KittenMoon Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 So, another one of my friends just got engaged, to a guy she's been dating for just over a year. I was VERY surprised by this, but all the rest of our friends are just like "Well, at this age stuff just happens faster..." I'm sorry, but this just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like it reduces the idea of marriage from an act of love, to an act of good timing. I truly wonder what the reaction would be if I asked my friend if she loved this guy more than anyone else she's ever been with- not that I would, but I really wonder. In part I'm resentful that yet another person has found "love" while I'm still lonely and broken hearted from a relationship that ended two years ago. I'm trying to put on a good face because it's not like its my life anyways, nor do I know the depth of their relationship (quite frankly I've never managed to get the guy to say more than a sentence to me at a time, he's shy.) But on another level I just feel like I've got the wrong concept of love and marriage- that true love is a pipe dream, and marriage is about grabbing any decent someone up so you're not alone. The stuff i see on these boards, and IRL- I just feel like I've got it all wrong. And if someone says "At this age" one more time..... Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 KittenMoon, I've been following your posts for a while and I have to say I completely relate with you on many levels - especially your rants in the rants section! I totally validate your feelings here. I get annoyed too at the things people say. I also wholeheartedly agreed with your "poor frickin babies" thread... In fact it made me kind of happy to read it because you vocalized what I've often thought when people are whining about their SO this and that. I also think you've made a lot of progress in moving on - seems like you're no longer in the depths of pain - it's just sort of low-level and beneath the surface, which, I think, is an improvement. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I'm one of those people that believes there are many 'right' people for us that we could marry and live relatively happily with. So why choose any one person over another? That's where a number of factors play into it - do your goals about life and lifestyle match, are you financially in the place you both want to be, are children a priority for both of you at roughly the same time, etc. And when you consider those things, the stage of life both of you are in when you fall in love and are dating does play a role in the decision to marry...in other words, timing. I also believe the success of those marriages depends very heavily on the commitment those two people make to the marriage, their determination to stick together and work things out even when there is trouble on the horizon and the 'in love' hormones have worn off (and hopefully there is a solid foundation of love developed). In 5-10 years, you will be 'at that age' when the divorces start accumulating.... Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 That's where a number of factors play into it - do your goals about life and lifestyle match, are you financially in the place you both want to be, are children a priority for both of you at roughly the same time, etc. And when you consider those things, the stage of life both of you are in when you fall in love and are dating does play a role in the decision to marry...in other words, timing. I also believe the success of those marriages depends very heavily on the commitment those two people make to the marriage, their determination to stick together and work things out even when there is trouble on the horizon and the 'in love' hormones have worn off (and hopefully there is a solid foundation of love developed). . I agree with this. I am at "that age" (30) and I am a person who got engaged last Oct after only a year of dating. I know its vomit-inducing, but when you have had as many f*ck up Rs as I have, you recognise the real deal when it comes along. But my BF and I met eachother at exactly the right time for eachother too- two years ago we wouldn't have looked twice at eachother, and we both admit it. Timing is much more important than lots of people realise. I met my fiance not long after I finally felt OK with being single, sometimes I think that attitude made this R much healthier than some of the others. In 5-10 years, you will be 'at that age' when the divorces start accumulating... Hell yes. I was at a hens party in the weekend, and 12/17 people were either engaged, married or in LTRs. Statistically, at least four of those Rs is heading for doom.... Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 . I feel like it reduces the idea of marriage from an act of love, to an act of good timing. .... To tell you the truth I've always felt that the right timing was a very important factor in the success of a relationship. Think about it - you both have to be ready for the next step at the same time. Clearly this is all contingent on being with the right person who is ready at the right time. If you are with someone you loathe - the time will never be right! I said this to a b/f years ago and he was absolutely horrified. But let's face facts - 1.5 years after he and I broke up he married a girl who he kept telling me wasn't as pretty or smart or sophisticated, etc. etc. etc as me. But he was ready when he was with her, and wasn't when he was with me! Thank G-d because hindsight is 20/20 and I now know I would have been miserable with him! So yes I do believe timing is key. Link to post Share on other sites
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