school sucks

[bdfan1026]

I'm 17 and in a small high school. Everybody pretty much knows who you are, and the problem is that its so hard to get together with a girl because of this. I'm trying to break out and talk to people outside of my general social circle, both to make new friends and hopefully hook up with somebody, but nobody ever really shows interest. I'm in band, cross country, am going to be a music major, I'm physically fit, I have a sense of humor (albeit strange, but still a sense of humor.) The only thing I think going against me is the fact that I'm a little on the quiet side. I'm trying to break out more though, like I said. It's just extremely frustrating and hurtful sometimes, though. What do you think I should do to help the situation? Or should I accept things the way they are and try not to let it bother me? College is a few years away..... but then again, it's hard to wait that long when you want to have some fun before then, like you're supposed to.

[wookinpanub]

TBH, I wouldn't wait for college like you were thinking of. You will find that it is not much different from high school. Social circles exist in college as well as high school. Besides, if you go to college having never broken out of your own little circle/opened up to strange people you won't much more success there than you are having now.

[SeraBella]

I'm not sure how this would work for you, but I wasn't interested in guys at my school when I was a teenager. I had a huge group of friends, but just wasn't into any of the guys as more than a friend. Or if I did find myself interested in someone, they didn't express much interest in me.

 

So, I got a part-time job where a lot of other teenagers worked. I made some new friends, and was able to branch out. Some parents don't want their kids to work, though, and you may not have time. I didn't work very much, just weekends, and I obviously didn't earn very much. It was enough to go out and do things, though.

 

I'd get invited to parties, movies, ice skating, etc. after work with these people, and met their friends. I loved it, and it was a great way to meet new people.

 

Even in college I found having a part time job helped me to make new friends. My parents didn't want me to work, but it actually helped me to manage my time more effectively. If I have too much free time I slack off.

 

If my suggestion isn't an option, is it possible to hang out somewhere that people from other schools may hang out at too? Maybe like ice skating rink, bowling alley, movie theater, mall, bookstore, coffee shop, etc.? Do you participate in a youth group? Is there a church that would have people from other schools there?

 

Sorry if my suggestions are not feasible, just thought I'd offer a few cents. Hope something helps you! These years are ROUGH. Try and live it up, and don't let being single get you down too much! (I know, easier said than done)

[bdfan1026]

I'm not sure how this would work for you, but I wasn't interested in guys at my school when I was a teenager. I had a huge group of friends, but just wasn't into any of the guys as more than a friend. Or if I did find myself interested in someone, they didn't express much interest in me.

 

So, I got a part-time job where a lot of other teenagers worked. I made some new friends, and was able to branch out. Some parents don't want their kids to work, though, and you may not have time. I didn't work very much, just weekends, and I obviously didn't earn very much. It was enough to go out and do things, though.

 

I'd get invited to parties, movies, ice skating, etc. after work with these people, and met their friends. I loved it, and it was a great way to meet new people.

 

Even in college I found having a part time job helped me to make new friends. My parents didn't want me to work, but it actually helped me to manage my time more effectively. If I have too much free time I slack off.

 

If my suggestion isn't an option, is it possible to hang out somewhere that people from other schools may hang out at too? Maybe like ice skating rink, bowling alley, movie theater, mall, bookstore, coffee shop, etc.? Do you participate in a youth group? Is there a church that would have people from other schools there?

 

Sorry if my suggestions are not feasible, just thought I'd offer a few cents. Hope something helps you! These years are ROUGH. Try and live it up, and don't let being single get you down too much! (I know, easier said than done)

 

I appreciate the advice. Yes, I participate in my church youth group as well and am in the city's youth orchestra, so all kinds of kids from different schools are there, it's just that things aren't very personal and it's pretty hard to talk to people there, too. As far as youth group, 95% of the kids there are from my school. I've tried getting out to parties more often, and I've had some new people over for my own, but still it doesn't seem to help quite that much. I suppose maybe I'm just frustrated/sad from how slow things are going and I need a little more patience... and I just need to keep trying. That's a good idea to get a job, I never really thought of jobs having a social aspect, but they do, and it would give me more chances to branch out. It's nice to know that there are people who seemed to have experienced some of the same things... because at first glance at least it appears as though everybody else is having fun while I'm bored and lonely. thanks:)

[SeraBella]

I appreciate the advice. Yes, I participate in my church youth group as well and am in the city's youth orchestra, so all kinds of kids from different schools are there, it's just that things aren't very personal and it's pretty hard to talk to people there, too. As far as youth group, 95% of the kids there are from my school. I've tried getting out to parties more often, and I've had some new people over for my own, but still it doesn't seem to help quite that much. I suppose maybe I'm just frustrated/sad from how slow things are going and I need a little more patience... and I just need to keep trying. That's a good idea to get a job, I never really thought of jobs having a social aspect, but they do, and it would give me more chances to branch out. It's nice to know that there are people who seemed to have experienced some of the same things... because at first glance at least it appears as though everybody else is having fun while I'm bored and lonely. thanks:)

 

It's easy to become frustrated and sad over this kind of stuff. You start to feel like everyone else has experienced more than you and you're left behind. And you want to know what it's like. Plus, I don't know if it's a goal of yours, but you may want to be going to things like homecoming and prom with a date...and you may feel like you're missing out on those activities.

 

You'd be surprised at how many people feel the same way you do. It's just that no one you know is going to come out and say it...especially other teenagers. I went to a large high school (500 students in my graduating class) and looking back I know there were a lot of people who felt that way.

 

Your quiet/shy side makes it even harder because even if you branch out and go more places, actually going after a girl is a whole other step. The biggest thing is a fear of rejection. And also may not really be too keen on the signs that a girl is interested. A lot of girls aren't exactly blatantly obvious about their interest, especially when they are teenagers.

 

Rejection hurts. Big time. But you may have to bite the bullet and just ask a girl out sometime without completely knowing if she's interested. Just invite her to hang out, see a movie, or whatever. If you're turned down, try your hardest to chalk it up to experience. Hopefully a guy or two will read this and post some advice since mine is from the other side of the coin.

 

Oh, and just a note about the part time job...not all of them are going to be social. A friend of mine took a job as a lifeguard at a hotel when she was a teenager and she met no one there except old men traveling through town on business. I worked in retail. The most social seemed to be restaurant working people, but I've never done that.

[2cents]

Clicks have been around since the beggining of social time. Your awareness of them speaks well of you. Sitback and laugh, also some good movies with this one, of so many of lifes comic rocks will be ... The breakfeast club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in pink, Money can't buy you Love. As well as hundreds of others from the eighties. Might not solve your problems but it will give you something to think about other than this social plague.