Do I put myself out there

[silvergirl111]

I have had difficulty finding a guy that satisfies my many requirements (I am very picky with guys) but I have finally found one that I feel I have been waiting for. There are two problems, somewhat related:

 

1. He is leaving in about 6 months to pursue a graduate program in NYC (I live on the other side of the state, about 7 hours away).

 

2. I recently (about four days ago!) ended my 2.5 year relationship (lived together for a little less than 2 of those years).

 

Therefore, I am not emotionally ready to pursue things with him. When he kisses me I feel like I am cheating on my ex because I am still ivery much in love with her and have not ruled out the possibility of a future together. Don't get me wrong, I did NOT leave her for him. Both him and I have established that he is leaving and it seems foolish to get involved.

 

I like him a lot, but I am not ready to pursue things with him or ANYONE, and by the time I'm ready he will almost be leaving! Does this situation just prove that we are not meant for each other even though everything else is perfect? Do we pursue things even if it means we may end up hurt and confused later? I don't think I can handle being hurt at this vulnerable time in my life.

[TMichaels]

I like him a lot, but I am not ready to pursue things with him or ANYONE, and by the time I'm ready he will almost be leaving! Does this situation just prove that we are not meant for each other even though everything else is perfect? Do we pursue things even if it means we may end up hurt and confused later? I don't think I can handle being hurt at this vulnerable time in my life.

 

silvergirl111,

 

Will this new guy be around when you're ready? Maybe.

 

Is this new guy "perfect?" Maybe.

 

Will you end up hurt and confused? Maybe.

 

Are you ready for a new relationship right this minute? Re-read the first sentence of what you wrote above. The answer should be obvious.

 

So, why don't you finish your business with your current relationship before you start swinging branch to branch like a monkey to the next one?

 

If something works out later with the new guy, then great. But, at least you won't be cluttering up the relationship and your mind with guilt, shame, confusion and uncertainty.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[SeraBella]

How long have you known him?

 

It seems a bit early to conclude he is perfect for you. How well do you know him?

 

Play it by ear and see how things go, no need to fret what will happen in 6 months...in a month you may not even like him anymore.

[silvergirl111]

I have known him about six months but have only been spending time with him for about 2. I am not necessarily saying I think he is perfect for me, it's just that so far he satisfies all my prerequisites, which is hard to do.

 

That's part of the problem; I don't really know yet if he is perfect, all I know is that I have never felt this for a guy in my entire life (which was why I dated girls more regularly) and if I don't give it a chance I may never know.

 

But as the first replier said, it's true that I'm not ready to pursue it at this juncture. I should keep reminding myself of this.

[Arch]

Wait, did you go from lesbian to straight?

 

You reference her as your ex, then him as the new person.

[silvergirl111]

Wait, did you go from lesbian to straight?

 

You reference her as your ex, then him as the new person.

 

I am bisexual, that is one reason I broke up with my girlfriend because even though I love her, she is my best friend, and may be the love of my life, I need to explore my inclinations toward men. Although I have been involved with men I have never been in love with one or even had an exclusive boyfriend.

 

I have been posting about this in other subforums. Obviously it complicates the matter quite a bit.

[ellie01]

Keep in touch with him, see what happens. If he's the right one 6 months is nothing and you'll work though it to be together. Just don't jump into anything yet it will happen when you're ready if it's meant to.