Broken Marriage

[Drake2008]

Hey all. I'm new here. So first off hello and well met.

 

I have a problem and I suppose I'm looking for some advice as you guys seem to talk about these things alot and such.

 

I'm in a marriage that I cannot decide whether I want to be in or not. And I would like to get some opinions from folks that don't know either of us and won't pull punches.

 

We have been married for almost 5 years. The first 2 years were good. The normal fights and such but nothing bad. But the last 3 years we seem to have grown apart. I will do my best to describe things as shortly as I can b/c I could sit here and type a book at the moment. Niether of us have cheated or anything of the sort, to my knowledge anyways but I truly don't think so.

 

Anyways, we have had talk after talk about how things are and the most recent being last night. It's great to talk of course, but the problem is the next day she's just sweet and loving and all like nothing ever happened.

Which is strange. It's like the twilight zone or something. We have no hate or anger for each other. Not on the outside anyways.

 

My father told me once that the 3 most important points to marriage are Talking, Sex, and Money. I believe that very much. It makes sense. The problem is all 3 of ours seem to be ruined for whatever reason.

 

We cannot agree on anything. She thinks she knows it all and I suppose I do too alot of times. Difference is, she thinks that what she says goes. And I don't think that way. Control is not an option for me. I just don't think it's supposed to be that way. We don't enjoy doing things together alone. We have fun when our friends are around, but when we sit home alone, it's just boring and stressfull. She makes me very angry with things she says and also pushes her mother and family's opinions on me. We really have an unhealthy realationship. She breaks down crying sometimes b/c we are both so miserable.

 

Our sex life is just dead. That's the best way I can put it. We have sex maybe once a month. And when we do it's very straight forward and dull. Kinda like we are just going through the motions and getting it over with.

I don't imagine that's that good thing.

 

Money, we get by. But that's it. We really don't save anything.

 

We talk about splitting up and all, but it just seems that we never do. We just kinda lumber around and never really get around to it. But have both expressed how miserable we are on several occasions. I'm starting to feel more and more like I'm wasting my life and it's finally beginning to get to me. I'm not really a negative person. I feel that a closed door means another opens somewhere.

 

The biggest problem I have with her is she denys things. For instance, she will say something in anger, then 10 mins later, completely deny it. She rarely goes to visit my family, while I rarely skip a beat in spending time with hers. She wants me spend more time with her, which is almost impossible in my opinion, but anyways, when I just sit with her, she just watches TV etc. I'm very faithfull but the other day, I left work 30 mins early to go by and talk to a friend of mine. Yes a male friend. And I saw her coming out of a street that seemed odd to me. When I asked what she was doing, she said she was checking my ex girlfriend's house to see if I was there. This just came out of the blue also. She has no reason to suspect me of being there. And later that night, she admitted that she knew I wouldn't be there. uhhhhh.....then why go? I also have a female friend that I talk to sometimes over the internet. An old friend from high school that I keep in touch with b/c we were always close friends. I've allowed my wife to read everything that we have said etc. But for some reason it still bothers her. All the while, she still talks to her ex that she was with before me all the time.............just doesn't really seem fair but I try to be adult about it.

 

There's a million things wrong with our marriage that i could say, but I've ran on too long already. I think I don't leave b/c I simply don't like seeing hurt in people's eyes. I just bothers me alot.

 

Anyways, any comments and advice are more than welcome.

 

Thanks

[whichwayisup]

If the love is still there and you want to really give your marriage your best shot, then the two of you need to do marriage counselling. To learn how to communicate, to compromise, to listen to eachother...And, be together as husband and wife. Obviously the love was there to start, it brought you to marriage...

[Drake2008]

Yes I agree. And as for getting married, we really didn't get to know each other. It's very confusing. Everything you said is correct and I agree, but everytime we try to talk about things or solutions we just fight. I know it sounds like we aren't trying but we really have tried over and over. Counselling we haven't tried yet.