Your SO's mementos

[Cobra_X30]

I disagree. You are obligated to explain...anyways what are you going to do...resort to some infantile "I just KNOW, OK?" she'll know what happened anyway, might as well be open about it....that is, if you want her to reciprocate and be equally open.

 

just sayin. if you withhold, she will probably withhold, too.

 

If she wants to lie... she will lie, nothing he does or says will change that.

 

If he explicitly states he looked through her journal, that gives her leverage, which can be used to avoid the real issue. best to just say 1 thing at a time, and explain his actions only after getting a solid explanation from her.

 

Journaling itself is not illegal however, it can be the basis for illegal acts such as blackmail, or libel.

[downthatslide]

I'm not 100% clear on what the issue is here. Did you find the girl's diary? Or is this as it reads, "a drawer full of organizer books with graphic sex descriptions"??

Regardless, here's what I recommend.

You have every right to question your girlfriend. I noticed in the OP, she said when she threw out the memento box "that was everything"? I'm not certain, but wouldn't graphic sex depictions with former people be included in that category? It's difficult to understand how sex stories with former SOs are outside the love letter and memento group.

If I were you, I would have a serious discussion with this girl especially if your considering moving in together. Also, I would want to know what's going on inside her head, writing down all those things about yourself and the other people.

And also, if you do have the guts to call her out, I don't think you necessarily need to explain much. You need to focus on the real issue, it doesn't matter how you found them, you uncovered something creepy and you have a right to know whats going on.

[Storyrider]

Journaling itself is not illegal however, it can be the basis for illegal acts such as blackmail, or libel.

 

What is this, 1984?

[Cobra_X30]

What is this, 1984?

 

No, I just checked my calendar and it's now 2008! Your allusion must be off.

[Sal Paradise]

I agree it's weird but I think many on here are overreacting. I agree with Art in that she should put them away (so they're not within arms reach as he said) but I don't think she should have to get rid of them.

 

It sounds like to me that some of you think a person should ask permission before writing about you in their diary, that's ridiculous. What she writes in her journal is no one's business but her's.

 

Why should she throw them away? Because she is with someone else now? So if she kept a normal journal should she go through her old entries and edit any mention of her previous boyfriends? If the memory erasing technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were available I wonder if some of you would expect your SO to erase their memories of their previous lovers. Afterall, he/she is with you now!

 

Sorry you can't just edit out someone's past. When you accept them into your heart you accept all of them. Believe it or not they did exist before they met you and they will go on if you eventually break up. Expecting your SO to get rid of every reminder of the past is egotistical and selfish. Unless they're flaunting it or leaving the mementos out in the open I don't see the issue.

[EYECANDY000]

I dont see anything wrong with her keeping a personal journal of all her sex partners. If she was the type of girl who practiced safe sex but had multiple partners then it would be handy to go back to the source. I can see how reading sex acts about your g/f can throw you off and make you a little uncomfortable, but you shouldnt have made her throw them away. If she had pictures of her and old b/f's hugged up then , yes those momentos anre unacceptable. But I mean we all have things that our SO's dont know about.

 

Dont bash me and say that if you are in a relationship then your SO should know every single detail about you and know your past because thats b.s .. Everyone has something in their closet that they have never revealed . And maybe that was your g/f's skeletons. Its just so happen that you stumbled upon them

 

 

Question.. If you had an addiction with porn and had a whole slew of porn collection do you think it would be right of her to tell you to get rid of them because it makes her uncomfortable?

Edited February 14, 2008 by EYECANDY000

[Cobra_X30]

I agree it's weird but I think many on here are overreacting. I agree with Art in that she should put them away (so they're not within arms reach as he said) but I don't think she should have to get rid of them.

 

It sounds like to me that some of you think a person should ask permission before writing about you in their diary, that's ridiculous. What she writes in her journal is no one's business but her's.

 

Why should she throw them away? Because she is with someone else now? So if she kept a normal journal should she go through her old entries and edit any mention of her previous boyfriends? If the memory erasing technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were available I wonder if some of you would expect your SO to erase their memories of their previous lovers. Afterall, he/she is with you now!

 

Sorry you can't just edit out someone's past. When you accept them into your heart you accept all of them. Believe it or not they did exist before they met you and they will go on if you eventually break up. Expecting your SO to get rid of every reminder of the past is egotistical and selfish. Unless they're flaunting it or leaving the mementos out in the open I don't see the issue.

 

It's not a diary. It's a sex journal. There is a difference... and he has the right to know it's purpose! No she does not have to throw them away, and I don't think he is asking her to.

 

As to keeping momento's. I think it provides an indication as to the kind of person you are. Some people are simply packrats... some need that stuff to fill holes in their self esteem with memories of days gone by... ect.