Author LakesideDream Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Depends on when/where they got married. Domicile state (where they currently live) can be covenant or no-fault, depending on when couple was married (likely long ago), their choice (if applicable) and what laws and jurisdiction have relevance. LsD's reservations about the H lead me to believe that the H can make things difficult for the W if she chooses to leave. Don't know if that is psychological or legal or both. carhill, Both of course. At least I assume so. There are marital assets. There is also the matter of a LT marriage. I wouldn't expect this process to be quick or simple, never did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 What is she bringing to the table? Are both your expectations the same as far as YOU assuming the role as sole provider albeit 8-10 years prior to retirement? Assuming she leaves her H, what's the worse case scenario financially for her and for both of you should her H want to get even? Can't remember if she lives in a fault or no fault state. Only you know her well enough to know if she'll take and love you no matter what and how much you have, asset wise that would want her to leave her H. Though I'm not most women (not one to depend on a guy financially:rolleyes:) I'm concerned that although her H is nearly unemployed may not be enough for her to jump over to your camp site. Though there are women out there who want men to "take care of them" as there are men willing and gladly willing, I hope your relationship is not one in which you keep giving and giving in order to appease her at whatever expense in order to win her over. Just be careful. Women like these (not implying your MW is) are never happy to begin with. And no matter what people do and give will never be enough. Your generousity and accomodation are perceived as nothing more than a weakness and an opportunity to take more. So, hopefully you'll be able to decipher the two apart. Sorry NewSunrise. I'm not that cynical. Her income is adaquate to support herself or both of us for that matter... as is mine. She probably has more assets, maybe, as she has a large 401k (as far as I know it's intact). Downside she has two home loans, I have none, I own my new home free and clear, (which is why I'm am financially "tight" right now). I know her enough to know that she wouldn't want to be a "burden" on someone else. I also know she needs a "rest" badly. I find it to be an advantage that her H can no longer find, keep, a good job, he's quit trying. Our incomes together would probably liberate her from the hours she currently works. Money isn't a permenant problem. My short term need to build a "buffer" and paydown some of the expense of moving is. I won't feel good until a reasonable percentage of my moving expense is retired, which will take a few months of hard work. Then I can afford a cruise to Australia if it pleases me. I currently have just enough income to live in reasonable comfort without working at all. That's just not what I do. Thank you for your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Bower bird hard at work Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 She probably has more assets, maybe, as she has a large 401k (as far as I know it's intact). Downside she has two home loans, I have none, I own my new home free and clear, (which is why I'm am financially "tight" right now). This might be just enough reason for her as in most marriages where the couple opt to not divorce at the risk of losing half of everything. Sad but true. If resident in a fault state, the stakes are higher. Community property state pretty much staight down the middle. But, since her H is unemployed and she is, she will like pay alimony or spousal support, no to mention a big chunk of her 401K, and then go after yours (fault state) if you two marry as part of future spousal support. While you are prepared for this uphill battle, the question is IS SHE? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I'll liKe it more when it becoes a home. Regardless of what happens emotionally. I will love living here. Just filling in the letters that obviously get stuck on your keyboard;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 This might be just enough reason for her as in most marriages where the couple opt to not divorce at the risk of losing half of everything. Sad but true. If resident in a fault state, the stakes are higher. Community property state pretty much staight down the middle. But, since her H is unemployed and she is, she will like pay alimony or spousal support, no to mention a big chunk of her 401K, and then go after yours (fault state) if you two marry as part of future spousal support. While you are prepared for this uphill battle, the question is IS SHE? When I know... I'll let you know... LoL. Ain't love grand? Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 When I know... I'll let you know... LoL. Ain't love grand? Yep! I'd say... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 I got photobucket figured out, and post 3 pic's from six weeks ago. It's nicer now, I'll update next week. Ditto bedroom, I have to put on the new linens.. Go to photobucket.com and search for lakesidedream Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I got photobucket figured out, and post 3 pic's from six weeks ago. It's nicer now, I'll update next week. Ditto bedroom, I have to put on the new linens.. Go to photobucket.com and search for lakesidedream Very cool! Thanks for sharing these with us. As a woman with a kitchen the size of some people's bathrooms I'm lovin' that cookin' space. I feel a bit dumb, but what's that appliance beside the stove? Very nice living room furniture and gas fireplace too. I love men fiercely, but approximately 102% of them are unable to hang the right pictures in the right places. You'll need a girl for that part! Hopefully she'll bring plants too. P.S. More please! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Very cool! Thanks for sharing these with us. As a woman with a kitchen the size of some people's bathrooms I'm lovin' that cookin' space. I feel a bit dumb, but what's that appliance beside the stove? Very nice living room furniture and gas fireplace too. I love men fiercely, but approximately 102% of them are unable to hang the right pictures in the right places. You'll need a girl for that part! Hopefully she'll bring plants too. P.S. More please! I cook too, I love the kitchen. 39 cabinets and drawers! I think your seeing the trash compactor, I'm afraid of it. I have a plant and a cactus now, a stunning 1870's vanity (original mirrors!) I'm using as a entry table, and lamps. I also found a matching set of shelves for the television. Quite a few changes. Those are signed Rockwell prints. I really like them. Where should I put em? I'll put updated pictures up next week. Bedroom too. I just put these up because Owoman teased me. Link to post Share on other sites
chuckgirl Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I like your new place. It will look nice when done. A couple of suggestions: The pictures are not centered correctly. I personally think you could use a few more. Especially around the tv. Too spacey. You need a big something above the fireplace. I would suggest going to Kirkland's. They have great prices and really nice wall hangings. Otherwise, I am sure you could find some nice things at any department store. There is also some starving artist paintings that you may like. Look for a show in your city. A good reason to get out! The other thing you really, really need. Is to fix the cords under your tv. Go to somewhere like Lowes or Home Depot and find cord covers that you can mask against the wall. How about a nice plant in front of that to cover those cords, one that could fit under the tv. Isn't it fun decorating? I am not a big decorator---would rather have comfort, but I do enjoy finding the right picture and placement for it. Hope you don't take the suggestions as critisim, but just like to give my 2 cents worth. It is funny, my sister buys really nice things. Her house is beautiful, but she is open to my suggestions, because I often give her good advice on where to put....however, I don't have the knack of buying the really nice things she does. Are you going to paint some??? Oh and I love the tables and couches! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I just put these up because Owoman teased me. Gosh! If I knew it was that easy I'd have done it ages ago... It's looking good, LsD - I must say I really love the light! I've never been in North America so don't know if that's "normal" or not, or if you have something special there to work with, but I would so play to that! (The mirrors from your vanity should work nicely with that!) OK, so right now I want to flop down on those inviting looking couches and have your hi-tec fridge pour and bring me my single malt on the rocks, while I contemplate where to put the cactus! (Is it a spiky one or a fleshy one?) Thanks, LsD - how long should I give you before I tease you for the next set? Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Hi Lakeside, Nice pics, needs some color on the wall... what do you think? Makes it more cosier:) Hope you dont mind my input!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Very cool! Thanks for sharing these with us. As a woman with a kitchen the size of some people's bathrooms I'm lovin' that cookin' space. I feel a bit dumb, but what's that appliance beside the stove? Very nice living room furniture and gas fireplace too. I love men fiercely, but approximately 102% of them are unable to hang the right pictures in the right places. You'll need a girl for that part! Hopefully she'll bring plants too. P.S. More please! I've decided to hire a decorater, and interior floral designer. A bachlor's work is never done! Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I've decided to hire a decorater, and interior floral designer. A bachlor's work is never done! I typed a big long response with my non professional decorating advice the other day and clicked the wrong thing on my mouse and lost the whole thing. I can type it again if you want. It'll be free! I'd consider not hiring a decorator yet. You want to impress your lady, but you also want a blank enough slate that she can imagine coming in and making your house her home. Women love to decorate...thus my big long post about somebody else's house. You want her to want to decorate your house, see? I'm slightly embarassed I didn't know what a trash compacter looked like. However here in Ontario we just send all our trash to Michigan, and they just keep taking for some rea$on. Perhaps they compact it there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 I typed a big long response with my non professional decorating advice the other day and clicked the wrong thing on my mouse and lost the whole thing. I can type it again if you want. It'll be free! I'd consider not hiring a decorator yet. You want to impress your lady, but you also want a blank enough slate that she can imagine coming in and making your house her home. Women love to decorate...thus my big long post about somebody else's house. You want her to want to decorate your house, see? I'm slightly embarassed I didn't know what a trash compacter looked like. However here in Ontario we just send all our trash to Michigan, and they just keep taking for some rea$on. Perhaps they compact it there. 81West, Any suggestions you have would be happily accepted ! I have never been mistaken for a man with decorating skills, or even domestic good taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I'm slightly embarassed I didn't know what a trash compacter looked like. However here in Ontario we just send all our trash to Michigan, and they just keep taking for some rea$on. Perhaps they compact it there. ROFL :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 81West, Any suggestions you have would be happily accepted ! I have never been mistaken for a man with decorating skills, or even domestic good taste. Lake, I do agree with 81W, you don't want it to look OVERdecorated - too "finished" if what you hope the outcome will be actually happens....... Link to post Share on other sites
chuckgirl Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I don't know about this. Hiring a decorator is a little too much. But having it look well put together, says something about the man. Not OVER decorated, simply put together it shows a success. And from what I've read, that is exactly how you want to come across. And are we sure she would want to move into that place anyway? Don't spend too much money, though, because women definitely have different tastes than men. DON'T BUY A WAGONWHEEL COFFEE TABLE! Just kidding......I love that scene from 'When Harry met Sally". Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 And are we sure she would want to move into that place anyway? No clue, maybe yes maybe no. I own the place outright though, and I enjoy making it nice. It's the first house I've ever lived in where I have been able to decide how it looked and lived. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 No clue, maybe yes maybe no. I own the place outright though, and I enjoy making it nice. It's the first house I've ever lived in where I have been able to decide how it looked and lived. Just make it like you! Decorate it how you want it to look. If you want to hire a decorator do it! If you want to do it yourself, do that! This is your home and you can do whatever you want with it, without needing someone else's approval or having to compromise! LUCKY! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Just make it like you! Decorate it how you want it to look. If you want to hire a decorator do it! If you want to do it yourself, do that! This is your home and you can do whatever you want with it, without needing someone else's approval or having to compromise! LUCKY! Thanks for the support GEL. I pretty much have been doing what I thought best for awhile now. BTW I'm pi**ed, my new kitten pulled down one of my new lamps, instant 200 pieces. Now I'll have to find something else I like. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks for the support GEL. I pretty much have been doing what I thought best for awhile now. BTW I'm pi**ed, my new kitten pulled down one of my new lamps, instant 200 pieces. Now I'll have to find something else I like. Sounds like another excuse to go shopping;) Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks for the support GEL. I pretty much have been doing what I thought best for awhile now. BTW I'm pi**ed, my new kitten pulled down one of my new lamps, instant 200 pieces. Now I'll have to find something else I like. another kitty for it to play with ? Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks for the support GEL. I pretty much have been doing what I thought best for awhile now. BTW I'm pi**ed, my new kitten pulled down one of my new lamps, instant 200 pieces. Now I'll have to find something else I like.You really gotta get your act together dude. All this nest building is not what women want. If you want this married chick then go for it, but please stop with the interior decorators, etc.. You gotta regrow your balls. You can impress the women here all you want with your cute domestic nest building ways but that isn't going to help you get what you want. Women want a strong man and nest building doesn't fall into that category. Women here will disagree but they don't count. They are just being entertained. If you haven't already you need to make some male friends where you live now, quit acting feminine, and go for what you want. Jesus, if she ever does come over you don't want the place looking all domesticated. It's not masculine and for christ's sake you are a single male, not a pussywhipped attached woos forced to domesticate his pad. My first piece of advice would be to spend more money on the HDTV, etc.. I spent $20,000 on my home theater and it drips with testosterone. This is what any normal single male would want. Here is a site that will set you right...is 90% male, and will help you REALLY build a "guy's" pad: www.avsforum.com I'm talking Blu-Ray, REALLY nice speakers, seperate processor, amp, and a subwoofer that costs at least a grand...the whole nine yards. Dump the LCD and get a plasma..they have better picture quality. Pioneer Kuro Elite is No. 1. This is the mecca of home theater sites. Build yourself a nice home system. Something you can bring her over to show off and not look like a feminine wimp. Plus, you'll enjoy the hell out of it. E..H Link to post Share on other sites
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