Bought a new Home today The Adventure Begins!

[LakesideDream]

On one hand, you'll clearly point out to others when they're involved in an affair the harsh reality of what they're considering/doing/etc...

 

But then you'll turn around and defend your OWN affair and pending resumption of it.

 

It doesn't add up.

 

I wonder how much compartmentalization is going on in your mind over all of this. On one side, you've been through it as a BS. You KNOW how much it hurts, how wrong it was, how little you deserved the devestation you went through. On the other...you plan on seeing the exact same thing done to someone else.

 

 

Owl, there you go again. I have never defended "my own affair and pending resumption of it", nor will I ever do so. There obviously no moral grounds to defend a affair on. I don't know who's threads you have been reading, obviously it hasn't been this one.

 

Rather than "defend" I have been willing to discuss my situation and emotions. I have tried to be hones and forthcoming. I realize that there may be consequences for my precipitious actions. I can face those consequences.

 

What would you suggest I do? Put a halt to my projects, sell or abandon my house scamper away to avoid a possible negetive outcome?

 

Sorry that's not in my personality. Once engaged, I try to follow through.

[Mustang Sally]

LsD -

I ask again...have you tried No Contact with this woman?

I re-read most of your threads last week, but didn't see that you have engaged NC as a way to make your OW choose between you and her H.

[LakesideDream]

LsD -

I ask again...have you tried No Contact with this woman?

I re-read most of your threads last week, but didn't see that you have engaged NC as a way to make your OW choose between you and her H.

 

 

You may have noted in this and other threads that I am not an advocate of "NC" as a manipulative stragity.

 

I have no problem with "NC" if it is for self preservation, or to maintain one's well being, or to isolate yourself from negetives beyond your control.

 

The thing that seperates Humankind from other species is communication. I don't believe in throwing away such a useful tool to try and manipulate someone elses emotions.

[Art_Critic]

I think it is time for her to find out about your new surroundings LSD..

 

I know you have a reason at each turn.. but in all sense of reality if she was going to be it.. then she would be it whether you had a store front of not...

[Out of the Fog]

Like so many of us, I have been following this thread with real interest -- it has literary as well as other types of appeal!

 

But my question is this (apologies if this has been covered already): LsD, if you do not have NC with her, that means you are in contact. What in the world have you been saying to her about "what's new" in your life?? What have you been chatting about? It seems to me that just regular chit-chat would require some deceptions/shadings/at the very least lies of omission. So, THAT is what worries me. If I were her, I would find it creepy that we had been talking along for months without me knowing that you were nearby. That really would creep me out. Just seems too strange.

[LakesideDream]

Like so many of us, I have been following this thread with real interest -- it has literary as well as other types of appeal!

 

But my question is this (apologies if this has been covered already): LsD, if you do not have NC with her, that means you are in contact. What in the world have you been saying to her about "what's new" in your life?? What have you been chatting about? It seems to me that just regular chit-chat would require some deceptions/shadings/at the very least lies of omission. So, THAT is what worries me. If I were her, I would find it creepy that we had been talking along for months without me knowing that you were nearby. That really would creep me out. Just seems too strange.

 

 

1st post, and it's to this thread. I'm honored! There hasn't been any chit chat about my living conditions. Our contact has been limited for the last few months. I usually initiate, and I haven't been initiating much.

 

I think the two of us (the lady and I) are a little past the place where things "felt creepy", I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I agree it's strange, ie different. I don't agree that there are lies or deceit involved.

 

For me it's a life change. The beginning of this oddesy will be completed in just over a month, one way or another.. This has been going on long enough that changing course now, isn't a sensible option. Patience has it's virtue.

[Owl]

Owl, there you go again. I have never defended "my own affair and pending resumption of it", nor will I ever do so. There obviously no moral grounds to defend a affair on. I don't know who's threads you have been reading, obviously it hasn't been this one.

 

Rather than "defend" I have been willing to discuss my situation and emotions. I have tried to be hones and forthcoming. I realize that there may be consequences for my precipitious actions. I can face those consequences.

 

What would you suggest I do? Put a halt to my projects, sell or abandon my house scamper away to avoid a possible negetive outcome?

 

Sorry that's not in my personality. Once engaged, I try to follow through.

 

What would I suggest you do?

 

NOT TRY TO DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE'S MARRIAGE JUST TO TAKE A CHANCE ON YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.

 

Keep the wonderful house...pursue the new job opportunity...don't pursue the MW and let her and her husband continue their marriage without your interference.

 

Simple enough.

[Mustang Sally]

Keep the wonderful house...pursue the new job opportunity...don't pursue the MW and let her and her husband continue their marriage without your interference.

Exactly.

 

I do not find this proprosed invocation of NC (of sorts) to be any more "manipulative" than relocating to an affair partner's city and making a new life there, all the while unbeknownst to the affair partner, under the guise of "letting her choose" which one of the two...husband or other man.

 

YMMV, obviously.

[silktricks]

YMMV, obviously.

Huh? Wuzzat?

[Mustang Sally]

"Your mileage may vary."

 

As LsD's obviously does.

[Out of the Fog]

Yep, LsD, you're my first, LOL!

 

What is happening in a month that will bring close to all this suspense? And do you dread or welcome that day?

[pelicanpreacher]

Now I know what's been bothering me...

 

LSD, you've lived and raised your family in a big city but have now relocated to a small town with an eye on opening a business and uniting with your MW. The first thing you need to be aware of is that small towns are always run by the "rumor mill". They can make you or break you faster than electrons traveliing across the internet so I already see problems on the business front due to that issue alone. (that's assuming your business requires the support of the locals)

 

Next, you'll probably find that affairs are seriously frowned upon where you're living now because people aren't as open minded in small towns about such matters and prefer living a traditonal conservative lifestyle with as little change or disturbance to their routine as possible. Your MW proably already knows the "lay of the land" well enough to realize this fact which is why her LDR with you suited her needs best.

 

Last, but not least, you need to be keenly aware of the attitudes and behavior of men folk living in your area on crime, order, and morality. I know, from your previous posts, that you aren't afraid of her husband but it still might pay dividends to get to know the local's and their "worldly perceptions" before you do something you might regret for lack of vision regarding the "big picture".

 

If this melodrama only included you, MM, and MW then there wouldn't be these concerns. Since you live in the real world, however, it might be best to adhere to the motto "When in Rome do as the Romans"!

[Trimmer]

I think the two of us (the lady and I) are a little past the place where things "felt creepy", I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I agree it's strange, ie different.

I think the poster's point was that the longer you go, the creepier it potentially gets for her. There's no "past the point" yet for her - once she learns, if she's going to be creeped out at all, then that will increase in proportion to the length of time you've been there and avoided telling her.

 

I don't agree that there are lies or deceit involved.

The outcome of your "situation" doesn't depend upon whether you or I agree, or even what your opinion is unilaterally. All that matters is whether she agrees that no lies or deceit were involved.

[The_411]

411, you clearly are at a loss and unable to see beyond what your blinkers (or blinders, if you're American) allow you to see. I do hope that life will teach you some of the lessons that have allowed others to see beyond their limitations, in time, and that your own unhappiness won't keep you chained to your bitterness forever.

 

As for LsD, he's a shining example of someone who was able to rise above his own bitterness and rediscover love and joy and fun in life, and we're all rooting for him. I'm sorry that your own bitterness stops you from joining us in wishing him well.

 

Maybe one day you too will find love and happiness. Here's hoping.

 

Shining example? Why would look to someone who is deliberately trying to destroy someone's marriage? How has he risen above his own bitterness? By doing the exact thing that his wife did to him? That is surely not something to be proud of nor emulated.

 

Life has tough me many lessons and I will continue to learn new ones on a daily basis, and I was betrayed like LSD was but I did not certainly run out and start having an affair with a married woman.

 

I do not hate LSD but I am sad for him and you because you lack empathy towards others.

[LakesideDream]

What "out of the fog" was saying that would be creepy is the fact that you've been lurking around this woman's town since how long? And you haven't told her?

 

I would find that a tad creepy as well, to be honest. Tell her already!

 

 

Luvmy2ns, I can't let this one go by. I haven't "lurked" anywhere, avoided anyplace, or tried to stay under the radar for a single minute of the six months I've been here. I have "member cards" at the grocery stores, go to a dozen restruants regularly (who cooks in the desert heat?) have made a half dozen new friends (good enough to invite to dinner or BBQ with) registered my car, changed my phones to local numbers (that ARE listed) Re-registered, and titled my vehicles, hired both gardeners and housekeepers, Gone to Lowes, and the other "home improvement" stores, spent 10k on new furniture (locally), ... Oh and applied for business and tax licences, leased commercial real estate, turned on those phones electricity, gas etc. Volunteered 8 days at the senior center (serving lunch!) Oh and I forgot, paid CASH for a new home.

 

I have done everything I can to establish myself as a citizen.

 

HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT "LURKING"?

[Trimmer]

HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT "LURKING"?

Not telling "her."

[LakesideDream]

Now I know what's been bothering me...

 

LSD, you've lived and raised your family in a big city but have now relocated to a small town with an eye on opening a business and uniting with your MW. The first thing you need to be aware of is that small towns are always run by the "rumor mill". They can make you or break you faster than electrons traveliing across the internet so I already see problems on the business front due to that issue alone. (that's assuming your business requires the support of the locals)

 

Next, you'll probably find that affairs are seriously frowned upon where you're living now because people aren't as open minded in small towns about such matters and prefer living a traditonal conservative lifestyle with as little change or disturbance to their routine as possible. Your MW proably already knows the "lay of the land" well enough to realize this fact which is why her LDR with you suited her needs best.

 

Last, but not least, you need to be keenly aware of the attitudes and behavior of men folk living in your area on crime, order, and morality. I know, from your previous posts, that you aren't afraid of her husband but it still might pay dividends to get to know the local's and their "worldly perceptions" before you do something you might regret for lack of vision regarding the "big picture".

 

If this melodrama only included you, MM, and MW then there wouldn't be these concerns. Since you live in the real world, however, it might be best to adhere to the motto "When in Rome do as the Romans"!

 

 

 

It's not that small a town. In fact it's doubled in population in the last 7 years. I'm not sure many of the men here would refer to themselves as "men folk". It's pretty cosmopolitan. I have "got to know" the locals, and they are all pretty much like me. Older "boomers" from other places. I'm 25 years older than this town is. There are no "good old boys" here. And you are right, I don't fear anything other than taxes and doctors.

 

From everything I've seen... I'm one of the Romans! And duh... of course the existing LDR suited her best. That's why I moved. It won't be a LDR much longer, whatever direction the future takes!

[Angel1111]

That's good to know that it's not that small, because I had concerns about the gossip, too. Well, I hope it all works out best for everyone - whatever that entails. And I wish you'd stop defending yourself to the comments on this site. Just ignore that stuff. You know why you did what you did.

 

So how's the business going - have you set it up already?

[LakesideDream]

That's good to know that it's not that small, because I had concerns about the gossip, too. Well, I hope it all works out best for everyone - whatever that entails. And I wish you'd stop defending yourself to the comments on this site. Just ignore that stuff. You know why you did what you did.

 

So how's the business going - have you set it up already?

 

 

Angel, I leased the building a week ago.. About 3 weeks earlier than I had planned because of the supurb location. The fixtures are not in, nor the computer network, the walls aren't even painted. I am already getting pressured to start doing business. I suppose I will as soon as the work getting the space ready is completed.

 

That "rumor mill" is working full blast. I have planned a "grand opening" for the first weekend in October, with a small celebration for the community.. (potential customers). Like everything here, I may be suprised by the community reaction, it seems they want what I have to offer.

[pelicanpreacher]

I apologize. I got the impression and assumed, based on the view your home boasted with the seemingly wide open spaces posted in your profile and the fact that you moved from the entertainment capitol to a more sedate setting, that you were now living in a more country atmosphere than an urban one. Though I wasn't thinking of 'good ol boys' driving old pickup trucks I'll admit that I wasn't envisioning a cosmopolitan setting either. Sorry for my miscue.

[LakesideDream]

I apologize. I got the impression and assumed, based on the view your home boasted with the seemingly wide open spaces posted in your profile and the fact that you moved from the entertainment capitol to a more sedate setting, that you were now living in a more country atmosphere than an urban one. Though I wasn't thinking of 'good ol boys' driving old pickup trucks I'll admit that I wasn't envisioning a cosmopolitan setting either. Sorry for my miscue.

 

 

Pelicanpreacher, From my front porch I can see 90 miles. There ARE a few houses in the way. I live at one end of town, she the other. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. It actually takes 20 minutes to make the drive, it's about 7 miles as the birds fly. It's a very small city, or a very big town. The place I moved from wasn't in California either.

 

I live on a "city lot" a half an acre more or less. I could park 10 greyhound busses in my back yard, easily.

 

'Course, it's to damn hot from June to October to even think about spending substantial time outside. Heck, it's 10:30 and still 101 outdoors. That's why gawd gave me air conditioning.

[NewSunrise]

While it's admirable that a person would put everything on the line and went through extremes to be near the person they love, it's a tragedy that the person they seek is not available and worse, doesn't know.

 

LSD, as a former BS, it's very difficult to side with your cause, not in the sense of being betrayed, but the whole scenario. Since you haven't quite gotten to my early reply, I have to ask again:

 

1. How much more is required of YOU to give up in order to win this MW over?

 

2. At what point do you decide that you've done all you can to win her over that it's time to move on? Or is the answer, as long as it takes?

 

If she really wanted to leave her H and M for you, don't you think she would've done that by now or at least solicited your opinion?

 

The fact the she hasn't and neither of you have even entertained that idea (not mentioned by you) shows that she has no interest in leaving her M.

 

Do you honestly think that by you establishing a homestead in her town will make it easier to leave her M? If I were her, your presense would be an unwanted "pressure" and yeah, "stalked".

 

I'm not far from the half a century mark which is why I find your predicament remarkably and truly sad, and a tragedy. It's sad because you are living your life (what's left of it) for someone else. You have created a life "for her", not yours. LSD, this IS NOT living. You are merely existing.

[whichwayisup]

My train of thought is if she is a typical MW, she more than likely has exaggerated and bend the truth to her advantage, even more so because it seems their A has been through emails etc.. It could be very easy for her to white lie here and there, make it seem like her marriage is in the dumps, when infact, it really isn't.

 

Whatever the outcome is, I'm pretty sure Lakey is ready and will deal with whatever fallout (or not) that happens in the near future.

[LakesideDream]

My train of thought is if she is a typical MW, she more than likely has exaggerated and bend the truth to her advantage, even more so because it seems their A has been through emails etc.. It could be very easy for her to white lie here and there, make it seem like her marriage is in the dumps, when infact, it really isn't.

 

Whatever the outcome is, I'm pretty sure Lakey is ready and will deal with whatever fallout (or not) that happens in the near future.

 

 

WWIU, I'm not sure how "typical" either of us are. As published previously I have "known" her for over 40 years now. I was her first she almost mine. Fates brought us together after my marriage dissappeared.

 

I moved to the area I just left because it was my ex's choice of places to "move to and rekindle our marriage" year right. It wasn't my choice. Frankly I never fell in love with the area. To many distractions, to much Yuck. I got a chance to leave there in January this year.

 

Why not move here where I am now? I had to choose someplace. There were major advantages to moving here, like being able to afford a home "outright" with low taxes and no mortgage. The other more important benifit was the proximity to the only person left in the whole damn world that interested me romanticly.

 

It's not that I didn't date previously. I did. It just didn't "click". It's not that I didn't "give it a chance"... one of the women I dated is still a good friend, we talk every couple of days... six years later. Like I said it didn't "click".

 

What's a guy to do? Waste the rest of his life living somewhere he doesent enjoy? Please... there has to me more than that.

 

Now a new generation of posters is calling me creepy.. and a "stalker" (which is ridictulous) and worse. The only thing that would please those people would have been to stay under my rock.. be sad, and make sure not to upset anyone. Even then I'm sure they would have found a way to be critical. No thanks.

[merlin2]

you keep saying you have known her 40 years.As if that negates the fact you are trying to steal her from her H.With who she has had a 'real'relationship with for 'married years'.married years, you can x7 for every year you knew her.whole different ballgame, but as you are older and wiser, that will go without saying.

Sorry, but I think she would have left before now, you keep feeding her a teenage memory, and she's definitely not buying it.As far as most women are concerned, when they have an affair, they generally leave.Your MW hasn't, but at least its a positive step moving to a different place and establishing yourself in the community etc.

 

Who knows why some people play with our minds, but its only with our consent, and we become dogs lying on our backs conveying submission.

Let's become pomeranians-fussy, unpredictable, and not really caring who's who unless they feed us hand to mouth.Even then, we might bite their hands off :-)