Author LakesideDream Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 Ran into my "I want to be" gal today for a few minutes. No nada.. polite, nice, non-committal. I'm lucky I was sensible enough to get started on a new life. Everything else is super fine. Business is great, and other than the MW glitch, I could hardly be more content. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Question...and not in any way meant as an attack, LSD. What are you going to NEED from her as a concrete sign of her decision? Either way. What do you NEED from her for you to be comfortable with resuming the affair, starting a new committed relationship between the two of you, or maintaining the "status quo" of politeness? Or is living without knowing what she's seriously considering not a concern for you? Again..honest question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted October 31, 2008 Author Share Posted October 31, 2008 Question...and not in any way meant as an attack, LSD. What are you going to NEED from her as a concrete sign of her decision? Either way. What do you NEED from her for you to be comfortable with resuming the affair, starting a new committed relationship between the two of you, or maintaining the "status quo" of politeness? Or is living without knowing what she's seriously considering not a concern for you? Again..honest question. Owl... as they say, I'll know it when (if) I see it. If I don't "see anything" then there is no loss or consequence. I am perfectly able to maintain the "status quo" of politeness. I am VERY busy with work. Hardly have enough time to keep up the house and the business. That's a good thing I think. And.. I'm open to all options. Thanks for your honest questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Owl... as they say, I'll know it when (if) I see it. If I don't "see anything" then there is no loss or consequence. I am perfectly able to maintain the "status quo" of politeness. I am VERY busy with work. Hardly have enough time to keep up the house and the business. That's a good thing I think. And.. I'm open to all options. Thanks for your honest questions. Good thinking. The fact that you're comfortable with where things are at regardless of what she chooses to do or not do is a good bit of wisdom on your part. You're happy no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 LsD, I'd give myself a timeline for her to process the events of late (for me, that would be, arbitrarily, a year) and then decide what I was going to do. IMO, as things are, you're now in limbo land; you can't really be her friend (e.g. sincerely wish she and her H successes and well wishes, nor say go out to dinner with them) and you can't openly be her lover, as she's in a M. If you can't resolve your R with her into a platonic friendship, as I have, where everybody knows and gets along with everybody else, then you're stuck in limbo for as long as she's married, absent bidding her farewell. I've found setting personal timelines has really been healthy for me. I recommend them I say this because even spending the smallest amount of your emotional and spiritual energy on this R is energy which is taken from elsewhere. Thinking about it, even if taking no obvious action, pervades the signals you send out to other women, and could eventually cause you to miss out on a compatible and available woman, if this one remains unavailable. Glad to hear everything else is going well Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 I am VERY busy with work. Hardly have enough time to keep up the house and the business. That's a good thing I think. And.. I'm open to all options. Thanks for your honest questions. Are any of my guesses on the type of work that you do remotely correct? If so, she could be your client. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 A bit over a month has passed. I'm still here, still healthy, business is still doing well, although there have been bumps in the road. On the relationship front nothing amazing has happened. We are in pretty regular/often contact. Amazingly I'm cool with biding time. Our conversations are beginning to get more personal. In fact we had an imprompto half hour coffee together where we talked about lots of stuff and had some laughs and smiles with no frowns or downs. Another convo ended with BIG smiles and crinkly eyes. I saw hope in her eyes that day. Her hope. I'm almost tempted to say that we are "reconnecting" now. There is no way I'm going to do anything that puts pressure on her. I do enjoy being "around" and I'm getting the vibe that she enjoys e being "around" too. Maybe wishful thinking, but it doesen't "feel" that way. All in all this seems to be becoming a process. Old readers will remember that it's just about what I suspected. Rome wasn't built in a day and forty years is a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Glad you're doing well! Just today I was wondering where you've been. Welcome back! Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 A bit over a month has passed. I'm still here, still healthy, business is still doing well, although there have been bumps in the road. On the relationship front nothing amazing has happened. We are in pretty regular/often contact. Amazingly I'm cool with biding time. Our conversations are beginning to get more personal. In fact we had an imprompto half hour coffee together where we talked about lots of stuff and had some laughs and smiles with no frowns or downs. Another convo ended with BIG smiles and crinkly eyes. I saw hope in her eyes that day. Her hope. I'm almost tempted to say that we are "reconnecting" now. There is no way I'm going to do anything that puts pressure on her. I do enjoy being "around" and I'm getting the vibe that she enjoys e being "around" too. Maybe wishful thinking, but it doesen't "feel" that way. All in all this seems to be becoming a process. Old readers will remember that it's just about what I suspected. Rome wasn't built in a day and forty years is a very long time. I can not help but be disgusted by the blatant disregard for her husband and the all out scheming and manipulation involved here. The thing that disgusts me the most is you know the pain of what you are trying to do to him. I think you need to see a shrink. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 we had an imprompto half hour coffee together where we talked about lots of stuff and had some laughs and smiles with no frowns or downs. . . So she knows that you are living in the same town? How did she take that? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Here's what LsD wrote back on October 17: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1887630&postcount=522 We met and talked for a half hour or more. No it wasn't google eyed hunka hunka burning love instantly. There wasn't even much "catching up" as there has been enough contact for that. What there was, was serious conversation. Obviously what I have done by moving was presumptious. She wasn't angry, more like peeved. There was no future talk. No past talk. I caught her up on my new home, new business, community activities, and of course the reasons for my moving. She didn't critisize me for moving, or for not contacting her earlier. In fact she didn't say anything negetive. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Would it hurt you to look for a single lady? Don't you find it creepy that you secretly moved to this womans town with the intent of stealing her from her H. On top of that you are doing all of this without her knowledge. Its like something from a suspense film. Come on even if you do get her do you want her? You have been cheated on and now you are trying to get a woman who is willing to cheat on her long term H. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Come on even if you do get her do you want her? You have been cheated on and now you are trying to get a woman who is willing to cheat on her long term H. On LS, we often speak of serial cheaters and one-time cheaters. LsD, during all your years as active-duty military and being married, did you cheat on your W? How many times was that? My understanding is that your friend is an old one, but one with whom you didn't have much contact with while married but reconnected after discovering your W's affair and divorcing. Is that right? I believe you've related that your friend's H knows about you and at least some aspects of your "friendship". How much does he really know? What would you say is the single biggest positive about your friend over the numerous women you've met and dated over the years since your divorce? If you could sum it up in one sentence, what would it be? You're both very different people than you were 40 years ago, yet there is some inexplicable continuity which remains. What is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 Would it hurt you to look for a single lady? Don't you find it creepy that you secretly moved to this womans town with the intent of stealing her from her H. On top of that you are doing all of this without her knowledge. Its like something from a suspense film. Come on even if you do get her do you want her? You have been cheated on and now you are trying to get a woman who is willing to cheat on her long term H. Funny you should ask that. I was out over the holidays with a very sweet gal, had a great time, while it wasn't "romantic" it was a weekend to remember. I am NOT closed off to other possibilities. Being a mind numbed robot focused on one thing to the exclusion of the rest of the world isn't my stlye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 On LS, we often speak of serial cheaters and one-time cheaters. LsD, during all your years as active-duty military and being married, did you cheat on your W? How many times was that? My understanding is that your friend is an old one, but one with whom you didn't have much contact with while married but reconnected after discovering your W's affair and divorcing. Is that right? I believe you've related that your friend's H knows about you and at least some aspects of your "friendship". How much does he really know? What would you say is the single biggest positive about your friend over the numerous women you've met and dated over the years since your divorce? If you could sum it up in one sentence, what would it be? You're both very different people than you were 40 years ago, yet there is some inexplicable continuity which remains. What is it? Never cheated. I was true blue in love. There was ZERO contact between the lady and I while I was married, we were lost to eachother. As to a single sentence describing the "difference"? When I'm with her, or even talking with her I feel truely alive. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Never cheated. I was true blue in love. There was ZERO contact between the lady and I while I was married, we were lost to eachother. As to a single sentence describing the "difference"? When I'm with her, or even talking with her I feel truely alive. LsD, I was wondering how it was going with you, and with the Lady of the Lake. You've been so quiet I was wondering whether you were drifting off... I'm glad to hear that that isn't the case, that you're still on the planet and that you're still true to Lakey form! She may take ages to come around. She may never come around But there's only one way to find out. And if she doesn't come around, your grand romantic gesture is sending out messages all over the Universe and should you start looking elsewhere, you'll no doubt have your pick of others to choose from. Meantime LsD, be true to your dream, and true to your heart. You have only this once to live, and it's always better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't have the courage to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 LsD, I was wondering how it was going with you, and with the Lady of the Lake. You've been so quiet I was wondering whether you were drifting off... I'm glad to hear that that isn't the case, that you're still on the planet and that you're still true to Lakey form! She may take ages to come around. She may never come around But there's only one way to find out. And if she doesn't come around, your grand romantic gesture is sending out messages all over the Universe and should you start looking elsewhere, you'll no doubt have your pick of others to choose from. Meantime LsD, be true to your dream, and true to your heart. You have only this once to live, and it's always better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't have the courage to do. Owoman, Regrets? I have a few (Paul Anka?), I regret not starting this process years ago. Now, none at all. I'm not about to worry about the past. As for being true to my dream, there's nothing else to do now. Communications between us are improving. She's making jokes and laughing, big smiles too. I don't know how this will end, it's not going badly though. One thing I know now that I didn't know before is that I need to be proactive. Not pushy, not in your face proactive at all. I just need to be here, close, ready to be a rock in her life. Showing her that I'm what she needs, not just what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 OMG, you've actually personally interacted with her husband before?!! I completely missed that part of this saga! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Owoman, Regrets? I have a few (Paul Anka?) Well, I guess... he did WRITE it, but most people would link that to Frankie... One thing I know now that I didn't know before is that I need to be proactive. Not pushy, not in your face proactive at all. I just need to be here, close, ready to be a rock in her life. Showing her that I'm what she needs, not just what she wants. You know LsD, dependability and reliability are really underrated! I'm so used to getting by myself, counting on my own resources to get on with things, that it's taken me a good while to recognise - and accept - that having someone around who IS always there for you and will step in when you need, if you'll let them, is a blessing and not a weakness. I'll bet your Lady of the Lake has been in that zone too - having detached from her H (to whatever degree) and making her own way, it's a big adjustment to letting someone in and just accepting that they are there for you, and that you can count on them when you need to. So big ups to you on moves in that direction! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 3, 2008 Author Share Posted December 3, 2008 Well, I guess... he did WRITE it, but most people would link that to Frankie... You know LsD, dependability and reliability are really underrated! I'm so used to getting by myself, counting on my own resources to get on with things, that it's taken me a good while to recognise - and accept - that having someone around who IS always there for you and will step in when you need, if you'll let them, is a blessing and not a weakness. I'll bet your Lady of the Lake has been in that zone too - having detached from her H (to whatever degree) and making her own way, it's a big adjustment to letting someone in and just accepting that they are there for you, and that you can count on them when you need to. So big ups to you on moves in that direction! Sure it's a Chairman of the board tune... but someone had to write it. Don't try to sing it! It's a monster. My Lake Lady has been the breadwinner now for a very long time. Complains about it too. Well sort of. PM if you want the dirt. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 It's a monster. You say that like it wa a bad thing My Lake Lady has been the breadwinner now for a very long time. Complains about it too. Well sort of. PM if you want the dirt. As someone who's been legally forbidden to work these last few months, I'm feeling the strain of the opposite! I know it's not everyone's view, but to me it's really necessary to feel that everyone is contributing equitably. I've been the breadwinner before (a contributing factor to my leaving my M) and I'm now an idle layabout, and neither feels comfortable to me. I'd complain about it too! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 "Legally forbidden to work?":lmao: (Unless you're an illegal alien perhaps?) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 "Legally forbidden to work?":lmao: (Unless you're an illegal alien perhaps?) Bingo. I'm on a visitor's permit, until we marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Bingo. I'm on a visitor's permit, until we marry. You aren't "illegal" OWoman, you are legally restricted from working and are to be applauded for abiding by your host countries rules. Kudo's. Illegal = Sick Bird Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 Funny you should ask that. I was out over the holidays with a very sweet gal, had a great time, while it wasn't "romantic" it was a weekend to remember. Oh, oh! Lake is becoming a good catch in town and soon he may become smitten with a young'un and forget married lady.. Good thing you are talking Lake, thats great, and that you are seeing each other spending time. You'll resolve all your doubts and live a part of your dream. (Touche is back!!! How was it? Post pictures) Link to post Share on other sites
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