White Flower Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 It's always warm here. Two spare rooms at my place... twin beds in both so you might have to bring your own. I'm up for the City (that's what they call S.F. if you live there) if OWomans crowd ponies up! No goldbrickers allowed. WF's always welcome, and has a pass. We can have a Lakeside Bash! I'm all for it. OWoman, start looking for flights! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 You'll need a rental car and a tank of gas Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Not at all. I was very close to both my children throughout their childhoods. His troubles began surfacing earlier than the troubles in the marriage did. He was always a handfull. I certainly hope he pulls out of it soon, he's nearing 30 years of age. Maybe its time for therapy or an intervention for though he isn't an old man he is a long way away from being a young man either. Maybe a good old fashioned kick in the pants would suffice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 10, 2008 Author Share Posted December 10, 2008 Maybe its time for therapy or an intervention for though he isn't an old man he is a long way away from being a young man either. Maybe a good old fashioned kick in the pants would suffice. PP, It's way past the therapy stage. He needs to be clean and sober first. He drinks, smokes reefer, and I am sure he's doing meth when he can afford it. He will also take any drug that's handy, Opiods, synthetics, anything. Meth is his drug of choice. His behavior is typical "meth" behavior. He cleaned up for a year or more with me. that ended 6 years ago. He found a source for meth. He left and immediately began getting into trouble with the police. To my great displeasure he was arrested for domestic violence, and more meth, and a bunch of lesser charges. I spent over a years income trying to keep him out of jail, paying bail, lawyers fees. and fines. He finally stopped asking for help. Two years ago his mom (my ex) took him in, and tried again. He was back on the streets in less than a year. He cannot successfully interact in any structured situation, not even with his own family. He must decide to change his behavior. Thus far he hasn't. In my experiance a very high percentage of meth users never decide to change. Sadly, there are no long term meth users. They destroy themselves before they can get old. I worry about it every day, but I am helpless to change his situation. That responsibility is his alone. I tried to help him 7 years ago. I put my happiness and future on hold, made sacrifices I had to. I created the best situation I could for him and he rejected my efforts in favor of narcotics. Finally I cannot afford to try again. He is a violent man. I am not as able to deal with his violence now as I was then due to age, and heart problems I suffered five years ago. If I allowed him to live with me, and he was able to score his drug, he could literally croak me without really meaning to. I know this is still true as he attacked the ex's new husband only a few months ago. My heart attacks closed off the possibility of a personal intervention by me. That option is closed to , him. If you want more details about the "meth mess" PM me, I've been through it (as a parent) from A-Z and back. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I've just sent up a prayer for him for I know it will find him well again. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 CloisteredSeabird, She's doing fine with her OM/Hubbie. I chatted for a few minutes with her after the holiday, first phone conversation in 4 years or so. My daughter was visiting her and handed her the phone to say hi. "Long past" ain't the word for it. It's so far gone there are no hard feelings at all. I can't even muster the emotion to wish her ill. Somehow, I missed this! BTW, have you fully recovered from your heart attack? You always sound so upbeat and full of energy I'd have never suspected that you endured such a life threatening trial or tribulation. You are right in cutting back on all stressors in your life that cause you angst for no matter how successful you may become there is nothing more important than your health! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 You'll need a rental car and a tank of gas You coming Carhill? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 That's up to LsD. Perhaps he's more comfortable with having his harem all to himself Edited to add I thought you were talking about his place. SFO is no problem. Train and BART for me. Adventure Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Been on the BART myself. Not a bad ride;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 Somehow, I missed this! BTW, have you fully recovered from your heart attack? You always sound so upbeat and full of energy I'd have never suspected that you endured such a life threatening trial or tribulation. You are right in cutting back on all stressors in your life that cause you angst for no matter how successful you may become there is nothing more important than your health! Recovered? I lived through it, and have learned to deal with my lowered capability. I'm a big guy and it was quite an adjustment in coming to the realization that I couldn't do the "big guy" things anymore. But I'm happy with being alive, and kicking. The biggest problem was the prednisone I took for a couple of years afterward. Steriods are not a good thing. They were necessary to rebuild the heart muscle. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Been on the BART myself. Not a bad ride;) How is good old Bart? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Well now, the holidays are almost here. Daughter is remaining in California, and my son is in parts unknown! I'm not "hunkering down" though, I'm taking a little vacation time and heading out to visit friends, and generally make a nusience of myself. Had a very nice visit with the MW yesterday. Nice not just cordial. She was happy and flirty and we shared lots of smiles and stuff. That's a "happy holiday" for me. I wish everyone here reading this epic thread has a great holiday season. Remember all, life is way to short to waste it. Squeeze as much happiness as you can out of what you have. Merry Christmas, and happy new year! Link to post Share on other sites
justbored Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 dude, try one of those dating services; something leave this woman alone. Look women are easy, here are a few tips. Do NOT wait to talk to a woman do it right away, that way you have thought less about it and won't come off like such a moron. Women are not all looking for Brad Pitt; they want someone that is consider at but isn't always hanging around them obsessed, etc (you) Look at women as a population rather than as just one in particular; believe me this MW you are referring likely her husband, mom, mother-in-law all know. don't touch them too much if you are touch them it should be for a reason; ie have sex (there are videos now). Women like to kiss much more than men do; if you don't try to kiss them they think there is no "chemistry" so try they are supposed to turn you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 dude, try one of those dating services; something leave this woman alone. Look women are easy, here are a few tips. Do NOT wait to talk to a woman do it right away, that way you have thought less about it and won't come off like such a moron. Women are not all looking for Brad Pitt; they want someone that is consider at but isn't always hanging around them obsessed, etc (you) Look at women as a population rather than as just one in particular; believe me this MW you are referring likely her husband, mom, mother-in-law all know. don't touch them too much if you are touch them it should be for a reason; ie have sex (there are videos now). Women like to kiss much more than men do; if you don't try to kiss them they think there is no "chemistry" so try they are supposed to turn you down. Justbored. I understand your screen name. I got a real kick out of your "suggestions". Or rather proclaimations. I bet they have merit if you're 22-23 years old. I certainly appreciate your efforts to "instruct" me. If you'd read the thread, (which is a ridictulous notion, it's epic) you would know that the lady and I are in our late 50's and this relationship has been 40 years in the making. Mothers, Fathers, Inlaws are all croaked. I am way past the point in life where seeing women as "a population" is long past. Most likely this is the last go around for me. I'm dedicated to getting it right. Have fun with your tatics. You are young, and full of spunk. Someday quanity won't be as important to you as happiness. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
staystronggirl Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 If you'd read the thread, (which is a ridictulous notion, it's epic) . LakesideDream, I DID read the whole thread. It's a great read! Good Luck to you! Hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 20, 2008 Author Share Posted December 20, 2008 LakesideDream, I DID read the whole thread. It's a great read! Good Luck to you! Hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Things were slow starting. Mostly because I lacked the courage to act more quickly. We are beginning to get along right smartly now, and I have lots of reasons to be happy. No matter what else happens, I can say without question that it's nice to have those kind of "happy" feelings again. Seeing more happiness dancing on the horizon 'aint so bad either. I wouldn't trade feeling good again for anything. As I've said, patience is my best attribute, won from long experiance. I'll lean on it as long as it takes. Thank you for the kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Lakeside, I am so sorry that you've been living with such huge pain and disappointment (your son's lifestyle). I am a mother and I can only imagine the horror of seeing your own child destroy his life in front of your eyes. You have all my sympathy. You are right in cutting back on all stressors in your life that cause you angst for no matter how successful you may become there is nothing more important than your health!I don't think Lake would agree with you that "there is nothing more important than his health." I am sure his son's life is more important to him and he would gladly give up his life to save his son. The devastating fact is that he can't help him, no matter how much he tries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 20, 2008 Author Share Posted December 20, 2008 I don't think Lake would agree with you that "there is nothing more important than his health." I am sure his son's life is more important to him and he would gladly give up his life to save his son. The devastating fact is that he can't help him, no matter how much he tries. RP, I would certainly give up what's left of my life to know my boy was on the straight and narrow. Seven years ago my l\Lady by the Lake was in the middle of a huge crisis, as was my son. I did what I had to do. She knew it too. When I had to make a choice I chose my son. I had a chance to make a difference with him. And it worked for a year or more. In the end, college kid neighbors moved in across the street, brought their drugs with them and he was back at it, a year and a half wasted. And, his dad's best chance at happiness gone. Once again I chose someone else over her. I'm sure she respected that it was my son. I'm equally sure that the sting was just as bad. I know now that there was actually nothing I could do for my boy that I dildn't do. Meth is a powerful thing. Until someone wants to beat it, you can't help them. Even then sometimes all the effort in the universe isn't enough. All I can do now is pray. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 I know now that there was actually nothing I could do for my boy that I dildn't do. Meth is a powerful thing. Until someone wants to beat it, you can't help them. Even then sometimes all the effort in the universe isn't enough. All I can do now is pray.My heart is breaking for you and for all the parents who deal with this pain. My husband is desperately trying to help his ex-wife and make her go to rehab for meth addiction, but she is bipolar and refuses to undergo any form of therapy whatsoever. I know your son doesn't have a mental problem (or at least you didn't mention it), but has he tried seeing a good psychiatrist? Has he tried rehab? I think most people who do drugs are actually very sad. Firstly because the drugs start destroying them and secondly, the sadness from the addiction causes a lack of motivation to get out of the depression. Motivation is the biggest factor in rehabilitation. I also think that if you show that you are not giving up, he might start feeling differently about his life. You don't have to live with him or pay for his mistakes - just talk to him. Talk, talk, talk, never stop, never give up. We are parents and we gotta do what we gotta do. It's not over 'till it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 It's obvious that the emotional affair is right back on. Is the physical affair on also? Are you afraid of her husband? Do you know the guy? What do you think of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 It's obvious that the emotional affair is right back on. Is the physical affair on also? Are you afraid of her husband? Do you know the guy? What do you think of him? Well, not so obvious to me... I'm happy that we are smiling and happy when we see each other. The H? He's absent a lot, fishing, or playing with his hobbies or something. He doesen't feel the compulsion to work (wonder how that's going to go in this economy?). I don't "know him" we've never me. Afraid of him? Never gave it a thought. I haven't been afraid of anyone since I was an 18 year old. I don't even fear her deciding to maintain the status quo. It's out of my hands. I don't believe that there is a possibility of it being a physical confrontation, I certainly don't want it to be. Neither of us is young enough to act that foolishly. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Well, not so obvious to me... I'm happy that we are smiling and happy when we see each other. I am just wondering....have you invited her to your place yet and spend some alone time there with her? Did she reveal any of her intentions yet what you are to her? Does she want to be just friends or does she want an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 I am just wondering....have you invited her to your place yet and spend some alone time there with her? Did she reveal any of her intentions yet what you are to her? Does she want to be just friends or does she want an affair? No, I haven't. And..she hasn't "revealed her intentions" and I wouldn't have expected her to. She knows where I live. She knows where my business is. I know the same about her. I am very pleased that she's happy to see me when I make an excuse to "drop by". This is a process signedin, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by pushing agendas. She knows why I moved here. On our fist meeting she asked me "why" (I moved here), I looked her in the eyes and said "to be near you". That's just over two months ago, after being here for 8 months without real contact (a friend had told her I was here). She didn't rebuff me then. Since she has become more and more welcoming, and flirty, and charming. I don't believe "an affair" in the conventional sense of the word is in the cards. It's more an "all in" or "all out" situation between us. If it begins, there won't be any going back. Methinks I'm on the right track doing what I am. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy love Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 me thinks so too Lakeside I've been silently rooting for you and keeping myself updated on your situation. I admire your strength and am inspired by your passion. Slow and steady Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 I don't believe "an affair" in the conventional sense of the word is in the cards. It's more an "all in" or "all out" situation between us. If it begins, there won't be any going back. Methinks I'm on the right track doing what I am. Why haven't you made a move on her yet, when you have done it all in the past? Not even a kiss? When you do see her, where do you meet? Over coffee? If it's all in or all out, what is she waiting for? There is no kids in the house to be going away for college, there is no dying husband in the hospital....what is she waiting for IF she is going to be "all in?" Don't you think she is going to keep doing what's happening? Having you on the side for admiration, emotional support, etc. and have a husband at home for comfort, normality, familiarity, etc.? Why would she give up her family, face in the community, normacy, etc. for you when she already have a good piece of your time? Link to post Share on other sites
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