Trimmer Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 OWoman, If someone would have said to me that love is what really matters in the first 45 years or so of my life I would probably have put up an argument. The last 15 years? No arguments. Heh heh... If you had told me that love is what really matters in my first 40 years, I would have accepted it on its face. Now, I think I might argue. Just the opposite! (But maybe it's just a phase...) Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Are you and your married woman still sneaking around? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Are you and your married woman still sneaking around? Thanks for asking. The short answer is no, not that we were "sneaking around" anyway. I spent Christmas to New Years out of town, and came back with a ton of work to do. Long drives, give one time to do a lot of thinking. I had lots of time to examine my situation. One thing that came to me was that I was being way to "easy". While not exactly trying to "play hard to get", I'm kinda hoping for lonliness makes the heart grow fonder. I am not "needy". I don't need the woman, I love her and want her. There is no point in giving her the impression that I'm a needy person as I'm not. "Needy" isn't right either, "easy" would be more appropriate. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life and community. I'm proud of the home I've made. I'm not sure what the next step is. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thanks for asking. The short answer is no, not that we were "sneaking around" anyway. I spent Christmas to New Years out of town, and came back with a ton of work to do. Long drives, give one time to do a lot of thinking. I had lots of time to examine my situation. One thing that came to me was that I was being way to "easy". While not exactly trying to "play hard to get", I'm kinda hoping for lonliness makes the heart grow fonder. I am not "needy". I don't need the woman, I love her and want her. There is no point in giving her the impression that I'm a needy person as I'm not. "Needy" isn't right either, "easy" would be more appropriate. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life and community. I'm proud of the home I've made. I'm not sure what the next step is. The next step, IMO, is to enjoy your life - your new home, your business, your professional and social relationships in the area and beyond. She knows you're there, she knows where to find you. She can watch from a distance and make the choices she needs to make. While you make the choices you need to make - small ones, each day. What to have for breakfast, which shirt to wear, whether to have ice in your whisky... Enjoy your life. If she's not enjoying hers, she'll see what she's missing, and want some of it. The only timetable to all of this is your own. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thanks for asking. The short answer is no, not that we were "sneaking around" anyway. Well, if you want to get all technical, every time she calls you or meet with you, it's behind her husband's back, right? That's sneaking around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Well, if you want to get all technical, every time she calls you or meet with you, it's behind her husband's back, right? That's sneaking around. I have no idea what he knows or doesen't know, and don't care. But I suppose you are correct. Chatting in public just doesen't seem like sneaking to me. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Well, if you want to get all technical, every time she calls you or meet with you, it's behind her husband's back, right? That's sneaking around. Gosh - I don't tell my fiance each time I have coffee with someone, and I certainly don't expect him to tell me. Are we sneaking around behind each other's backs already, and we're not even married yet? Doomed, doomed, I say LsD, enough of the sneaking! Next time ring a bell or something, so that people look up and see you! Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I've followed your thread since I became a member here. It's nice to see how you have taken care of yourself and put yourself in a good place whether it works out or not. Gosh - I don't tell my fiance each time I have coffee with someone, and I certainly don't expect him to tell me. I tell my husband when I have coffee with someone. It would seem silly to leave that out when we are talking about our day. Since I have nothing to hide, I don't hide anything. I'm not implying that you are hiding anything because from your posts I know you aren't. I'm just wondering if spouses sharing their day and what they did is not normal. I also ask my son how his classes went, what did he learn in Science, was lunch any good, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I tell my husband when I have coffee with someone. It would seem silly to leave that out when we are talking about our day. Since I have nothing to hide, I don't hide anything. I'm not implying that you are hiding anything because from your posts I know you aren't. I'm just wondering if spouses sharing their day and what they did is not normal. I also ask my son how his classes went, what did he learn in Science, was lunch any good, etc. If I told him every time I had coffee with someone, he'd think I did nothing but drink coffee all day! (Many of my meetings happen over coffee.) But I suppose because we're in the same field, we tend to spend more time talking about the worky aspects of our day (his ideas for his next book, a discussion I had with someone that we're thinking of writing up as a paper, an interesting article he found, how my teaching went that morning...) unless something important / funny / unusual crops up on the social side. We do talk about what we did, but we talk more about what we thought about, and what we thought about what we did, and what - on reflection - we now think about what we thought about and what we did. :laugh: I guess that's one of the hazards of the job... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 We do talk about what we did, but we talk more about what we thought about, and what we thought about what we did, and what - on reflection - we now think about what we thought about and what we did. :laugh: I guess that's one of the hazards of the job... THAT was a mouthful. Man, my head hurts. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 One thing that came to me was that I was being way to "easy". While not exactly trying to "play hard to get", I'm kinda hoping for lonliness makes the heart grow fonder. This sounds like the LC/NC trap - hoping that they then start to think like you are thinking about what they are possibly missing. It rarely ever works. If I had a dollar for the amount of times I've "played hard to get" and was simply forgotten about or assumed to have been as busy as the person I went LC/NC without telling them, I'd be rich. Be proactive. You'd be better off just telling her that you were having these thoughts than looking for her to be reactive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 This sounds like the LC/NC trap - hoping that they then start to think like you are thinking about what they are possibly missing. It rarely ever works. If I had a dollar for the amount of times I've "played hard to get" and was simply forgotten about or assumed to have been as busy as the person I went LC/NC without telling them, I'd be rich. Be proactive. You'd be better off just telling her that you were having these thoughts than looking for her to be reactive. Good advice NoIDidn't, I am mulling it over. I have been feeling a bit "down" as of late, post holiday, actually down and "drama" adverse. I should work harder at getting back on my path. Being single, with only business responsibilities can sometimes be very seductive. Coming home, doing dishes, fixing dinner.. watching the tube, working on the computer from home with no interupption can be relaxing, and if not satisfying in a personal sense, satisfying overall. I've been spending time with "that" emotional part of my brain switched off for a few weeks. Time to switch it back on, thanks for the nudge in that direction. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Ya know LSD, I think you've painted your love interest in the corner of a tight "catch 22"! You've spoken often of the character, dignity, and grace this woman espouses yet hope that she will compromise her deeply entrenched values for a love long lost. She knows how deeply committed and devoted you were to your marriage and how crippling the pain was that you endured when met by the betrayal of your EX so she may be thinking "How will he ultimately feel about me should I do the same thing to my own husband who has been as deeply devoted and committed in my own marriage" when the dust has truly settled? Also, once the dust has settled can she truly say that the love for you is everlasting when the love she professed at the altar of her wedding didn't stand the test of time? When you were but a mere distraction from the humdrum of her daily reality the romantic notions of an ethereal life with you was much easier to handle because it remained an intangible spectre to her big picture. Now that you are here in the flesh and making your intentions known she must face the indelible aspects of what defines her core values to determine what she must sacrifice to make the life altering changes sure to come if she were to divorce her husband for you. She is impaled on the horns of a conundrum guaranteed to anguish her soul no matter what decision she is forced to make so making no decision is deemed her safest bet! This is the limbo that you find yourself in and, barring exposure or intervention, where you shall remain for the forseeable future so the question that begs is whether you perceive love delayed as love denied and how long you can hold your feet to the fire for the sake of the love that your soul seeks?!! Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 How things improve recently? Either mentally or otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Hi Y'all, this is most likely the last post on this thread. It's been a year now. As they say, the best efforts of mice and men often come to naught. This one has come to naught. Rolling way back to the beginning I have always proffered that I would not push, make demands, or otherwise try and force my will on this situation, or the lady. Making the move was enough of a statement I thought. I can say honestly that I have lived up to those ideals completely. I have remained the gentelman. The last year has been a good one. The house is nice, comfortable, a place I am proud of. I have never lived like this before. It's what I have hoped my whole life to have. Through 25 years of marriage, and the years since I have not been able to manage having a place like this to live. I have it now. Even in the shattering economy the business is doing OK. Nothing spactacular but OK. I have enough. The work isn't to difficult, or physically taxing. I don't hate doing it. The Lady? It appears that's not going to happen. "Appears" in this case is pretty final. I have stayed away from her completely since the Christmas Holiday, putting some space between us (even though we live just miles apart) to give both of us, primarily me time to think clearly. We exchanged an email today. Short and sweet. She's happy the way she is. I respect that. Part of "respecting that" will be learning to treat her as a neighbor, not a close neighbor. It won't be a difficult learning process. It's pretty much status quo. Sadness? A little. An hour or so of butterfly in the stomach. A little feeling disoriented. Maybe I'll feel some depression, maybe not. Things are what they are. I'm good at recognizing reality. I don't have any shoulders to cry on, and that's probably a good thing. As always I will improvise, adapt, and overcome whatever stands blocking my way. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Im sorry it didnt work out for you but pleased that you are happy in your new home. You are a very courageous person. Only good things can come of this. I wish you all the best in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 You do know that you have opened yourself up to a lot of "told you so" responses by posting your update. I'm really sorry that it didn't work out for you.....I really am. I was really hoping that your situation would have a different ending. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 With a new day dawns new opportunity. Acceptance can be cathartic in many ways, not the least of which is sending out signals of availability into the world. You picked the perfect spot to be available IMO, she set aside a very good man. Her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 You do know that you have opened yourself up to a lot of "told you so" responses by posting your update. I'm really sorry that it didn't work out for you.....I really am. I was really hoping that your situation would have a different ending. Kasan... I told myself too, so no suprise there. It was something I felt compelled to do. Lots of people talk about "closure". Maybe this was my closure. As of now this 40+ year experiance goes into the Loves Lost, and Loves that could have been catagories. Life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Sorry about your pain...and that is great about the house. I hope though that you'll find true happiness in your life, because the newness and excitement of the new house will eventually wear off... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I can't say that I'm sorry that it turned out this way...honestly, on the contrary, I'm glad to hear that she had the gumption to say no to an affair, and yes to her marriage. With that said...I truly do wish the best for you. I hope that your new home, new job, new local...I hope all of that provides you additional opportunity for happiness on your own. I sincerely hope you find someone who is free to be with you, and who chooses to do so. Take care, friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Just wanted to check in and say I'm sorry for the pain, etc.. regardless of how bad it is. You seem like a really good guy and it took some balls to post this update. I don't agree with what you were doing but I still have a lot of respect for you. Good luck man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 I can't say that I'm sorry that it turned out this way...honestly, on the contrary, I'm glad to hear that she had the gumption to say no to an affair, and yes to her marriage. With that said...I truly do wish the best for you. I hope that your new home, new job, new local...I hope all of that provides you additional opportunity for happiness on your own. I sincerely hope you find someone who is free to be with you, and who chooses to do so. Take care, friend. Wise 'ol Owl, Thank you for your best wishes. Be sure that I absolutely refuse to be unhappy. I do my very best to control my life and have for years now. Being unhappy isn't an option. Frankly, on the other hand I don't expect to be very happy. Barring something bizzare happening, (running into Cybil Sheppard finding out she needs a room and the towns sold out) happiness will probably have to find me. I can't imagine feeling like making my own for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Happiness is already yours. (((((Lakeside))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Kamikaze Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Hi Y'all, this is most likely the last post on this thread. It's been a year now. As they say, the best efforts of mice and men often come to naught. This one has come to naught. Rolling way back to the beginning I have always proffered that I would not push, make demands, or otherwise try and force my will on this situation, or the lady. Making the move was enough of a statement I thought. I can say honestly that I have lived up to those ideals completely. I have remained the gentelman. The last year has been a good one. The house is nice, comfortable, a place I am proud of. I have never lived like this before. It's what I have hoped my whole life to have. Through 25 years of marriage, and the years since I have not been able to manage having a place like this to live. I have it now. Even in the shattering economy the business is doing OK. Nothing spactacular but OK. I have enough. The work isn't to difficult, or physically taxing. I don't hate doing it. The Lady? It appears that's not going to happen. "Appears" in this case is pretty final. I have stayed away from her completely since the Christmas Holiday, putting some space between us (even though we live just miles apart) to give both of us, primarily me time to think clearly. We exchanged an email today. Short and sweet. She's happy the way she is. I respect that. Part of "respecting that" will be learning to treat her as a neighbor, not a close neighbor. It won't be a difficult learning process. It's pretty much status quo. Sadness? A little. An hour or so of butterfly in the stomach. A little feeling disoriented. Maybe I'll feel some depression, maybe not. Things are what they are. I'm good at recognizing reality. I don't have any shoulders to cry on, and that's probably a good thing. As always I will improvise, adapt, and overcome whatever stands blocking my way. If You Forget Me I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine. My Best Kami Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts