Author LakesideDream Posted June 21, 2009 Author Share Posted June 21, 2009 It's been almost 2 months of "no contact". Not official NC, just a nobody communicating. I have never been a proponent of NC, but I have to admit that it does make things easier. If you have no expectation of seeing or talking with the person it makes it easier, at least for me. One day at a time I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I can answer for Lakey. No youngins at the Ponderosa and love is a funny thing. I can love someone who lives thousands of miles away and he can love me. There are two kinds of love, the love that is in our hearts and won't go away no matter how we try and the love we choose to give to someone else such as in marriage. 'Love is an action based on a decision' is the marriage kind of love. We choose to act in a loving manner. Sometimes that kind of love is sincere and other times it is not. The first kind of love is impossible to control. We cannot choose for it to leave our hearts. If we could do that, we would all be robots. Lakey is not loving his dream woman because she loves him; he loves her because he does not have the choice to not love her. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I can answer for Lakey. No youngins at the Ponderosa and love is a funny thing. I can love someone who lives thousands of miles away and he can love me. There are two kinds of love, the love that is in our hearts and won't go away no matter how we try and the love we choose to give to someone else such as in marriage. 'Love is an action based on a decision' is the marriage kind of love. We choose to act in a loving manner. Sometimes that kind of love is sincere and other times it is not. The first kind of love is impossible to control. We cannot choose for it to leave our hearts. If we could do that, we would all be robots. Lakey is not loving his dream woman because she loves him; he loves her because he does not have the choice to not love her. WF I have never seen this explained so clearly and accurately before. I think you are right on the money, with every word. Thanks for that!! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 WF I have never seen this explained so clearly and accurately before. I think you are right on the money, with every word. Thanks for that!! Thanks OB, I've got plenty of marriage and family self-help books on the shelf that helped me arrive at this conclusion. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 However - may I add that the "first kind of love" is impossible to control IN OUR HEARTS. We can control what we DO about it. That part is our choice to decide. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Thanks OB, I've got plenty of marriage and family self-help books on the shelf that helped me arrive at this conclusion. :confused: I don't understand. Have I offended you? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 :confused: I don't understand. Have I offended you? No way! Why would I be offended? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 No way! Why would I be offended? I don't know, that's why I was asking. I believe that only a person who has actually LIVED those kinds of loves, could write about it like that. Is that really in all those self-help books? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 I don't know, that's why I was asking. I believe that only a person who has actually LIVED those kinds of loves, could write about it like that. Is that really in all those self-help books? Actually, you are right; they are lived experiences. Yet, I did buy all the books while I was trying to save my M and the experts only reinforced thoughts I was having. I thought it might help if I underline sentences I was trying to convey to my then H so that he could see an expert on the subject was agreeing with me but it didn't work with him. Oh well, his loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Other than her, who else know that you moved to that town to be close to her? Do your kids know? Do your siblings know? Do your friends know? What do they think? Eh, who cares what they think. What's done is done and we've already given him the the third, fourth and fifth degree about it. I just want him to be happy now with his new place. Happy fathers day Lake! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 I can answer for Lakey. No youngins at the Ponderosa and love is a funny thing. I can love someone who lives thousands of miles away and he can love me. There are two kinds of love, the love that is in our hearts and won't go away no matter how we try and the love we choose to give to someone else such as in marriage. 'Love is an action based on a decision' is the marriage kind of love. We choose to act in a loving manner. Sometimes that kind of love is sincere and other times it is not. The first kind of love is impossible to control. We cannot choose for it to leave our hearts. If we could do that, we would all be robots. Lakey is not loving his dream woman because she loves him; he loves her because he does not have the choice to not love her. WF, Love is the only thing worth believing in, anything, everything else is just naive. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 WF, Love is the only thing worth believing in, anything, everything else is just naive. Having gone through what you have, how could you have arrived at this conclusion? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 WF, Love is the only thing worth believing in, anything, everything else is just naive. Having gone through what you have, how could you have arrived at this conclusion? Yeah - all due respect, LD, but isn't the idea that "love is the only thing worth believing in" itself naive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 22, 2009 Author Share Posted June 22, 2009 Having gone through what you have, how could you have arrived at this conclusion? I know it's true Athena. The only thing that brings me peace tranquility and happiness is what's in my heart. It's always been that way. When everyday life is at it's toughest all I need to do is close my eyes and travel to my memories, and happiness happens. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 Pretty scary thing, when a man is at peace with himself Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted June 22, 2009 Share Posted June 22, 2009 WF, Love is the only thing worth believing in, anything, everything else is just naive. What about death and taxes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Lake, why avoid my question? Is the reason behind this move of yours secret to everyone? Creeks, I didn't "avoid" your question, I've probably answered it 25 times on this thread. All my living (and one dead) reletive(s) know where and why I moved here, including my ex wife. Those "friends" I was close to where I previously lived know and understand why I moved. Of the people I've made friends with since the move (long time now) I've told three people, but not in detail. One, it's a very small town. Two, it takes time to have comfort with "friends", that time hasn't passed. I can't imagine calling my move was ever much of a "secret". I have a reasonably high profile in the community, as successful business in a time when business's are failing weekly, and I go where I want when and where it pleases me. My phone number is published, as is my address on many public documents. As it turns out she knew I was "in town" within a month. Before you ask, I have no idea what her husband knows. No idea whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 What about your kids? Do they know? How old are they? Do you they your wife's cheating? Do they support you with your "journey?" I don't fully understand your question. "All my living (and one dead)reletive(s) by definition covers my children both adults for a decade. Both "children" know what happened in my long gone marriage. I only stopped supporting the kids a few short years ago, I'm not sure what they "support" or don't "support". I don't know if their Democrats or Republicans either. Both subjects are trivial. My adult children respect my personal privacy. I respect theirs. I know all about their dogs and cats, jobs and cars... (no grandkids yet!). Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 Hey young man, don't you get smart with me. Then why don't you try reading the thread instead of asking what amounts to a bunch of stupid questions, since they've already been asked and answered plenty of times. If you don't have the patience to read the whole thing then you're not really invested enough to deserve an answer. Its either that, or you have severe short-term memory loss and repeating the answers won't really help you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted June 23, 2009 Share Posted June 23, 2009 You've got a simplistic mind. There are a third and a fourth explaination.I agree about the other explanations but I didn't want to start insulting your overall intelligence beyond the memory loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Last night I re-read the first 40 pages of this thread. It is amazing how things are transpiring. I can't say I'm dissapointed in the outcome to date. I'm having a good time, working hard, and enjoying life. Obviously from reading the thread I anticipated exactly this "to date" outcome was a serious possibility. I'm pleased that I've been able to stay true to my goals. Patience is my most valuable attribute, in all things. Few of us have a "journal" like this thread to go back an access 18 months of effort. That's a wonder in itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 23, 2009 Author Share Posted June 23, 2009 Young man, I know things did not turn out how you wanted it to be, but, you'll be fine. I am fine. And as I said previously, I am a patient man. Patience is a hard learned attribute. Some never learn. When instant gratification isn't a goal, the world of possibility without regret becomes vast. Link to post Share on other sites
Full Of Hope Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I am fine. And as I said previously, I am a patient man. Patience is a hard learned attribute. Some never learn. When instant gratification isn't a goal, the world of possibility without regret becomes vast. I know you're patient...and I can appreciate that. Just curious though....is your plan to stay in NC mode forever? Are you done? (please say no...crossing fingers) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 I know you're patient...and I can appreciate that. Just curious though....is your plan to stay in NC mode forever? Are you done? (please say no...crossing fingers) We are not "NC". For me at least, the situation is more of momentum. Plus, I'm sure you can appreciate the fact that sometimes, it hurts my heart to see her. When I see her I have to maintain my composure, when what I really want, need, burn for is to take her into my arms hold on like a drowning man holds onto a life preserver. At times the elation of seeing her is replaced by the emptiest sensation you can imagine when I must walk away from her. The twinkles in her eyes, and the way she smiles at me sweeps me skyward. I'm so high, while knowing that a half hour later I'll feel like crawling into a hole and cry for days. Often I don't have the courage to take that step. I'll think about it when I wake up in the morning. I make a decision every day.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted June 25, 2009 Author Share Posted June 25, 2009 Sorry about the ramble and whine. Feeling a bit down tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
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