Bought a new Home today The Adventure Begins!

[White Flower]

Great news that you're feeling so settled, LsD!

 

I must say I :lmao:d at the idea of you being a stalker!! I think those of us who've experience real stalking would give anything to have had your kind of low key, respectful "stalking". Hell, if that's stalking, then the guy newly in love who sends his beloved 100 text messages a day should be locked up for life, or the girl who shows up unannounced at her BF's office with roses executed by lethal injection!

I agree. He will state his affection and allow her to make a decision. It is all in her hands. If she declines the offer, life goes on and nobody gets hurt. LsD is too gentle a creature for any other scenario.

[carhill]

So, which open house are we invited to?

[Mino]

one question, LSD, when was the last time you saw your sweetie, just wondering, if I am following right its been a long time, last year?

[81West]

Hi LsD. As far as your girl finding things out I think we passed "Romantic and dashing surprise" a few months ago, tiptoed through "This is a bit creepy now" for a several fortnight, and have now arrived safely at "You're kiddding! That's hilarious". You're doing fine. Keep on keepin' on.

[LakesideDream]

Yes - irrespective of all the "how's she going to feel" discussion, aren't you going to have to eventually decide how you feel about her? You've gone from being fully "committed... to the quest to win my MW" to changing your life, purchasing and preparing a home for the two of you, starting a brick and mortar business to enhance your appearance, to now saying that all of these things stand alone and if she rejects you it's really no big deal?

 

Has this turned out to be a time of growth and reflection, and your feelings for her have really changed that much (and maybe that's a good thing if they have...) or are you being a bit disingenuous here?

 

 

Trimmer, After re-reading the last weeks activity on the post, your question caught my eye. It deserved at least on comment from me.

 

I can tell you without equivication that my heart is in exactly the same place it's been. I want a passionate, happy, comfortable life with this woman. It's the most important "want/need" I have in my life.

 

Realisticly, the move was a huge culture shock to me. Something I did not expect! The two places, lifestyles could not be more different, in a positive way of course. In addition to being in love with the woman, I have fallen in love with the area I have relocated to. This new love has cause some subtile changes in my short term behavior.

 

Little did I suspect, this is the place I'd like to spend the rest of my live enjoying. As this became obvious to me, I began to put down real roots, not just getting by. I've made friends that I hope will last, and I've actually enjoyed living her. That didn't happen where I lived my last 10 years.

 

I want to spend the rest of my life with her.. cuddling, loving, and cavorting shamelessly! My guts tell me I'll never be all that I want to be without her. If that's not possible "right now", I won't go to pieces. Gawd knows I have learned over the past 6+ years that there's always tomorrow. If it doesen't happen "right now", the chances of it happening sooner than later are improved if she can pick up the phone and say.. "hey guy, wanna meet for breakfast at...." If now isn't the "right time" for her, if there never is a "right time" I won't have any trouble at all respecting her privacy. I love her.

 

And if none of it comes true, I'm still here in a beautiful place that to my great suprise I found vastly exceeded my expectations. Not a bad fall back.

[whichwayisup]

LD can I ask? Do you want an affair with her or are you wanting her to leave her husband for you? Just don't start down that road, meeting up and stuff because she could just do nothing and hide you from her H, still stay married and have you in her life.

[Mustang Sally]

And if she leaves her husband for another man that she has had a A with for years, albeit long distance heretofore, does that make her a Walk-Away-Wife?

[carhill]

IMO, regardless of what happens, there will be a ton of labels attached. The label of importance, based on what I'm hearing from LsD, is that of personal happiness for he and the lady in question.

[Owl]

IMO, regardless of what happens, there will be a ton of labels attached. The label of importance, based on what I'm hearing from LsD, is that of personal happiness for he and the lady in question.

 

...and anyone else who's hurt in the process (such as her husband) can just go p!$$ in the wind I guess.

[pelicanpreacher]

I wonder what LSD's Ex is thinking about all of this. I can guarantee, without a shadow of a doubt, that she's been keeping tabs. I'm sure there are few people within LSD's sphere of influence who know some of the particulars of this affair that the Ex is in contact with who may be communicating the facts behind his move to her.

[carhill]

...and anyone else who's hurt in the process (such as her husband) can just go p!$$ in the wind I guess.

Yes, Owl, that's how life works. We're not responsible for everyone else's contentedness. I'm the brutal recipient of that philosophy in business every day. Welcome to the human race. If my wife finds a bigger d!ck and/or a fatter wallet tomorrow, my tough luck. That's reality.

[Mustang Sally]

Carhill -

 

Believe it or not, I have a deeper level of understanding of (what I perceive to be) LsD's "quandry" than I would wish for. I'm not particularly proud of that...but I have answered for it, and I will continue to do so.

 

At the end of the day, I believe there is more value to intangibles such as personal integrity and honest living than we humans frequently would like to acknowledge.

 

Despite all of the rationalization and self-serving manipulation of circumstances that we are capable of manufacturing, irresponsibility is still irresponsibility. Hypocrisy is still hypocrisy. Dishonest is still dishonesty.

 

Now, we can (and often do) chose to ignore those things...it is ever thus, isn't it?

 

But I think this sentiment applies here: "What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so." (Mark Twain)

 

I personally have stumbled before, and will continue to do so from time to time. Thankfully others were there to continue to hold me accountable when I no longer wanted to.

 

This is all I'm offering here.

 

Peace.

[whichwayisup]

Something else I just thought of. You say the Town you're in is very small. IF she does leave her husband for you, don't you think she is going to want to start over, somewhere else, far far away from this little Town? I highly doubt she wants to live in the same place (Town) that she's lived a life with her husband, built friendships, a basic repour (sp??) with those in Town. She'd be the Town gossip..

 

Just something else to think about..

[LakesideDream]

I wonder what LSD's Ex is thinking about all of this. I can guarantee, without a shadow of a doubt, that she's been keeping tabs. I'm sure there are few people within LSD's sphere of influence who know some of the particulars of this affair that the Ex is in contact with who may be communicating the facts behind his move to her.

 

You'd be wrong. Other than my children, who have my new address (phone remained the same) the "Ex" receives no updates and wants none. She has her life, in which I have never interfered. I have my life, which she wouldn't want to interfere in... what's the point after 8 years?

 

She left because she wanted to be with her "soulmate"... they have been souling and mating ever since. There would be no point in her making me angry at this late date. We've got through it all long past without serious acrimony. She's not the ant nest kicking type. For my adult childrens sake I wish her well.

[Owl]

Yes, Owl, that's how life works. We're not responsible for everyone else's contentedness. I'm the brutal recipient of that philosophy in business every day. Welcome to the human race. If my wife finds a bigger d!ck and/or a fatter wallet tomorrow, my tough luck. That's reality.

 

Well, I'm very glad that I don't share your outlook or mindset. Its exactly this kind of view that enables and justifies people to feel free to do exactly what you've described and what LSD is contemplating.

 

I'm also glad that this view isn't shared by everyone...the world would be a far worse place than it is.

 

It may work this way for you...but luckily it doesn't work that way for everyone.

[carhill]

Carhill -

 

Believe it or not, I have a deeper level of understanding of (what I perceive to be) LsD's "quandry" than I would wish for. I'm not particularly proud of that...but I have answered for it, and I will continue to do so.

 

At the end of the day, I believe there is more value to intangibles such as personal integrity and honest living than we humans frequently would like to acknowledge.

 

Despite all of the rationalization and self-serving manipulation of circumstances that we are capable of manufacturing, irresponsibility is still irresponsibility. Hypocrisy is still hypocrisy. Dishonest is still dishonesty.

 

Now, we can (and often do) chose to ignore those things...it is ever thus, isn't it?

 

But I think this sentiment applies here: "What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so." (Mark Twain)

 

I personally have stumbled before, and will continue to do so from time to time. Thankfully others were there to continue to hold me accountable when I no longer wanted to.

 

This is all I'm offering here.

 

Peace.

You'll note I spoke of acceptance of others actions, and not the impetus for my own. I own my own actions and am very content with my philosophy of life, even if it is at odds with our often brutal, barbaric existence.

 

I can see both sides of LsD's situation and have commented to him privately. My path may be different, but I can respect his as his truth. IMO, just as in my life, this is an example of his openness and honesty being jumped on by those who have suffered hurt and/or have an agenda. He's far more patient with you all than I'd ever be. That's part of why I respect him

[carhill]

Well, I'm very glad that I don't share your outlook or mindset. Its exactly this kind of view that enables and justifies people to feel free to do exactly what you've described and what LSD is contemplating.

 

I'm also glad that this view isn't shared by everyone...the world would be a far worse place than it is.

 

It may work this way for you...but luckily it doesn't work that way for everyone.

You're projecting again, Owl.

 

Nowhere in my posting did I say what I'd do or that I agree. I accept what others do to me and process it in a way that is healthy for me. You'll note I don't attack your methodology. That's significant. It's called acceptance

[Mustang Sally]

You'll note I spoke of acceptance of others actions, and not the impetus for my own. I own my own actions and am very content with my philosophy of life, even if it is at odds with our often brutal, barbaric existence.

 

I can see both sides of LsD's situation and have commented to him privately. My path may be different, but I can respect his as his truth. IMO, just as in my life, this is an example of his openness and honesty being jumped on by those who have suffered hurt and/or have an agenda. He's far more patient with you all than I'd ever be. That's part of why I respect him

Gotcha.

 

I'm just putting my OWN version of "The Truth" (vs. "My Truth") out there for consideration.

 

I respect your right to your view, and can agree to disagree with your and LsD's views and actions, if necessary.

[pelicanpreacher]

You'd be wrong. Other than my children, who have my new address (phone remained the same) the "Ex" receives no updates and wants none. She has her life, in which I have never interfered. I have my life, which she wouldn't want to interfere in... what's the point after 8 years?

 

She left because she wanted to be with her "soulmate"... they have been souling and mating ever since. There would be no point in her making me angry at this late date. We've got through it all long past without serious acrimony. She's not the ant nest kicking type. For my adult childrens sake I wish her well.

 

I was just wondering, especially from your description of how the marriage ended, whether she still held latent resentment against you. As long as she stays put and doesn't become the "monkey in your wrench" then there should be no-one out there (save MW's husband) that you'll have to contend with. I also agree with WWI in that you face an awkward situation remaining established in this new town once you've made your presence and intentions known. It will be interesting to see how this aspect of your drama plays out.

[Trialbyfire]

Disclaimer: I haven't read the entire thread.

 

Lakeside, your thread makes me sad. Considering what your ex-W has put you through, you're willing to do this to someone else for personal happiness.

 

Make certain this isn't a form of cycling, in that you've now put yourself in the perceived power seat of an affair triangle. You wouldn't be the first betrayed spouse to do this, nor the last.

[LakesideDream]

Disclaimer: I haven't read the entire thread.

 

Lakeside, your thread makes me sad. Considering what your ex-W has put you through, you're willing to do this to someone else for personal happiness.

 

Make certain this isn't a form of cycling, in that you've now put yourself in the perceived power seat of an affair triangle. You wouldn't be the first betrayed spouse to do this, nor the last.

 

 

Don't think I haven't spent hundreds of hours contemplating the quandry. A one point... I was a clear cut victim. I understood when this "affair" began that I was doing exactly the same thing to the MW's husband. I was so deeply hurt I didn't care (it was only a matter of days after my "D-day), I was in complete survival mode.

 

As time went on, and survival was no longer the imperitive, I realized that the situations were so similar as to be almost carbon copies of each other. The only solice I took was that I never had a bad thought, or placed any blame whatever on my ex's OM. Never. I understood exactly what attacted him to her. I could not blame him for acting on his heart.

 

Granted, the situations are different in detail. My OW does not have the same type of relationship, or situation overall. That really doesen't matter though. She will absolutely be betraying him if my quest succeeds. I can't muster any pain for him though, only concern. I wish him no ill whatsoever.

 

I will see this to the end, whatever that end is. I have to. I will not take an empty heart to my grave without knowing "what if"...

 

It's a hell of a note, and hypocritical (as I said in a long running thread I started 8 months ago.. mostly to "out" myself to my fellow posters). Many of you have walked in my shoes, as I have walked in yours. I'm not perfect, or even "complete", life is what it is, I will not apologise for my dreams.

[Trialbyfire]

The only person, IMO, that deserves an apology, is the betrayed spouse. Most definitely those on LS don't need or deserve an apology.

 

I'm going to say to you what I always say to OM/OW/CSs. This situation occurred because you allowed it to.

 

There's a lot tied into pride/ego/self-esteem if it occurred right after D-day. Before proceeding any further, please consider some intensive IC. I don't mean this facetiously. I did IC after D-day and found it truly a worthwhile experience. I'm considering going back for a tune-up.

[LakesideDream]

The only person, IMO, that deserves an apology, is the betrayed spouse. Most definitely those on LS don't need or deserve an apology.

 

I'm going to say to you what I always say to OM/OW/CSs. This situation occurred because you allowed it to.

 

There's a lot tied into pride/ego/self-esteem if it occurred right after D-day. Before proceeding any further, please consider some intensive IC. I don't mean this facetiously. I did IC after D-day and found it truly a worthwhile experience. I'm considering going back for a tune-up.

 

 

TBF I generally respect your opinion as a poster. In this case... not so much. IC or counseling of any kind is not applicable for me, in my situation.

 

I am not "conflicted", or otherwise emotionally uncertain. A counselor would be just somebody paid for listening to my story... there's nothing they could add. I've lived it for a very long time.

[Darth Vader]

She will absolutely be betraying him if my quest succeeds. I can't muster any pain for him though, only concern. I wish him no ill whatsoever.

 

And you'll be betraying him too, by enabling her to betray him.

 

You wish him no Ill will?

 

Funny, your actions speak LOUDER than your words! Sleeping with his wife, whether the marriage is good or not doesn't make a difference!

 

How are you concerned for her husband? How can you be? After all, You're the one helping to cause all of this!

 

I know you can't muster any pain for him, because you're not the one who's going (to be/has been) betrayed in this case.

 

Interesting, It looks to me like, since you've been betrayed yourself, you want to see if you can do the exact same thing to someone else that's been done to you. That's what I'm getting.

[Trialbyfire]

TBF I generally respect your opinion as a poster. In this case... not so much. IC or counseling of any kind is not applicable for me, in my situation.

 

I am not "conflicted", or otherwise emotionally uncertain. A counselor would be just somebody paid for listening to my story... there's nothing they could add. I've lived it for a very long time.

When I went to my IC, it wasn't for conflicted or uncertain emotions, it was for ice cold, white rage while in survivor mode. Trust me, there was nothing uncertain or conflicted about it, what-so-ever!

 

Physical violence or killing weren't acceptable options at any time for me, so at least that was off the table.

 

The IC and myself went through a lot of things, through historical information about both of us, our relationship, etc. You might be surprised what IC might dig up for you. It dug up some things of interest for me that hadn't occurred to me and were extremely useful to me.

 

Whether this continues to decrease your respect for my opinion/advice is moot to me. It's information and advice laid on the table for you to consider or ignore.