Author LakesideDream Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 While not in the mood to be combative, I suppose a reply is in order. This is a reality based world. I have lived in this world as an adult for 40+ years, it hasn't molded itself to my needs or desires. Seven years ago I was faced with the reality that my life, as I knew it up until then was over. I felt like the biggest loser in the world. I had the "good fortune" of having someone help me through that period. After a time I understood that my ex had decided she wasn't happy in out marriage and decided to make a change. She didn't include me in the decision, and I really didn't fight her over it either. It was "time". If it's "time" it's time. I spent 25 years married believing that if you worked hard, did your best, worked actively on your marriage, and family, and stayed faithful that I could be secure in my future. That was Bovine Scat wasn't it ?!? Finding happiness is fleeting at best. Looking for it is almost senseless. If it finds you, it's luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I'm a reasonably smart guy for the most part. But I really didn't get how your response answered or addressed my question. And I'm actually not intending to be combative. I just don't get how you rationalize/justify hurting someone else the same way that you were hurt. You expect that your OWH will come to the same realization that you did? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) I'm a reasonably smart guy for the most part. But I really didn't get how your response answered or addressed my question. And I'm actually not intending to be combative. I just don't get how you rationalize/justify hurting someone else the same way that you were hurt. You expect that your OWH will come to the same realization that you did? I didn't try to justify myself. I don't need to. As I purported it's a reality based world. This is not the same society it was 50 years ago when I was growing up. I leave the house today understanding that there is a good chance I will be screwed over by someone. People don't give a damn about other people today. Does that make it right? No. It is reality though. Society didn't miss a beat when my ex walked away.. realitives said "these things happen sometimes, long time friends the same, hell my kids even "understood" after awhile. There is no emperical "right or wrong" anymore. Anyone who acts like there is a "right or wrong" is kidding themselves. Living in a society of wolves, coyote's and jackels it doesen't pay to be a lamb. As I have said before on this thread and others. If I do end up in a relationship with my MW, I won't get pleasure from causing her current husband pain and anguish. Having been on the other side of the equasion I will undoubetly be able to relate to his emotions. Truthfully, my quest for happiness, and fullfillment is greater than my regret. And so it is society wide. Wake up and smell the sewer. Society at large makes the rules and laws. Marriage in general has so little value to society that you don't need a "reason " to end it in most places, where I currently live, it only takes 24 hours from filing to erase 25 years of marriage. Those are the rules folks, like it or not. Lest we forget the quote of the 90's..... "I did not have sex with that woman......." or is it, "That depends on what the definition of is, is". Examples of reality are everywhere. If you don't like it, join a monastary.. but remember to choose your denomination carefully. Edited February 18, 2008 by LakesideDream Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 OK...so doing what you're doing is ok because: People don't give a damn about other people today. Does that make it right? No. It is reality though. That's your reasoning. Do I have this wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 If you don't like it, join a monastary.. but remember to choose your denomination carefully. No need to join a monastary. Nor is there a need to change MY values to match those that I see on TV. I can't change society...I CAN, however, have the power to choose how I will live and how I interface with those around me. "Because everyone else is doing it" never worked as justification when we were kids...why does it work now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 No need to join a monastary. Nor is there a need to change MY values to match those that I see on TV. I can't change society...I CAN, however, have the power to choose how I will live and how I interface with those around me. "Because everyone else is doing it" never worked as justification when we were kids...why does it work now? Kudo's to you OWL. I felt like you do for a while. It got awful (and I mean awful) lonely. I hope you can remain as true to your values when you reach my age. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Kudo's to you OWL. I felt like you do for a while. It got awful (and I mean awful) lonely. I hope you can remain as true to your values when you reach my age. Values have nothing to do with age, only what's inside. It's said you let so much anger turn your values into to the "if you can't beat em, join mentality". Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 An affair is good (your ow) when it serves your benefit, and bad (your ex wife) when it is against your benefit? Link to post Share on other sites
Arch Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 lol so you gave up on all your values because you got screwed - now your out just to screw everyone else? Nice, Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) LakesideDream your situation is difficult. Are you healed from past? can you forgive your ex wife? did you sort out those past issues? maybe when you sort out those issues, and have forgiveness for your ex wife, and healed from past, achieve peace in your heart, then you would be able to make better decisions. your marriage failed doesn't make you are loser, ok, maybe you made some mistakes as well, but if you don't find out what those issue were, and ask God how to improve yourself, another woman maybe just another external thing that you seek to cover the real issue inside. just like you define yourself with your failed marriage, now you define youself with another woman's love. they are all external, and fragile, and easily lead to frustration. but there is always a real happiness and peace that come from God, God wants you to be happy, in His way; our way is not the best maybe moving is a good thing, maybe you will meet a new lady who are single Edited February 20, 2008 by Lovelybird Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 A minor update. I'm so busy packing, and preparing for the move, I haven't had any time at all to think about the "romantic" aspects of this move ! Just the excitement of a new place, and getting all the work done is keeping me busy 16 hours a day! Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I'm being nosy. At what point do you plan to tell her? I'm assuming after you are moved and settled. (?) I really need to go back and read your history! I knew about your wife, but wasn't aware of this lady and your history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Assuming I don't work myself sick (a possibility) I plan on leaving here March 29. Because of the way the deal went down I wasn't given any time to prepare properly for moving. I'm doing the best I can. I went through the situation on "infidelity" a couple of years ago, so look "way" back then. It's not something I hid. Heck, the "LakesideDream" kinda begs the question, which I answered. As to at what point I plan to tell, I have no idea, or plan. I would like to get settled, (really settled, no boxes, house better than "presentable", back at work successfully) before beginning to worry about it. This presumes of course that there won't be any "accidental" orrcurances like running into her at the furniture store. It could be months. The last five minutes typing has been the most I've thought about it in a week or so, I've been busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Still thinking, I want to add some more. This move is really unique for me. It's the first time in my life that I will be able to do something major on my own. The frame of reference is my home and surroundings. I have the oppertunity and means to do exactly what I want to. It's very liberating, and exciting. Two years after my divorce I moved out of the "fixer upper" I was left with and moved to where I currently lived. I transfered all the junk I had left into the new house and made due. Over the past 5 years I've picked up a piece of furniture here and there, and tried to be comfortable. I'm literally donating or throwing away 85% of that stuff. I want to do some weird things (for a guy). I want to choose new furniture that really suits me and the house. I need to buy a new fridge, and washer/dryer. I can afford the really good stuff, stuff I can really be proud of. Ditto with new living room furniture. I'm even gonna buy a flat screen and have it installed. My dining room is OK as I bought Ethan Allen 5 years ago and while I've hardly used it (kitchen table instead) I still like it. Bedrooms too. I want a real simple guest room, and an uncluttered Master Suite. All my technology is going into a "utility room" off the garage, and I will only use a laptop in the house proper (WiFi). I have that working now. All new linens too.. I'm really ready to make a break from everything that's come before (I'm 57) not a "swingin batchlor pad" rather a comfortable adult home, maybe a little younger than my age. I've even decided to hire in a once a week house cleaning service to keep it nice. I've quit smoking already (after 45 years) to keep from getting that mucky, brown nicotine all over everything. This is really exciting for me. If a shrink was talking they would say I was "nest building", typically a female behavior. That may even be true. Or it may be that I'm making a hobby out of the relocation. I'm spending a lot of time looking online at catalogs, and sourcing items. It's a small town so I will have to drive a long ways to see the stuff, and buy it if I like it. It's strange territory for me. When I'm done, Visa, Mastercard, and Discovery will love me. Hopefully I'll fall in love with the results. A real "almost off topic" addendum in a "OM/OW" thread eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Sounds exciting, some change are real good for the soul, I will pray Lakesidedream will meet a new woman around lake he loves more than ow Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Three weeks to go !! It's stopped being exciting and begun being scarey. The move not the romance. Quit smoking last weekend, I am absolutely not going to "smoke up" a new house. Those damn cigs put dirt dust and oils everywhere. While I'm packing I often just want to throw the damn stuff away. Also thinking about getting a gym membership when I'm settled in. This move is really hard on my old bones, and muscles, even the ajacent giblets. No better time than now for a complete life make over! Mumm has been the word on the personal front. May continue for quite awhile after I get there, especially if the gym produces some results. Can't have to many assets. Also having a kind of fun I've never had. Checking out Sears, Penney's, BBB, Furniture etc. online looking for things I'd like to have, and a "look" for the new home. In all my 57 years I've never done that stuff. For the last seven years I've lived on "left over stuff". I finally have the oppertunity and means to have things they way I want them. Question here... Isn't that "girlie stuff"? Why's an old Marine like me interested in bath towels, new linen, and furniture? Keep smiling! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Also having a kind of fun I've never had. Checking out Sears, Penney's, BBB, Furniture etc. online looking for things I'd like to have, and a "look" for the new home. In all my 57 years I've never done that stuff. For the last seven years I've lived on "left over stuff". I finally have the oppertunity and means to have things they way I want them. Question here... Isn't that "girlie stuff"? Why's an old Marine like me interested in bath towels, new linen, and furniture? I don't think it's "girlie" at all. In fact, it's kinda Hawt. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Not all that "girlie". A lot of times when my wife and I are shopping, I'll look at something and say "That's something I'd have if I were living by myself." She usually enjoys talking about how are tastes in things are similar and different at times. Nothing girlie about setting up things new and the way that YOU like them. I'm an ex-Army Sgt, and not all that girlie either. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 This is interesting - that you bought a house to be closer to MW, which I believe is Married Woman? I thought of that but I was sure OW turned Girlfriend would go ballistic - not discussing with her about it in the first place. It would have been a romantic surprise but I'm not going to take any chances on that! All the best to you, LakeSide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 This is interesting - that you bought a house to be closer to MW, which I believe is Married Woman? I thought of that but I was sure OW turned Girlfriend would go ballistic - not discussing with her about it in the first place. It would have been a romantic surprise but I'm not going to take any chances on that! All the best to you, LakeSide. Been seven years, I'm positive she's gonna go ballistic. I'm counting on the old adage, "what goes up must come down". Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I'm an ex-Army Sgt, and not all that girlie either. LOL! Sorry Owl, you blew the "tough guy" image on the other thread by "submitting", and your furry turquoise handcuffs have become part of the image now Sorry LSD for the t/j Back on topic - if it's a small place, how are you planning on keeping news of your arrival quiet? Won't everyone be buzzing with the news of the New Guy In Town? Or have you factored that in to your master scheme, that her curiosity over the NGIT lands her on your doorstep with a hot meal to welcome... oh, it's YOU!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Have you read The Great Gatsby, Lakeside? I don't think your situation will end that way (lets hope not) but it just hit me how many parallels there are. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 They are NOT turqoise!!! I prefer natural rabbit fur, it complements my skin tone nicely! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 They are NOT turqoise!!! I prefer natural rabbit fur, it complements my skin tone nicely! Your avatar suggested that the turquoise would be a better match - but then, it sounds like you've been hanging out in shopping malls lots more than me, and are FAR better qualified to accessorise to best effect. (I usually just opt for dayglo pink to match my eyes...) I'm not surprised OB finds guys shopping "hawt". I wish MM was more into it - I hate shopping and would love someone to take that off my hands, permanently! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Have you read The Great Gatsby, Lakeside? I don't think your situation will end that way (lets hope not) but it just hit me how many parallels there are. Not since High School. If I had the spare time I'd pick it up and re-read it. I'll try and remember to pick it up when I have time to spare. Town size. In a town of 50k it's easy to keep to yourself for at least awhile. I'll let you know though. Link to post Share on other sites
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