Owl Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 LD, I am curious...what are you HOPING the outcome of this to be? She learns that you're in town, dumps her H and family, and moves in with you? You've indicated she'll likely be livid when she finds out you moved there...what do you think her H's response is likely to be? What do you anticipate to happen from there? Honestly, I really am curious about your 'plan' behind all of this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 There is a ton of back story on this forum. Hopes? To live happily ever after of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Cagney Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Lakeside, Have you considered seeing a therapist and maybe running this past the doctor for some advice? Might get some helpful feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
Cagney Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Three weeks to go !! It's stopped being exciting and begun being scarey. The move not the romance. Quit smoking last weekend! what have you been smoking anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Quit smoking last weekend! Looks like you picked the wrong time to quit smoking...(Sorry, I had an Airplane moment) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 20, 2008 Author Share Posted March 20, 2008 Update. Less than two weeks until the move. 90% of the packing done already, all the little stuff done. I am hosting a dinner for some of my good friends here on Easter, the kitchen gets packed the next day. I'm really anxious to make the move. Almost 58 now, and the challenge of "one last adventure" has drawn me in. It feels like I'm 15 years younger. Throughout all of this, I have come to realize that I have been living "day to day" with nothing substantial to look forward to for over a decade, maybe two. Once the move is done, and the new home is decorated, and livable in a way I've never experianced before....... there's yet another adventure on the Horizon, the MW. What a rush. Link to post Share on other sites
Dominique Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 Good for you Lakeside... Aside from the Naysayers here, I say, Go for it. Life needs adventure--I think that after the age of 50, people should do what they want, quite frankly. If you feel younger and alive, that is great. You will get some scratches, bumps, bruises along the way, but as long as you keep in the sun while doing so, you will be fine. I would much rather live a life with a few exciting risks than a series of "stable" what ifs. That does NOT mean, being amoral or unethical. It means liviing life with passion and hope, which can be wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 That does NOT mean, being amoral or unethical. OK, I must be one of the naysayers here. From my perspective, moving to a whole new part of the country with a primary goal of winning a married woman away from her husband actually falls under both categories. Yes, its only PART of the reason for the move...but its a major part to be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 I can't help but to wonder what MW's reaction will be when she finds all of this out. I can't say in her place I'd be too excited about it. I guess it depends on how much she feels it threatens her status quo. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 I've been curious about that same thing, LB. LD has said that she's indicated to him that she'd not be happy with a major change in things...so I'm curious as to what her reaction to the news that he's now living in her hometown will be. I'm also hopeful that LD has a backup plan in case her reaction is extremely negative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 20, 2008 Author Share Posted March 20, 2008 It's a little more complicated than can be answered simply.To answer the "naysayers" will take a bit of effort, here goes. My "goal" for 7 years has been to move to her general area, and give her the oppertunity to make a choice that she hadn't been able or willing to make when we were far apart. This "goal" was primarily a "nebulous" one. I never actually believed that I would be able to achieve any part of that goal. This year, the collasping real estate market, combined with a disbanding of a limited real estate partnership that that brought with it both a large windfall profit that had to be spent on real estate to avoid a $50k tax liability made my "dream / goal" an actual possibility. There were enough funds available when combined with my savings to buy a house outright. No mortgage. I decided to go for it. Gone would be my old house (never a home) Also.. I get to keep the old house, giving it to a property manager to rent out, at a slight positive cash flow. Additionally I can rid myself of lifetime of crap I didn't want anymore, in its place would be a new house, that might become a home with lot's of new stuff, toys, furniture and appliances I chose etc. etc. in a brand new, and attractive setting, a resort community near a huge lake. As the work I do is totally portable, done largely online, changing locations won't have any long term financial down side. After searching for a new dwelling, and finding one I really like the project (goal / dream) literally took on a life of its own, a dynamic I didn't expect. The new dynamic was the fun, and excitment of actually doing it. Looking at catalogs, deciding what appliances I wanted, choosing a decor and design for the new living room and my bedroom, shopping for and ordering new furniture, even choosing and purchasing new linens, bed coverings, blah, blah, has been a blast! I haven't spent more than a waking hour or two of thought on the MW since the project took shape. There just hasn't been time. By itself the move is the right thing to do. I realized very early on in preperations for this move that at 57 years old I needed a new start. Living in the shadow of 25 wasted years has taken a grevious toll on my personality. I found that I have never "let go" of certain unpleasant facets of my past life. With literally a ton of baggage to carry around escape from "the old days" hasn't happened as I had hoped I would. The MW ? I love her deeply, and have in one way or another for 40+ years. Do I want to "win her" and live happily ever after, absolutely. Will I be dissapointed if my mere presence in her physical universe and my unique charm and sex appeal isn't enough to bring her to my universe? Again, absolutely. It won't be the end of my world, or anything close. I also know with certainly that we will always remain "friends" regardless of what happens. We have been friends as well as lovers for an eternity. That won't change because she may "get mad" at me for moving near her. She may be pissed for awhile, but she'll get over it. You can't hate someone for trying to love you. She may decide that I'm not the answer for her. If so, so be it. I've been her friend forever, and will continue to be forever. Right now the only way I could be happier would be if my old bones could be magically replaced by a 25 year olds bones so I could continue without the physical discomfort cause by packing et al. This is a very fun and exciting time for me, and will continue to be regardless of the romantic outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 You can't hate someone for trying to love you. Actually, you can. We've seen the same dynamic on this site many times where a MM/MW would end up hating the OM/OW for forcing their hand by doing exactly the kind of thing that you're doing here. Which is why I caution you to be aware of that possibilty. It seems to me, from what little I've gleaned from your posts, that its very possible that she's got this whole arrangement exactly where she wants it. She has complete control over the situation. She's maintained a distance between you (quite literally)...and has told you in the past that this is as it should be. Changing that dynamic could very well have the opposite effect of what you're working towards. But its clearly a risk you wish to take. I'll wish you good luck in your move. I hope you'll pardon me for NOT wishing you the same good luck in the rest of your endeavors. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 20, 2008 Author Share Posted March 20, 2008 No problems here. Maybe I should have said I don't believe she will hate me for loving her. Regardless, it is what it is. You can't win in love if you don't take risks. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted March 20, 2008 Share Posted March 20, 2008 Although I don't condone being involved with a married person (I was without my knowledge), I am so happy for you. This is the stuff of romantic novels. A man moving to be with the woman he loves...? Are you kidding me? This is what we women dream of! Regardless of the outcome of the relationship....I think what you are doing is an inspiration. I would love a man to do that for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Although I don't condone being involved with a married person (I was without my knowledge), I am so happy for you. This is the stuff of romantic novels. A man moving to be with the woman he loves...? Are you kidding me? This is what we women dream of! Regardless of the outcome of the relationship....I think what you are doing is an inspiration. I would love a man to do that for me... Music to my ears. I hope she feels exactly the same way you do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 For your sake, I hope she does. I just worry that she is going to freak out. From a distance is one thing, but moving close by, well, that might really scare her and make reality abit TOO much reality.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 For your sake, I hope she does. I just worry that she is going to freak out. From a distance is one thing, but moving close by, well, that might really scare her and make reality abit TOO much reality.. or remove the comfort zone that she has counted on for so long.. Without the comfort zone it might never had lasted this long..and without the comfort zone all might very well fall apart quickly... I too wish you luck LD.. I also don't condone cheating but applaud your "lay it all on the line for love" attitude.. ( I'm bit like you in that respect ) as long as you can handle the outcome.. whatever it will be.. then you are doing the right thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 For your sake, I hope she does. I just worry that she is going to freak out. From a distance is one thing, but moving close by, well, that might really scare her and make reality abit TOO much reality.. Think you're probably right - this may take her WELL out of her established "comfort zone" - it would freak me out for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2008 Author Share Posted March 25, 2008 Just 4 more days of packing, then load the truck and hit the Highway! Not a moment to soon either. I'm just about worn completely out, and I'm sure my two helpers are in worse shape. I ready to start relaxing and putting together my new digs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Well, more like eight days, after numerous delays. The helper and I are leaving in the morning on the long drive. I can't wait to get this junk unloaded into the new pad. Good news is that Sears is offering 15% off and free interest for a year on new appliances. I had already decided to treat myself to a new front load washer and dryer, and a big two door fridge.. with the water filter, ice and the works. I'll be easier now. Link to post Share on other sites
mistresswchildren Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I wish you the best of luck. No matter what happens, you made your choices. You are a very decisive person. You have a drive that is rare in a lot of people. No matter what the outcome, I am sure that you will find a way to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Well, more like eight days, after numerous delays. The helper and I are leaving in the morning on the long drive. I can't wait to get this junk unloaded into the new pad. Good news is that Sears is offering 15% off and free interest for a year on new appliances. I had already decided to treat myself to a new front load washer and dryer, and a big two door fridge.. with the water filter, ice and the works. I'll be easier now. Are you still communicating with this MW through phone or internet on a regular basis? If she ask you what you're up to, would you just lie to her about your busy with the moving to surprise her at the end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LakesideDream Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Are you still communicating with this MW through phone or internet on a regular basis? If she ask you what you're up to, would you just lie to her about your busy with the moving to surprise her at the end? It won't be likely to happen. The subject of moving/living there generally doesen't come up unless I bring it up. There have been exceptions but infrequently. To answer you question directly though, I'm sure I would "fib" to keep the suprise alive. It's not like I'm not comitted to the move. There is absolutely no way I could back out now if I wanted to. My current home is already rented, and the new home is paid for and sitting empty. I want to have a "together" home before I spill the beans, and that will take a lot of time and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Here's one idea...shortly before you're ready, call her and say you're in town in such and such a timeframe and would like to take her to dinner. And then take her to dinner at your new house. You have to minimize any negative freak out factor, and a slow dawning of what's going on might allow it to be more light and exciting, and give her a precious few minutes to begin to form her thoughts without being forced immediately into some kind of indelible reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2008 Share Posted April 4, 2008 I suppose your LS "location" is in need of a change once again. I have never come here to make judgment on another's situation. Each life is unique and it isn't for me to question. I can't imagine doing what you are doing, but I can imagine a love that spans decades, even if I haven't had the experience myself. Setting up a new pad, with all the bells and whistles you've never had, THAT I am in the process of doing myself. I'm still my frugal self in many ways, but I want the things I've lived without for my entire adult life (I'm 43.) I now have a dishwasher (my first) and ice and water on the fridge door. I'd love one of those cool looking front loading washers, but I can wait for mine to crap out, first. I'm tired of particle board furniture and am working on replacing pieces one by one, month by month. I'm whittling away at the hand-me down furniture in the kids rooms, too, but not in as big a hurry. They are kids, after all. One is 18 and she can take it all with her when she leaves if she desires. I'm enough of the romantic to wish you everything you desire, while being enough of the realist to be cautious on your behalf. I do hope things go the way you want them to. Thank you for sharing your odyssey. I am enjoying it thus far. I know you are man enough to share the rest, regardless of the outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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