He cheated, now what?

[mat56]

I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend cheated on me. The only reason I found out was because I did some wrong doing of my own and invaded his privacy. I read his text messages. Curiosity got the better of me and I shouldnt have, but what I found out was unexpected. I read one of his texts saying " Its ok she thinks the scratches are from her". I obviously confronted him. He said that they didnt have sex and that they almost did but pretty much just made out. The girl in question was his ex gfs friend, someone I also found out he had a threesome with. He said the usual " I didnt want to hurt you", "Im sorry", and he even seemed to be crying. How do I even know he is sincere. I also found texts where he was flirting with another girl who asked him " so why did you ask Ang(a friend) to find you a gf"," Do you want a serious relationship", and "are you coming to my place this weekend". He claims to have never met her and was just messing with her head, that he never was going to pursue her. How do I trust him? Should I even believe him? Can I even make it work anymore? Besides all this I would say we have the perfect relationship. People have said we have the perfect relationship! We never fight, we get along perfect. He treats me better then anyone ever has. And then this. Im a believer in second chances so I dont want to just end it. But how do I make him know this isnt ok, that if it ever happens again, its over. I love him very much but I dont want to be blinded by that. Help!

[Pikaia]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

 

You let him know by telling him. If you truly believe you can give him a second chance and that the trust can be built back- I'd say go for it. Forgiving someone that has cheated is never easy, but if you can believe he is truly sorry and give him that trust back- it can work. If he cares about the relationship, he will realize his mistake and never do it again.

 

I guess it depends on your philosophy. Some people believe, "Once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't believe that. I do know people can change, only if they want it.

Edited February 12, 2008 by Pikaia
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[oppath]

Absolutely he is cheating and intends to pursue these women.

 

Also, what kind of cop out is "I was just ****ing with her head." Do you want to be with a man who ****s with women's heads? It sounds like he is ****ing with your head.

 

This warrants a breakup.

[starlite]

Well, he cheated, he lied, and he apparently has fun pretending to be single and messing with other girls heads....what makes you think he isnt messing with yours?

 

Sounds like a huge jerk to me and I would 100% say dump him and find someone more deserving of you.

[mental_traveller]

I think you should dump him, it's pretty clear. If it was just one slip-up, like a flirtatious text when he was drunk, with no followups the next day, then you can talk it over and maybe continue. But you are looking at multiple flirtations with different women, and an *actual* physical encounter with this other girl. That means he had sex with her. Which means he probably had sex with others.

 

Leave this cheating liar. All his excuses are just BS to try to trick you into staying and to cover his sorry ass. You may think your relationship is perfect, but obviously he is not happy, otherwise why would he screw around elsewhere? Sorry but you have been grossly deceived - your entire view of the relationship is wrong.

 

Leave now or you will just suffer more heartache and cheating from this guy.

[norajane]

Well, he cheated, he lied, and he apparently has fun pretending to be single and messing with other girls heads....what makes you think he isnt messing with yours?

 

Sounds like a huge jerk to me and I would 100% say dump him and find someone more deserving of you.

 

I agree with this completely. Walk away now, before he brings some lovely STD home along with his sex scratches.

[SueBee3490]

I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend cheated on me. I also found texts where he was flirting with another girl who asked him " so why did you ask Ang(a friend) to find you a gf",

 

Sounds like he is acting like you don't exist. This is what hurt me in my relationship is finding out that to my bf, I didn't even exist. His family existed, his work existed, his 2 kids existed, his job existed, etc., etc, but I was the only "thing" in his life that he conveniently forgot existed. Take it from me, I've been where you are and I think you should dump him.

 

I love him very much but I dont want to be blinded by that. Help!

 

You also made a comment about him "messing with this girl's head" and that he never met her. I wouldn't be so sure. I, like you, wanted so much to believe my bf when he told me he had only met this one other woman 1 time and they just had breakfast or lunch, that's it. I so wanted to believe him that that is all there was. I was very much blinded by love. We had been dating 1 1/2 yrs by this time and come to find out they met more than once, had sex more than once, and even had sex at his place (the same bed I had been in) yuck!

 

I know it's hard because you love him, but don't end up like me - married to the guy and miserable.

[twice_shy]

I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend cheated on me.

 

Your question was, "now what?".

 

dump him. Thats what. Let him be someone elses problem.

[soconfused01]

If you had the 'perfect' relationship I don't think you would have been compelled to check his text messages.

This is the person that treats you better than anyone else? Get new friends! Then eventually get a new boyfriend, one that won't cheat because they are out there!