What happened? What next?

[dallascitichic]

My boyfriend and I fell in love and moved very fast but he set the pace for our relationship. He told me he was in love with me on New Years and gave me a promise ring. A week ago he took me to a wine bar and proposed to me with his whole family in on the ordeal. The very next morning, he started picking me apart, picked a fight and took his ring back. The next day, he gave me the ring back and said how sorry he was but he had just gotten scared and was fine. The next week he kept putting off getting my ring sized and I finally pushed the issue on Friday (we were supposed to be meeting with a florist as HE had wanted to be married in April because he knew my lease was up and did not want to wait another six months to a year. He said he felt like we were moving too fast and could not enjoy being engaged because we would be swamped trying to plan a wedding while I am trying to work, take care of my son ad go to school. I overreacted and got very upset and the next morning apologized and asked when he wanted to move the wedding date back to. He now says he wants to just be boyfriend /girlfriend again. He says he still loves me and wants to get married and have children but not yet. He asks that I just give him time.

 

What makes this so hard is he wants to still be together every day and basically wants everything to be the same but is so scared of having us be "engaged". He even jokes all the time that he wants to get me pregnant because it would be easier for him not to have to make the decision. I am so resentful that he called the engagement off completely rather than just push back the date and it also leaves me in complete limbo because I have no idea what to do about my lease as it jumps up significantly if I go month-to-month. If he still feels the same way and wants the same things, why is it so scary for him to have a ring on my finger rather than just be engaged longer? He was so excited that he took me looking at rings twice and wanted to get married as soon as I could plan a wedding and now he has done a 180. It is really hard for me not to bring it up or make snotty comments because I am so hurt and angry. Why did he change his mind so suddenly and why does being engaged scare him so much when he was so in love and wanted to do this a week ago. Now, when I push the issue he feels further away and like he wants it less and less the more he knows I want him to change his mind. Where do I go from here and how do I get over the resentment and act like the engagement never happened but still move forward and be affectionate. How do you be together but move backwards? I find myself wanting to punish him and show him I can be happy without him or that he could lose me but I know that is not healthy. Im lost and confused. Valentines day was supposed to be our big date night and I know I will be sad if we are not together but I will be sad thinking about the future we should be having and where we are now. I think things would have been great if he could just get over his fear but he thinks he did the right thing..