I joined the club today!

[Lucifers Rising]

Hey all,

 

I'm 33 and maybe I just need to get this off my chest. If no one responds that's ok. And if some one does that's great too.

 

First off, when I was younger I was cheated on and then later I've done the cheating, once. So I'm past the "what goes around, comes around".

 

My girlfriend says she loves me and I'm not some bleeding heart, I usually don't believe that stuff but probably for the first time in my life I believe her.

 

Anyway my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years, she's 27 and me recently had a fight. We fight almost every week and we break up almost every week. Some may comment well who cares then. Thanks, but that's not helping me, I know we are both part of the problem and we definitely have a communication issue and if we could communicate I'm certain we wouldn't have any abnormal problems.

 

We broke up on Friday last week and my girlfriend always talks like it's final but it never is.

 

I am nine times out of ten the one who calls her. Well I waited until Wednesday to call. She came over and we went out. She left a 10pm and said she'll call me when she get's home. She was cold and sort of stand offish. Strange. We'll she didn't call, but that's ok, she's tired and has to work tommorow, no biggie.

 

Well, then I get a text a midnight saying I"ll call you soon.

 

WHAT???

 

Somethings up, and I'm old enough been there done that from both sides and seen others go throught it. It hits me like a ton of bricks, HARD!

 

I text her back and tell her in detail that I know what's up. I don't know how I know, I just know.

 

Well she get's home and calls and comes clean.

 

Turns out the next day, Saturday, she's out with the girls. Meet's this guy, a little fooling around not much else. Well Sunday they call each other up and kick it for real. Monday chat, Tuesday nothing.

 

Which brings us up to today. So I"m out with her and she feels funny and keeps getting these text messages and lies to me about who there from. We didn't do anything sexual today but she doesn't want to come in and leaves at 10pm. turns out she goes over to meet this same guy at the same pub she met him at and he's the guy who's been texting. They end up kicking it again. Then she calls me and here we are.

 

Here's my problem: if she would have done it with me tonight and then done it with him, she'd be gone. I'll do that. But technically we were broken up. I do play a role in this. I'm not the best boyfriend. I put work, etc. ahead of a lot of things, including her. And I know she doesn't feel loved, deired, sexy, etc. That's my short coming.

 

Can I let this one slide because we were technically broken up or what do you guys think?

[Ronni_W]

Well, it's up to you if you choose to "let it slide" or not. If you do decide to let it go, then hopefully that'll be a permanent decision and you won't throw it back at her at some future point in your relationship.

 

For me, the bigger message is that she's actively pursuing other dating options. Perhaps she is getting that much closer to her "final" being really final -- I don't know but perhaps it is something that needs to be considered?

[Cobra_X30]

Here's my problem: if she would have done it with me tonight and then done it with him, she'd be gone. I'll do that. But technically we were broken up. I do play a role in this. I'm not the best boyfriend. I put work, etc. ahead of a lot of things, including her. And I know she doesn't feel loved, deired, sexy, etc. That's my short coming.

 

Can I let this one slide because we were technically broken up or what do you guys think?

 

Well, if you want her to do it again, then feel free to let it slide.

 

Honest, if you can't fix your communication issues, it isn't worth working for anyways.