soundfire Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Hello, I am very upset right now and I'd love some input on this. My husband and I married in Jan at a local court without each other's family being present. The reason being that we found out that I was pregnant and decided it was the best to get things legalized before the baby comes. We had been planning on getting married but timing was not right before this happened. He's told his family that he intended to get married to me but they all felt that he is not ready for the next step. He is 25 and has dropped out of school and has no job. He is currently living with his father and I live by myself in another State. He told everyone that he would move to be with me later in my pregnancy and he is planning on telling them about the marriage after he moves out. However, I am very upset because I am pregnant with his baby and that we are legally married and I have to keep a secret this big from his family. I feel unaccepted and feel unfair that he can't step up and do the right thing. He claims that it is all up to me when he will tell them. He said the reason he doesn't want to tell them now is that I haven't tried to talk to any of them, and they don't even know me. Unless I talk to them first he will not tell them about us! Do I have a reason to be upset about this? What do you guys think that I should do? Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Sounds as if he is afraid to take responsibility and face the consequences of his adult decision to get married. Whatever his concerns and fears are (their disapproval or criticizing or disowning or whatever), he needs to work through them and start developing grown-up relationships with his family. His "reason" for not telling them is just BS! It is an excuse, and a very juvenile one at that. Don't let him put that on you because it does not belong to you. If possible, please do try to see that this is about the dynamics between himself and his family members -- where they are still acting out Child-Parent roles. It is their maladaptive way of relating to each other, and probably not any indication of how he feels about you or your future together. He is married now, and does need to grow up and take your feelings, needs and wants into account even when doing that will upset his family in whatever way he is afraid of. He can't remain afraid of their reactions to every decision he is going to make that might displease them. I guess you could try to find some kind and loving words to tell him this, and even help him grow into full maturity...but I would be rather upset myself, at his immature behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) Edited now that you said his family WASN'T present (I thought you said they were) doh!! And yeah....if he's old enough to get married and have a child, I think he's old enough now to tell his family what he's done. Time to pull up his big boy panties. What is he afraid of - he'll get grounded or something?? My teen girls have more guts than that. Edited February 15, 2008 by HisLove Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts