Alone on Valentines Day

[Daisylady]

I have been separated from my husband for five months now following a year long attempt to save our marriage. I left him and moved to Colorado with our two young children and he stayed in Virginia. As a nice gesture I offered to fly out with our children so he could see his kids. His response was far from what I was expecting. He said that he did not want to pretend that we are a happy little family. I was not attempting to pretend to be a “happy little family” I just thought that he would like to see his kids. The most confusing part about the whole thing is that he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. So you can see my confusion when I offered to fly out there.

I am not going to fly out there now and it might be a good thing. I am very lonely right now and do not want to do anything to make things even more complicated.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I have been separated from my husband for five months now following a year long attempt to save our marriage. I left him and moved to Colorado with our two young children and he stayed in Virginia. As a nice gesture I offered to fly out with our children so he could see his kids. His response was far from what I was expecting. He said that he did not want to pretend that we are a happy little family. I was not attempting to pretend to be a “happy little family” I just thought that he would like to see his kids. The most confusing part about the whole thing is that he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. So you can see my confusion when I offered to fly out there.

I am not going to fly out there now and it might be a good thing. I am very lonely right now and do not want to do anything to make things even more complicated.

 

 

Leaving a man hurts. You cannot work on the marriage you both of you so far apart. If you are the walk-away wife. Why should he try to rebuild the marriage?

 

Why didnt you just send the kids out to see him, without you!?

 

There are more details to your story your leaving out, Why did you move so far away and why did you take the children, did you think about how they would feel being so far from their father? Did you think about he would feel , being so far from his kids?

 

What gave you right to take them outta the state?

[Gunny376]

First less square what St. Valenitne's day is? I've forgotten the Emporers names was Clemintine the Second or such ~ I'm not going to hit Worldbooks encylopdia to find out? Anyway?

 

St. Valentine was marrying people ~ while the Emporer was trying to recruit an army for Rome? This p*** him off so he had him ( Saint Valentine) excuted by crucifiction I believe and as I re-call?

 

Short end of it?

 

Its a BS holiday! That people get all worked up over for no reason!

[cicada]

I have been separated from my husband for five months now following a year long attempt to save our marriage. I left him and moved to Colorado with our two young children and he stayed in Virginia. As a nice gesture I offered to fly out with our children so he could see his kids. His response was far from what I was expecting. He said that he did not want to pretend that we are a happy little family. I was not attempting to pretend to be a “happy little family” I just thought that he would like to see his kids. The most confusing part about the whole thing is that he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. So you can see my confusion when I offered to fly out there.

I am not going to fly out there now and it might be a good thing. I am very lonely right now and do not want to do anything to make things even more complicated.

... all I can say is..Wow.. I am in the same boat. my H and I decided to seperate the day before yesterday after Me trying to save our marriage for the past year. i have two kids but one of mine is a teen while the other is a kindergardner. i know how you feel . My friend gave me some advice i try to remember , dont think about things you could do for him that are out of your way or out of kindness.you got to just focus on you and the kids only . as you see these guys dont appreciate anything and they will add insult to injury by saying something hurtfull. you did a good thing, but no more favors for him would be good. what a jerk he is.

[onmyownagain]

I think moving so far away from him was really cruel. If my stbxw did that to me I would go for full custody.

[cicada]

oh , sorry i guess cause my current situation i asumed that he left you . sorry . but all i can say is at least you tried. why did you leave him ?

[dgiirl]

I have been separated from my husband for five months now following a year long attempt to save our marriage. I left him and moved to Colorado with our two young children and he stayed in Virginia. As a nice gesture I offered to fly out with our children so he could see his kids. His response was far from what I was expecting. He said that he did not want to pretend that we are a happy little family. I was not attempting to pretend to be a “happy little family” I just thought that he would like to see his kids. The most confusing part about the whole thing is that he still tells me that he loves me and misses me. So you can see my confusion when I offered to fly out there.

I am not going to fly out there now and it might be a good thing. I am very lonely right now and do not want to do anything to make things even more complicated.

 

I'm not really sure what kind of advice I can offer. It might not be fair, but being the leaver, you're bound to not get much sympathy. Not to sound cruel, but I think you feeling lonely is a good thing. As long as you do not act on those feelings, the loneliness can be a good teacher. It can show you all the things that you need in life, what you want in life, and will hopefully give you a brand new appreciation for the people currently in your life. It's kind of like doing your time in jail, and if you can do it well, then you will be set free for a better future.

 

As for your husband's reactions, try to see it from his pov. Not trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed for your choices, but from his side, his wife left him 5 months ago taking his two young children across states. So not only has he lost his wife, but also the precious time he has with his young children. No one's young forever, and he'll be missing out on a lot of things. Here you come and offer him a "favor" of bringing his two kids to see him. I can see him being resentful. You are offering him a favor of something he use to have freely before you took away and you now are expecting appreciation for it.

 

I'm not exactly sure why you are so confused that he can say that he loves and misses you, and at the same time reject your offer of visitation. He loves you, and he misses you, and here you offer to see him when it suits your needs. Would you have made the offer if you were not feeling so lonely? Perhaps your husband feels used? The words he spoke sound like a man who is resentful. If you can reflect on what's happening in _his_ life, I'm sure you can empathize why he would be feeling resentful. It doesnt matter who is right or wrong, nor whether your actions are intentional or not, this is how he's feeling. Once you are able to recognize someone's feelings, and why they are feeling that way, you can distance yourself from taking it personally and use that knowledge to help amend relationships. Which in your case you will need to improve your relationship with your husband as co-parents for the sake of the kids.