tinydancer Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 I am 21 and I currently live with my boyfriend of 2 years. Lately, we have basically stopped having sex. He doesn't seem to ever want it. I have tried EVERYTHING to turn him on, to get him in the mood, etc... but nothing has worked. I get it more from my vibrator than I do from him. We've discussed this problem many times and he always responds with the same excuse... "I don't know what's wrong, I'm just not in the mood." On top of that, whenever there is even the slightest of disagreements, he turns it into my fault. It always comes back to something that I did in the past, whether it be a week, a month, or a year ago. It's like he has this little notebook where he writes down everything I ever did wrong or anything that he ever did for me so that he can throw it in my face the second an argument arises. I love him very much, which is basically the reason that I haven't ended this relationship already. I just feel like I am at my wit's end and I don't know what else to do to save this relationship. PLEASE HELP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 YOU WRITE: "It's like he has this little notebook where he writes down everything I ever did wrong or anything that he ever did for me so that he can throw it in my face the second an argument arises." WOW!!! And all this time I thought only females did that!!! In my opinion, the relationship is pretty much over. He's giving you every sign of wanting to move on. You might try sitting him down and talking to him and see where that takes you. Love is all about timing. I just think he's wanting out of the relationship and it has nothing to do with you at all. It's mostly got to do with him not being ready. I also sense there's a lot of fear on his part associated with this relationship...fear of getting too close, fear of abandonment (so he takes the pre-emptive strike, fear of loss of freedom, fear of responsibility...it could be any one of dozens of things and he's not likely to talk about it. He may not even realize it himself. When there's one of those underlying psychological blocks from childhood that prevents a person from taking a relationship on to the next level, there's not much you can do...and all the talking in the world will get you nowhere. But by all means do talk to him before you decide to split. I'm really afraid that may be your only alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 [color=violet][font=arial]Another side to this might be that he is unhappy with his life. More often than not when men who love their partners behave in this way it is because they are depressed. Most men’s libido dies when they are depressed and most of the time they blame their partner for their lives being CRAP! Look at him as a friend not a lover at the moment and try to understand him and where he is at. Then you will understand whether he needs help OR as Tony says, whether the relationship is over. Good Luck! ~PurpleAngel~ [/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 "Look at him as a friend not a lover at the moment and try to understand him and where he is at. Then you will understand whether he needs help OR as Tony says, whether the relationship is over" I totally agree, take a step back and be his friend, see what's going on in his life, any reasons it might be happening-you'll be able to make a better decision. Link to post Share on other sites
gooner Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 I was in sort of the same type of situation as your boyfriend is... i was with a girl in my late teens for over a year, in our case... the relationship had come to a head... we didn't sleep together anymore, however this was really strange as we still had very strong feelings for each other.. Sit him down, ask him, if he's okay? what's happening? say things like, do you think our relationship has changed a little? we don't seem to be doing things like we used to...... Sometimes even when a realtionship is nearing it's end it's very difficult to see from both parties points of view... by the way, she ended up dumping me and although things had been sour between us for a long time, i was devastated!! strange huh... just my two pence worth. Link to post Share on other sites
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