wing81 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I have recently met a new girl at work and we have been hanging out together. We are both fairly new to the area and the only single people in our office. She is generally very friendly with everyone but seems to pay more attention to me. In groups she includes other people but when its just the two of us we flirt constantly. I am having problems reading her actions, she told a co-worker she didn't want things to happen between us because she recently got our of a relationship. Her body language around me appears to be saying something completely different, many co-workers think we are already dating. I was curious if anybody had suggestions on signs that would help me determine her intentions and how I might best proceed Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think you should just ask her directly, but if you are like me and shy then it's probably wise to let nature take its course. If she just gotten out of a relationship, then I would advice you to be cautious, you could be her rebound and who knows perhaps you are, but maybe when she has gotten over her former partner than you two will have a chance. My last bit of advice would be to keep your options, there could be another woman out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 The very fact that she mentioned that to someone in the office means that she likes you enough that she's been thinking it over. I'd say that means you're probably in. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 The very fact that she mentioned that to someone in the office means that she likes you enough that she's been thinking it over. I'd say that means you're probably in. You're missing the part where she told a co-worker that she didn't want a relationship with him at the moment. I, too believe he stands a very good chance, but the question is - is he prepared to wait around for a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 You're missing the part where she told a co-worker that she didn't want a relationship with him at the moment. I, too believe he stands a very good chance, but the question is - is he prepared to wait around for a while? How long should he wait? Long enough for her to start dating someone else a week later and lump him into the friend zone? No... What people say and what they feel are very different things, and right now she's attracted and interested. If he waits I think it's more likely that she'll lose interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wing81 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 Thanks for the help so far. Glad to hear other people have some different insight. These are the same questions I have been asking myself. I think she is having conflicting thoughts as well. I don't mind waiting, she has been a great friend so far but I am curiuos where it could lead. If anyone else has been in a similar situation I would like to hear how the situation was handled. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think the conflict thoughts might dissipate if you take her out for an amazing evening, kiss her, and leave her starry-eyed for the rest of the week. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 How long should he wait? Long enough for her to start dating someone else a week later and lump him into the friend zone? No... What people say and what they feel are very different things, and right now she's attracted and interested. If he waits I think it's more likely that she'll lose interest. You're clearly more experienced in the field of starting relationships, but I guess he should wait if she feels she is not ready, I mean she obviously likes him, but she might want to wait a bit before she starts a fresh. Of course you are probably right, and what people say and want are two different things, and you could be right, so I reckon he has nothing to lose by pursuing her now. He should follow his heart and his head and strike a balance though. Thanks for the help so far. Glad to hear other people have some different insight. These are the same questions I have been asking myself. I think she is having conflicting thoughts as well. I don't mind waiting, she has been a great friend so far but I am curiuos where it could lead. If anyone else has been in a similar situation I would like to hear how the situation was handled. If you are curious than don't be cautious, go on the offensive and I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 You will hate yourself for the rest of your life if you sit around and try to play it safe until two weeks later when she comes in beaming and tells you how "I MET SOMEONE LAST NIGHT!! :D" Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 You will hate yourself for the rest of your life if you sit around and try to play it safe until two weeks later when she comes in beaming and tells you how "I MET SOMEONE LAST NIGHT!! :D" I can see this happening to me if I don't get my rear end in four gear and push on. Is it contradictory of me to change my stance? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I can see this happening to me if I don't get my rear end in four gear and push on. Is it contradictory of me to change my stance? lol, not at all. I've tried it the other way too many times and it doesn't pan out so well. Better to regret things you have done than things you haven't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wing81 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 Yeah, I need to stop being so shy and do something. I owe her dinner for helping me out last week so maybe that will be a start. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 lol, not at all. I've tried it the other way too many times and it doesn't pan out so well. Better to regret things you have done than things you haven't. I've tried it a few times and it is a failed method for me, so it's time I made the changes I need to get this girl who I desire. Yeah, I need to stop being so shy and do something. I owe her dinner for helping me out last week so maybe that will be a start. It's not easy to stop being something you are, but we can all change and I'm sure once you are with the girl of whom you desire, than your confidence will grow and the shyness will dissolve, at least that's what I've been told. You have a great setting to seal the deal, a nice meal accompanied by a good, hearty conversation is something I'd kill for now (not literally, of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You want different results? Try different methods. Link to post Share on other sites
solo_flyer Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I was in the same situation and ended up majorly embarassing myself because it turned out she had a boyfriend! I still don't understand it all ... Link to post Share on other sites
Hoffle Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I was in the same situation and ended up majorly embarassing myself because it turned out she had a boyfriend! I still don't understand it all ... Wow someone else is in my shoes, I thankfully found out from a different source other than from her mouth, so now I'll just ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Uncertain123 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Okay, I'm not sure how old you guys are, but definitely don't put ANY stock in what she told the coworker. Some people (like myself) really hate gossip and nosey questions from loose acquaintances. Your girl might have ended up in a conversation where the coworker was giving her a third degree, and maybe she said she wasn't interested just to end the conversation. Or maybe she initiated the conversation because she senses that people have been gossiping and speculating. I recently did the very same thing with the guy I'm crushing on.......everyone was talking about us at his place of business, and I didn't feel comfortable with that because in my experience, rumor mills can destroy budding relationships before they even take off.......so I told somebody that we were just friends and that I'm personally not looking to date right now. I would hope this didn't get back to him, but if it did, I guess I would hope he understood my intentions. I was just trying to give us a bit of a protective bubble so that things could continue to develop naturally. THat might be what your girl was trying to do as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wing81 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Thanks for the input Uncertain. Seems to make sense and hopefully that is the case. I will let things play out and see what happens. If you have any other advice on the situation I would appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Okay, I'm not sure how old you guys are, but definitely don't put ANY stock in what she told the coworker. Some people (like myself) really hate gossip and nosey questions from loose acquaintances. Your girl might have ended up in a conversation where the coworker was giving her a third degree, and maybe she said she wasn't interested just to end the conversation. Or maybe she initiated the conversation because she senses that people have been gossiping and speculating. I recently did the very same thing with the guy I'm crushing on.......everyone was talking about us at his place of business, and I didn't feel comfortable with that because in my experience, rumor mills can destroy budding relationships before they even take off.......so I told somebody that we were just friends and that I'm personally not looking to date right now. I would hope this didn't get back to him, but if it did, I guess I would hope he understood my intentions. I was just trying to give us a bit of a protective bubble so that things could continue to develop naturally. THat might be what your girl was trying to do as well. If the guy you like hears this he will not make a move on you. It's up to you now, girlie. Link to post Share on other sites
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