In a bit of a pickle

[Hoffle]

I recently met a girl at my work who I have developed a fondness towards. We have spoken several times and the discussions have just been standard conversations, we have found out some likes and dislikes. Well a few weeks ago, we spent the day together working and she kept on smiling at me and occasionally chuckling when she looked at me. I didn't think anything of it at the time, and then on our break which was roughly the same time and she came and sat down on the same table as me, I presume she sat there for no other reason than I was of the same age category and there was hardly anyone in the room at the time. At the end of the day I summoned to another area and forgot to say bye to her, which I thought was very rude of me.

 

Well a few weeks pass (we don't work on the same days) and she sat down on the table with me again, I presume she did this because the room was crowded with older workers. We had a nice chat and found some more out about each other and I felt pleased. Then the next day, we make eye contact on a few occasions and she just walks past and doesn't smile, or say "hello", and I found it very percuilar.

 

I plan to ask for contact details, but I am very shy, and very coy and asking her for these details will take a lot of courage, but what I want to know is 'am I reading too much into the situation of her completely ignoring me?". She hasn't shown any blatant signs of having a fondness for me either. However I really want to push ahead and try and forge a relationship with her which exceeds the realms of mere friendship. I just don't want to have to fight my shyness, 'low' self-esteem so that I get rejected, or humiliated,

 

Hoffle.

Edited February 16, 2008 by Hoffle

[LikesMeNot]

Good for you! You have already learned how to do part 1 in a relationship. Keep talking hen you can, as much as you can. Relax around her but send her some subtle signs of your intentions. Get to the point when she thinks of you as slightly below friend status, because friendship is like a black hole in relationships. Then, you really want to turn up the flirting, and send more signs, which can be less and less subtle as you go on. By then, if you're as shy as me, you will have the confidence to ask her out. Do it! I'd say you have a 90:10 chance of success, since she likes you to some respect. You're going into a dark tunnel, keep your hope and passion burning, and you'll find your way out.

LikesMeNot, Feb.16, 2008

[Random Username]

Do you think you aren't showing enuf interest? Anyway that's cool she still came up to you after you didn't say bye. Means she's a keeper!! Start flirtin w/ her. I gotta take my own advice cause I sorta got the same situation goin on too!!

Edited February 16, 2008 by Random Username

[Hoffle]

Hi, there, LikesMeNot - Thank you for your reply, it's helped me greatly, it's most appreciated.

 

I plan to keep on talking to her whenever I can and for as long as I can, and I'm starting to feel more comfortable around her, unfortunately it takes a while for me to warm to people. Subtle, I'm not familar with such a concept, but I shall try, I think the major step for me is getting her contact details and then I can advance to the next level, if you will.

 

And I know full well about forging friendships with a few girls I have liked in the past, I have finally figured out that sitting around 'letting nature take its course' doesn't work, and if I want to see change, then I have to change it myself. Turn things up another notch? I'll try that, I don't think I've flirted with her at all and I'll be truthful, I'm a novice in this field, so I might have flirted with her without realising.

 

She likes me? Even if a little bit, even though she ignored me? That's great as long as I know she likes me to some respect, I can push out and really go for it. Thanks for your time.

 

Hoffle.

[Hoffle]

Do you think you aren't showing enuf interest? Anyway that's cool she still came up to you after you didn't say bye. Means she's a keeper!! Start flirtin w/ her. I gotta take my own advice cause I sorta got the same situation goin on too!!

 

I have thought about that (not showing enough interest) and I guess I haven't, but that's because I'm still struggling with the teenage cliches of being too shy, and too coy. I have renewed faith and I have made some changes to myself in the last four days in terms of style and I feel much better for it, so bring it on I say. What do I have to lose is what I asked myself and the truth is I have nothing to lose.

 

I will start flirting a bit, but it's bit complex because she seems shy, too and I don't know much, if anything about flirting to be honest with you. I will come on a bit stronger, I guess.

 

I know you mean, I always offer advice that I should use in my own scenario's.

[amerikajin]

I'm going to give you advice from a dude's perspective here. A few general rules to follow:

 

1. Become very, very familiar with a woman's signs of attraction. Learn them. Know them. Know the degrees of attraction. Act upon them when evident. This is a very important first step. For one thing, it gives you a little more confidence initially. When you already have a pretty good sense for knowing when a girl is really into you and when she's just being friendly, you have less to question yourself about. So I'd start there. You can find materials on the internet. Doc Love has some articles on knowing the signs of attraction, and while I don't recommend following all of his rules, he gives some good tips with respect to this particular issue.

 

2. If you think she's giving you signs of interest, then find out what she likes to do in her spare time. She'll then probably ask you the same question.

 

3. If you think you're on to something, suggest a future activity or two and see how she reacts. Get her phone number. Close the sale.

[amerikajin]

I have thought about that (not showing enough interest) and I guess I haven't, but that's because I'm still struggling with the teenage cliches of being too shy, and too coy. I have renewed faith and I have made some changes to myself in the last four days in terms of style and I feel much better for it, so bring it on I say. What do I have to lose is what I asked myself and the truth is I have nothing to lose.

 

I will start flirting a bit, but it's bit complex because she seems shy, too and I don't know much, if anything about flirting to be honest with you. I will come on a bit stronger, I guess.

 

I know you mean, I always offer advice that I should use in my own scenario's.

 

Not sure I would come on strong, you don't have to do that. You have to know the signs of interest and act on them. You don't have to be a comedian or especially outgoing, either, although it certainly helps. Just don't be boring. Listen, but have something to say that makes you interesting.

 

If you understand the signs of attraction, you'll almost never have to go through the humiliation of being outright rejected. You may still face the disappointment of not being able to date the one you're attracted to, but it will be communicated in subtle ways. You just have to pick up on it. I can't remember the last time I was actually rejected by someone I was really interested in dating. I know fairly soon if they're interested or if I'm just in their field of vision.

 

As a confidence booster, just remind yourself of something that people who date regularly find out for themselves: sometimes the one you think you're into turns out to be more hype than hip. Not that they're bad people, but sometimes you find out that their personalities and yours just don't match over the course of a long relationship. So don't take rejection too hard. Many times, you're being done a favor.

Edited February 17, 2008 by amerikajin

[Hoffle]

I'm going to give you advice from a dude's perspective here. A few general rules to follow:

 

1. Become very, very familiar with a woman's signs of attraction. Learn them. Know them. Know the degrees of attraction. Act upon them when evident. This is a very important first step. For one thing, it gives you a little more confidence initially. When you already have a pretty good sense for knowing when a girl is really into you and when she's just being friendly, you have less to question yourself about. So I'd start there. You can find materials on the internet. Doc Love has some articles on knowing the signs of attraction, and while I don't recommend following all of his rules, he gives some good tips with respect to this particular issue.

 

2. If you think she's giving you signs of interest, then find out what she likes to do in her spare time. She'll then probably ask you the same question.

 

3. If you think you're on to something, suggest a future activity or two and see how she reacts. Get her phone number. Close the sale.

 

I have read about the signs women present if they are attracted to someone and apart from the smiling and perhaps looking for too long in my direction, I don't feel she has used the other signs, but I shall keep a look out for the others.

 

I am going to ask her more questions when I see her, such as what she likes doing in her spare time, for example. Step three is a very good step and I shall try and follow it closely.

 

Not sure I would come on strong, you don't have to do that. You have to know the signs of interest and act on them. You don't have to be a comedian or especially outgoing, either, although it certainly helps. Just don't be boring. Listen, but have something to say that makes you interesting.

 

If you understand the signs of attraction, you'll almost never have to go through the humiliation of being outright rejected. You may still face the disappointment of not being able to date the one you're attracted to, but it will be communicated in subtle ways. You just have to pick up on it. I can't remember the last time I was actually rejected by someone I was really interested in dating. I know fairly soon if they're interested or if I'm just in their field of vision.

 

As a confidence booster, just remind yourself of something that people who date regularly find out for themselves: sometimes the one you think you're into turns out to be more hype than hip. Not that they're bad people, but sometimes you find out that their personalities and yours just don't match over the course of a long relationship. So don't take rejection too hard. Many times, you're being done a favor.

 

Many people I have met have taken an instant like to me and have found me to be a funny sort of chap with a good nature, so I guess this is one aspect I hope comes across strongly, if nothing else does. I see, well I can only be myself and tell her what I'm interested in, it's upto her to decide whether she thinks I'm boring, or not.

 

Thanks for your help,

 

Hoffle.