"I realize it's you I want."

[Sunflower]

Hey all. I don't know if any of you remember my never ending posts about this guy I have known since last summer, and all the conflicts that came with it, but here's quick recap.

 

Meet boy at gym last summer, hang out, both of us go back to school in fall, keep in touch long distance, meet up on some weekends, both of us go back in the winter, meet up. Things good, in the middle of that break, guy gets flaky, makes and breaks dates last minute, won't answer phone at times but did get back to me within the same day, annoyed by this, I ask him where this is all headed. He tells me "defintely like you so much more than a buddy, but not the best timing for a relationship just so unsure about school and future, you're graduating and going home, and entering the real world, I'll have to stick around here, I feel terrible asking you to wait for me and see how things go, I am just not ready, can we stay more than friends though and keep spending time together." and yada yada.

 

Thinking this is just not gonna go anywhere, I move on, date other people, he continues to keep in touch with me ( I let him do all the initiating because I wanted to know if he was totally bs'ing me or if there was some truth to what he was saying). After a while, pains me too much, I cut contact with him. Keep seeing others. He on the other hand embarks into a relationship with another girl that doesn't last too long. But during that time we get in touch again, he even comes to visit me, and by May I tell him my true feelings and that if he wanted to be exclusive with me, I would say yes for sure, but I was not going to wait around until he made up his mind. If not, just tell me now please. No hard feelings or pressure or anything, just wanted to get that out in the clear. He says he's still worried about our timing and is afraid it won't work. I say fair enough contact me when you want I'll be doing my thing. I have said all I had to say.

 

We keep in touch, and recently he tells me he's finally realized I am the one that he wants, that being in the relationship with that other girl ( she dumped him due to the two of them being too busy so they just had too much trouble staying in touch) just strengthend his feelings for me while we were in touch through out all that, and that he's going to do anything to show that I am the one for him, and he is the one for me, and if he doesn't move to exclusivity now, he realizes he may never get that chance again. And regardless of our long distance and our different paths in life, and all that, he's determined to make it work.

 

Should I go for it? Or is he getting gushy cuz there's just no one else around now?

[d1410]

I think you should be wary of this guy.

 

There are just some people who don't know WHAT they want, they go back and forth and always wonder what they aren't getting. they are never satisfied..

 

He said "I realized you are the one for me".. What is he basing his feelings on if he has been involved with another girl?

 

Although his feelings and intentions might be genuine (maybe he just needed some time to date around)..don't rush into anything with this guy. If he flaked on you before, he may likely flake on you again.

 

I would tread carefully and get to know him more before you become exclusive with him.

 

The last guy I dated was very interested in me at first and we agreed to be "exclusive" after knowing each other only after a few weeks. after one month, he flaked off for a few weeks (no calls, nothing) and then he decided to come back into my life and expected us to be chummy friends (and maybe more) My mistake was that I got too involved from the start and slept with him way too early.

 

You never know what this guys intentions are until you get to know his character. How does he treat other people around him? what is his dating history? does he respect you and is honest with you? It takes time to know a person this way, so why not wait!

 

Good luck!

 

d1410

[Sunflower]

I appreciate the honest feedback.

I really do like this guy and I would love to be exclusive with him if I knew for sure that when he said he needed time to get to know me better and all that stuff he said, he did truly mean that he wanted to take things slow and really do get to know me. We didn't really see each other face to face as often as we kept in touch long distance, and that's very different from spending time together with a person. So maybe I was asking for too much too soon when I expected him to tell me he wanted to be exclusive with me that winter. And he did ask me first if I wanted to be exclusive with him but I answered that I didn't know. I was a bit selfish I suppose.

 

It wasn't like he disappeared afterwards, he did keep in touch very often until I cut him off. And he swears that he wasn' t being flaky because he was with the other lady, he just had so much going on with his dad and future plans and just didn't think he would treat me in the way he would have liked if we had gone into a relationship, it was just all too fast. It just strikes me that he was totally fine going into a relationship with her once I cut contact with him but with me there was all that trouble. He swears he isn't trying to be with me because he isn't with her.

 

Of course I had nothing against him when he told he had been dating another girl at the same time as he was dating me...I do that myself, but I wouldn't have dreamed of giving him that ultimatum if I had known he had a girlfriend at the time. (he poured it out as he was asking me to go steady you see..) I would have backed off immediately. But of course that was why he didn't tell me then.

 

In answer to your questions, I've met his friends when he visited me, and he treats them really nicely and he made sure I wasn't uncomfortable around them. Dating history: Two steady girlfriends, I am not sure if he is counting this two month one as steady, the others he had dated for 2 years or more. I'll be his third (fourth?) if I accept. (we are both 23 years old).

And yes besides this episode he has been honest with me and has never treated me meanly or anything like that.

 

I guess I'll just have to see, he's been really going out of his way in showing me his feelings these days, there are other girls who have expressed interest in him but it's me he wants...I just don't know.

[BillG]

Matters of the heart are a very tough thing to judge. In all that you have said, he has finely decided you are the one he wants. I believe you even mentioned he was upfront and honest about not wanting to be committed in the beginning.

 

Take baby steps, be cautious, but give him an opportunity to show you how he feels. Words are cheap and often used only as an enticement, but deeds tell the story..