I'd do almost anything for my girlfriend. But this... no.

[AAlike]

Exactly. In various topics on this board, people always go on about how the past is the past bla bla, which is a bit naive. Our past does make us what we are today, unfortunately it sounds like your gf's past made her into a whore.

 

 

I mean, come on, what kind of world are we living in where a girl *wants* to have two different cocks inside of her? It is one thing to get wasted one night and end up doing something like that, but to say to your bf "i'd really like two cocks in me". It is one thing to have a little fantasy about it, but you do NOT tell your bf you want another dude inside you, I thought that would fall under "common sense" but hell, in the couple years I've been coming to this board I've seen that common sense isn't as abundant in our world as I thought.

 

Just..god, what has the world turned into? What happened to morals? I get that this isn't 50 years ago and kids aren't waiting till marriage for sex anymore, etc. but damn, let's keep SOME of our morals people, they weren't all bad.

 

If my gf mentioned that she wanted to have a 3some with the another guy, I'd tell her "now it is 2some" cuz I'd be gone. Let me point out I would also say no to a 3some with another girl, just thought I'd point that out cuz I know some people love to throw around the "double standard" term a lot.

 

shadowplay this is exactly what I'm talking about. I think that only a guy would take this stance of "casual sex is OK, but doing it in THIS fashion is immoral and whoreish" and accuse the GF of being a whore because she had two incidents of isolated experimentation.

 

In this case, however, the problem is not that the girlfriend has had a few experimental situations or has fantasized about a threesome, or even has approached the OP about the prospect of trying it...it's that she continues to harp on it in spite of the fact that it clearly is emotionally affecting OP. That's not cool no matter what the issue.

[Cobra_X30]

My girlfriend or his?

 

as far as the values thing - well, it depends on what you mean. Honestly, the first time I read his post I think I either skipped over or forgot that he was a virgin - since that's the case, I actually do agree with you.

 

However, I disagree that the degree of experimentation that one will go to is shaped by one's personal values or belief system. I think that the only decision regarding sex that has to do with morals or value systems is whether casual sex is OK or not OK. To say that one kind of casual sex is OK while another is not is not anything rooted in values, but rather just finding out one's comfort zone. if you're going to engage in casual/recreational sex at all, you're going to do whatever it is that turns you on - after all, that's the entire point of casual sex! To make distinctions between levels of it is pointless.

 

In this case though, if OP is completely opposed to the idea of casual sex, then yes, this is a problem.

 

Yeah, I went back and re-read my post on that. It sounded kinda mean. Sorry about that. Seriously, the ideas you throw out on this topic are really amazing!

 

I've always felt that people draw lines in regards to what they are comfortable with sexually based on their value systems. However, I really see what your saying on this. Perhaps it has less to do with value systems and more to do with insecurities in regards to what people are willing to try.

 

Again, given the information that I did not take into account, I think that you're right - I probably just skimmed this and took it as another "should I go through with this threesome" thing. Also, it's one thing to ask once, it's entirely another thing to ask repeatedly especially if she knows that this is bothering you.

 

OP, you're both young, and unfortunately it doesn't seem like this girl is willing to forego what she seems to see as an essential "wild oat sowing" period. could be time to let her move on.

 

I completely agree! It's the difference in their opinions on this that makes this a problem.

[AAlike]

Yeah, I went back and re-read my post on that. It sounded kinda mean. Sorry about that. Seriously, the ideas you throw out on this topic are really amazing!

 

What about your post sounded mean?

 

I've always felt that people draw lines in regards to what they are comfortable with sexually based on their value systems. However, I really see what your saying on this. Perhaps it has less to do with value systems and more to do with insecurities in regards to what people are willing to try.

 

 

Or maybe they use "value systems" to mask their insecurities...it's very easy to label something that would make you uncomfortable as "bad", then you don't have to worry about why it makes you uncomfortable. In the grand scheme of things - no "degree" of sex should be "bad" - recreational sex is recreational sex whether it's languid missionary or quintuple penetration - as long as people are protected, consenting and no laws are being broken, nothing is inherently bad or harmful.

 

again, let me reiterate that if you're against casual sex, that is a completely different manner. but the "it's ridiculous to think that people should wait for marriage BUT doing it this way is too over the top" is just flawed I think.

[Cobra_X30]

Or maybe they use "value systems" to mask their insecurities...it's very easy to label something that would make you uncomfortable as "bad", then you don't have to worry about why it makes you uncomfortable. In the grand scheme of things - no "degree" of sex should be "bad" - recreational sex is recreational sex whether it's languid missionary or quintuple penetration - as long as people are protected, consenting and no laws are being broken, nothing is inherently bad or harmful.

 

again, let me reiterate that if you're against casual sex, that is a completely different manner. but the "it's ridiculous to think that people should wait for marriage BUT doing it this way is too over the top" is just flawed I think.

 

I'm glad you didn't think it sounded mean. I wasn't trying to make it sound that way... just on re-read it didn't come across the way I intended it to.

 

Anyway, I think your very right about this. If someone is uncomfortable about the degree... it probably does not have anything to do with value systems. Example, your value system shouldnt make you uncomfortable trying a new position. Which is degree.

 

Context I think applies much better to value systems. So a personal value system would conflict with context in which the sex occurs. Example, your partner is still a minor... Your partner wants to add another person... ect. Those are context issues that may conflict with value systems. Which is what I think we have going on in this case!

[Tippssy]

So because my attempt last week to talk to her failed, I sent her a message on Facebook last night explaining how I felt and asking her to stop. Then she IM'd me saying "I'm glad you can't say something to my face and that you have to send me a message on Facebook". I then pointed out that I *DID* say it to her face and she then told me to leave her alone. I asked her why and she said because I joke about everything but got mad when she joked about something.

 

We haven't talked since. All my friends say break up with her, she's a tramp, and an unnecessary burden. But I say I would gladly bear that burden if it means I can be with her. I'm going to let her break the silence being that *she* told *me* to leave her alone. And see if I mean anything to her.

[Potatocakes]

Well me and my boyfriend have discussed having a threesome and see nothing wrong with it because we are both comfortable. I just don't believe that she's 'curious'. She's been with a guy before whats to be curious about and the fact that she won't use a vibrator makes it even more suspicous.

[Replicant]

I'm going to let her break the silence being that *she* told *me* to leave her alone. And see if I mean anything to her.

 

Rather dramatic what she's doing, but let it play out. Sounds more like she's having a bit of a personal tantrum because you are still standing ground to that fantasy she wants as a reality regardless of the means you are making it clear to her.

 

The issue should be laid to rest now. If she takes the mature route.... You wont hear of it again, things move on from here in your relationship. If she carries on still, i would take your friends advice a little more seriously.

[mylovegrowsdeeper]

She seems very immature. Either way, I can't see this relationship making the long haul. You two seem to have very different mentality's, morals, and perspectives on life. While two people don't need to be twins in life to make it through the long haul, you do need to be on similiar planes when it comes to morals,perspectives,and mentality's.

 

Ten years from now, is this the woman you'll respect as a woman to raise your children? Someone who doesn't cherish her body and thinks it's a tool for fun and games? Exactly, my keen guess is this will hardly be the last thing you two clash on morally,perspectively etc etc etc.

[ABrokenWing]

Okay, it's our first year of college. We met on Facebook before moving in and we met in person around late September. We've been going out 4 months as of Friday and we are very much in love. She is my first girlfriend, but she's been with tons of other guys.

 

I would do almost anything for her. Several times I've walked across campus to her dorm around midnight to comfort her when she would be sad. Her family loves me, and my family loves her. But there's something she's asking me to do that I am not comfortable with whatsoever.

 

So... we're sexually active. I gave my virginity to her and apparently she really enjoys it when we have sex. But recently she's been asking me to participate in a threesome. Her explanation? She's "just curious". I told her no, that I love her, and I want only her and I don't want to share her. She says that she loves me but really wants to experience having two guys "do" her at once.

 

What am I supposed to do? She jokes about it a lot, but she is also dead serious about wanting one. She thinks sex is just for fun; I think it's a special thing that two lovers share. This is something that I'm not going to let her have her way with. And if she keeps bringing it up, even as a joke, it's going to turn into a serious problem. The fact that she doesn't want only me is very uncomfortable.

 

 

If she can't respect that you don't want to do this, she isn't the girl for you.

[Kiss Dont Miss]

Tell her how serious you are about her.

 

If she keeps insisting, break up. Maybe she isn't much in you?

[twice_shy]

Okay, it's our first year of college. We met on Facebook before moving in and we met in person around late September. We've been going out 4 months as of Friday and we are very much in love. She is my first girlfriend, but she's been with tons of other guys.

 

I would do almost anything for her. Several times I've walked across campus to her dorm around midnight to comfort her when she would be sad. Her family loves me, and my family loves her. But there's something she's asking me to do that I am not comfortable with whatsoever.

 

So... we're sexually active. I gave my virginity to her and apparently she really enjoys it when we have sex. But recently she's been asking me to participate in a threesome. Her explanation? She's "just curious". I told her no, that I love her, and I want only her and I don't want to share her. She says that she loves me but really wants to experience having two guys "do" her at once.

 

What am I supposed to do?

 

Dump her. Let her find some other cuckolded type of guy she can do all the 3somes she wants.

 

You, on the other hand, are a monogomous guy and she might as well slap you in the face hard if she is suggesting it.

 

Don't put up with it. If you don't like the idea and are hurt by the notion that she wants two guys "do her, then leave. She isn't worth you're time.

[twice_shy]

So because my attempt last week to talk to her failed, I sent her a message on Facebook last night explaining how I felt and asking her to stop. Then she IM'd me saying "I'm glad you can't say something to my face and that you have to send me a message on Facebook".

 

So you convey your concerns and feelings to her and she poo poos them by giving you some bulls##t about saying it to her face.

 

Dude, lose this trash.

 

 

We haven't talked since. All my friends say break up with her, she's a tramp, and an unnecessary burden.

 

Listen to your friends, they are absolutely right!!

 

 

But I say I would gladly bear that burden if it means I can be with her. I'm going to let her break the silence being that *she* told *me* to leave her alone. And see if I mean anything to her.

 

Oh dear, has she got you wrapped around her little finger or what?

 

Ok dude, learn the hard way. Break the silence, have a relationship with her, and when she cheats on you, don't complain. Afterall, we tried to warn you as did your friends.

[twice_shy]

Is it just me or this Tipsy fellow just being a douche?

 

Not everyone wants their so-called committed partner to get boned by someone else.

 

Why do you think you got dumped for suggesting it?

[amor est vitae essen]

In my experience when a woman starts talking about a 3 way... she already has guy number 2 in mind!

 

This is most likely true: if she's openly talking about it, you can bet she's been talking to Guy 2 about it too.

 

Interesting views on love sex vs casual sex. Holding sex out to be some sacred act is never a good thing. It isn't sacred, it's just sex. Yes, it can be a very special thing between two (or more ) people in love, or it can be a bit of fun. Whilst being a part of a relationship, it's by no means the most important bit. Too many people believe that sex is the ultimate expression of love; I'd like to think day-to-day actions make a bigger statement.

 

As for threesomes, you have to be very secure not only in your relationship, but also with the prospect of you partner enjoying it, and seeing a reaction you may not have seen before. Because if you start to think that she may be enjoying it more than when she's with you alone, you will go insane.