my experience

[angel.babe]

Hi Sharon,

 

Thought I'd tell you about my experience. I have had 2 relationships when guys backed off, then I left them without contacting them, and they started chasing me. The first relationship, I took him back, then he backed off again, a few weeks later, so I refused to give him another chance. I still see him when I go out, years later and he comes on to me, begging for me to go out with him but no way does he get another chance, even though it took me a long time to get over him. The 2nd guy, I loved him badly, i took him back a few times. Then he would do the same again. The last time I didn't hear from him for 3 months, I didn't contact him, I started dating someone new, then he called crying wanting me back, I break it off with my new guy, go back to him, he wanted to make it up to me, making promises we would do this and that then 2 weeks later, he was playing up, not calling me for days, saying his phone was not working, he was unwell etc, he would be selfish when he saw me, arranging to take me out bowling and pictures, but then change his mind, wanting to go to pub for him to have a drink and see hism friends and wanted me to go along, and he knew I was not a drinker. Then by the 3rd week he got annoyed for no reason and told me it was over. By this time I had enough, I thought no more, I had been getting on with my life, i was with someone new and he came back in my life to treat me like this. So I said fine you finish it, even though I loved him. I left him alone, 3 weeks later he called crying, telling me he missed me like mad, that he was stupid, crying asking me me if I was with another man as he couldn't stand the thought of me being with another man. As much as I loved him and missed him and I wanted to be with him, I thought no more, the pain was too much, the breaking up and making up was too much for me. I cried for months but was determined, this guy was not the one and I had to get over him which I did.

Then I had another relationship, by 3 months, he kind of backed off saying he neede spaced, again I left him alone, 5 days later he came running, crying, chasing me. I thought, there was a pattern in my life and I did not like it, I took a week to think, then I thought maybe there were other reasons he may have behaved the way he did. so carried on seeing him, he was obsessed with me, would ring me 5 times a day, wanting to see me more, we went out for 9 months, I thought we were in love, even though he would cause arguments , he was jealous, why is your phone switched off, he didn't like what I was wearing, etc, the arguments were getting more frequent, he damaged my car in moments of anger and broke my sunglasses, he would then chase me and ask for forgiveness. One day after work I was driving home and I saw him walking with another woman, coming out of a pub. I told him it was over, he rang and rang and cried saying i got it all wrong. I thought i'd give him the benefit of a doubt, we went away for a week, and again he would cause arguments for no reason. When I got back, i told him it was over, he calmly said, okay, which shocked me as he was totally obsessed with me and I never thought I'd get rid of him even if I wanted to. I didnt hear from him, I texted him happy birthday as 2 weeks after breaking up as I thought 9 months with someone, he deserved a birthday wish,but he didn't reply even though i received a report message on my phone to say he received it. It all diddn't make sense. I saw a friend of his, a few days later who told me he moved in with an ex girlfriend 2 weeks before. I decided that was it, it was over for good. I didn't hear from him and I felt used, that the 9 months he lied to me but didn't mean any of it, where he rang me 5 times a day, now he was back with an ex did he still love her why he was with me?

I felt I managed to get over the other guys, who meant more to me and I could do it again with this one. I didn't contact him, at times I cried and I felt i was getting over him, i sterted not thinking about him as much as I did when we first broke up. Out of the blue 4 months later 2 days before xmas, he leaves me a message, saying he was sorry for everything, wished me a happy xmas and asking for me to ring him. Like you, I didn't know if to answer or not. At 1st I thought no, i wont answer, there was no way I would ever take him back, he was an awful person,and he treated me badly and I felt he most probably did cheat on me and probably more than once. On xmas day I felt guilty,i thought it was xmas after all and I texted him, thanks for apololgy, even though it is not relevant anymore as was a long time ago, happy xmas to you 2, take care. I didn't hear from him, which i thought was fine, as if he called back I would have given him a mouthful. He probably expected a different message than what he got. I did feel he was coming into my thoughts again now that he contacted me and I had wished I didn't text him back.

After this, again I did not contact him, then a month later he left another message, begging for me to give him a chance to speak to me, he said 'as friends'. I thought let him call me as I wanted to remind him know of all the bad things he did to me and for him to realise he lost me for good and he can't treat people like that. So I made an 'appointment' when he could ring me, 2 days later. He thanked me and said he could't wait to speak to me and he called me as arranged. I told him what I had to say, he spoke on the phone to me for an hour telling me what he had been doing etc, he then said he didnt want to be in a relationship at the present time, i told him I didnt blame him, then he said would I meet him so he can take me out for a meal, I then said I could'nt as I was with someone new, even though I wasn't, i wanted him to know he cant just ring me and think he can have me back when it suits him, at this time he felt embarrased and got off the phone in 5 seconds.

 

My message is long but what is it's meaning?: Dont bother with them when they come back. Through my experience, they will do it again and again, as long as you let them. I learnt by the 3rd time, and I wasn't having it anymore, we deserve better. If it was real love they wouldn't have risked losing us. These men are not worth it, we need to find someone who is sure they want to be with us and treat us right. You will get over him. By 6 months things always look better and you will feel pleased you were strong enough to let him go, not the other way round, as they will come back again and again, as long as you let them. My 2nd one I loved dearly but the pain i felt everytime he backed off was too much. Think of it as an addiction, we need their love, their attention and to feel happy when we are with them. At first, we miss all these feelings, like someone would miss alcohol if they are addicted to it, but day by day u will get stronger and you will realise u don't really depend on them to function, we can function on our own, it is just adjusting again to being on our own and as soon as the pain reduces, you will meet someone else, maybe you will meet the ONE! and u wouldn't have done if u stayed with this loser. Good luck!