Why so many relationships where both participants are married?

[Letranger]

But when Jesus stopped that stoning, he said go forth and sin no more. That was his mandate to the woman, and he even said the wages of sin is death. Now did he mean that as literal death at the exact moment of sin, of course not. If he did, there would be no one on earth, but their will be an eventual death from all the crap we bring into our lives.

 

Now come on. Do you think if she did it again and was being stoned again, Jesus would walk by, shrug his shoulders, and say 'Well, I warned her!' and go on his merry way?

 

What he showed was understanding and forgiveness. Something draconian believers do have the capacity to comprehend. Everyone makes mistakes, and one cannot learn from them if they are killed every time they do something that does not justify death.

 

The woman knows what she did was wrong, and may actually change her ways and become a better person now that she knows she can be forgiven.

 

Let the punishment fit the crime, and death for adultery is ridiculous. And there is something backwards with anyone thinking otherwise.

[White Flower]

Filing for divorce is more than difficult. It is reliving what you thought was your life. It is going through it scrap by scrap and sometimes feeling like a failure because it is coming to an end. It makes you rethink all your feelings about the person you are married to and the way that yo have evolved during the marriage. For me it was sad, but eventually so liberating. I realized who much of my life I had put on hold for someone who would never appreciate who I am or what I did for them. He would never appreciate my fidelity or committment to our family. I am on a path that I would not have chosen for myself, but I am glad that God kicked me in this direction.

 

As for this post you could be describing me. Only difference is I started the A before the M ended. I know you wouldn't have and good for you:laugh: I too am glad God kicked me in this direction.

[White Flower]

I think the term “bash” is often used rather frivolously by those who are extremely sensitive to a particular subject or point of view that may not be aligned with their own. My response to the Original Poster’s question was my honest opinion given my own experiences with the subject. To sugar coat or attempt a verbal soft-shoe around it would have led to posting a convoluted novel. My post’s are already wordy enough as it is.

 

 

 

I wasn’t referring to you specifically. And I’m happy for you that you have finally been motivated to become more proactive regarding your marital situation regardless of what it finally took to reach that epiphany. And YES ... I am no stranger to divorce. Like you, I was so miserable with my marriage (and MEANT it) that I got out of it over ten years ago. And what it cost me was worth the happiness and peace of mind I earned in the end. No amount of money in the world can buy that.

 

And while I understand you can’t see around that dark corner yet, I’ve already been there, and assure you that happier and less troubled days are waiting for you ahead, as well.

It's funny because when I said 'bash' I was trying to think of another word instead. Like you, I'm wordy.

 

I'm happy you earned your current happiness.

[bentnotbroken]

Now come on. Do you think if she did it again and was being stoned again, Jesus would walk by, shrug his shoulders, and say 'Well, I warned her!' and go on his merry way?

 

What he showed was understanding and forgiveness. Something draconian believers do have the capacity to comprehend. Everyone makes mistakes, and one cannot learn from them if they are killed every time they do something that does not justify death.

 

The woman knows what she did was wrong, and may actually change her ways and become a better person now that she knows she can be forgiven.

 

Let the punishment fit the crime, and death for adultery is ridiculous. And there is something backwards with anyone thinking otherwise.

 

 

No I don't believe that you should die for committing adultery, but being forgiven doesn't mean that you should take advantage of that mercy. So by your train of thought how many times to you give someone who didn't intend to kill, but maim instead a chance. Are they supposed to kill accidently 3,4, 5 times before they say o.k. he had enough chances? Jesus is forigiving as the people who follow him should be, but at some point the forgiven has to take responsibility for their actions and the consequences of those actions.

[bentnotbroken]

As for this post you could be describing me. Only difference is I started the A before the M ended. I know you wouldn't have and good for you:laugh: I too am glad God kicked me in this direction.

 

 

Confucious(sp) said that all people are the same, just their actions are different.

[Cobra_X30]

Fearful? Can you explain?

Cobra, you also know I feel for you too. I know your childhood sucked and your mother wasn't the best.

My H is an OK dad. The kids still want to live with me, though, because 'he doesn't do anything around here and he's mean', they say but he does care about them. More than he ever cared about me.

 

I know... your situation sucks. I think your handling it as well as you can.

 

I'm really glad to hear your H is a decent dad. In my opinion you can't be a really good dad without being a really good husband as well.

 

It takes more effort when your living separately I pray that he steps up for your kids. It will be tough, but I think it will turn out Ok in the end.

[Cobra_X30]

So you have never been married, never been divorced, and you dish out advice on this topic like you know what you are talking about. I'm sorry, but do you think that is responsible? Do you think for a moment you may not know what you are talking about?

You know, you revealed a lot by stating you support 'Draconian' code. I think that is very telling. The fact that you want death mandated for minor crimes is backwards and barbaric! Let the punishment fit the crime, son!

Jesus stopped a stoning of an adulterous woman. Do you disagree with that? Apparently, you do!

I don't think you are this evil. Seeing your post about being a victim of a destroyed family is obviously something you need to come to healthy terms with.

Have you seen a therapist about this? While you may not see it, you are projecting your pain and anguish on others here, and its not fair to anyone, especially the ones posting for help.

Get some help son. At least consider it.

 

I will explain it this way. I know human nature, I know how we interact socially, and personally. I have experience within a multitude of different relationships. Have I ever had a piece of paper that states I am married... no I have not.

 

I used the word draconian as a descriptive word. You do realize that it is an adjective right? Meaning overly harsh, or too severe. You obviously missed the post where I stated very clearly that I do not support capital punishment for adultery. My point in bringing that up was that given extreme consequences people avoid engaging in this particular type of behavior. That's it. That's all I was saying.

 

Look, I'm not a victim. I never was. My sister took the brunt of everything, while I bailed out. I regret that.

 

Please, just actually read what I type. Don't skim through it or skip posts. You will never get a clear picture that way.

 

Says who? Boy, I didn't know it became a requirement. So even if this somehow is proved true, should couples just divorce after their children move out?

 

I was speaking from a historical standpoint. I think you need to read the article to get that.

[GreenEyedLady]

Now come on. Do you think if she did it again and was being stoned again, Jesus would walk by, shrug his shoulders, and say 'Well, I warned her!' and go on his merry way?

 

What he showed was understanding and forgiveness. Something draconian believers do have the capacity to comprehend. Everyone makes mistakes, and one cannot learn from them if they are killed every time they do something that does not justify death.

 

The woman knows what she did was wrong, and may actually change her ways and become a better person now that she knows she can be forgiven.

 

Let the punishment fit the crime, and death for adultery is ridiculous. And there is something backwards with anyone thinking otherwise.

 

I think this is a great post!

[Lizzie60]

Boy, I totally agree. What an clueless statement, no offense. Let me guess: cob_x has never been married but yet knows all about marriage. Oh, and the killing of people for any offense to lower crime-boy, yeah, thats a great solution!

 

And boy, people that sort people into categories are people contaminated by prejudice.

 

 

I heard that the killing of people for any offense has not lower the crime at all.. civilized countries have abolished that.

[Lizzie60]

I think men will go with a woman he has chemistry with, it's not about the status.. IMO..

 

BUT.. I know most MM will chose (if they had the choice) a single woman, with no dependant children.

 

I met a few guys like that.. one in particular, a lawyer, he was specifically looking for a single woman.. no kids... so that he could meet her whenever HE wanted to and.. at HER place.. he thought the motel/hotel thing was too expensive.. I met him for a coffee only and turned him down.. he was too 'cheap'...

 

They say that a married OW with kids at home is almost impossible to schedule a meeting where both can be free when they feel like it...

 

That makes sense.. that's probably why I am the perfect candidate. lol

[Cobra_X30]

I think this is a great post!

 

Just because someone takes me out of context to ridicule a pov I don't espouse, does not make it a great post!

[Letranger]

I will explain it this way. I know human nature, I know how we interact socially, and personally. I have experience within a multitude of different relationships. Have I ever had a piece of paper that states I am married... no I have not.

 

I used the word draconian as a descriptive word. You do realize that it is an adjective right? Meaning overly harsh, or too severe. You obviously missed the post where I stated very clearly that I do not support capital punishment for adultery. My point in bringing that up was that given extreme consequences people avoid engaging in this particular type of behavior. That's it. That's all I was saying.

 

Look, I'm not a victim. I never was. My sister took the brunt of everything, while I bailed out. I regret that.

 

Please, just actually read what I type. Don't skim through it or skip posts. You will never get a clear picture that way.

 

 

 

I was speaking from a historical standpoint. I think you need to read the article to get that.

 

I see how you deal with things now. When something about you is exposed to you and you don't like it, you deny it and twist your own words. Its a form of bailing.

 

Here is a definition of Draconian:1876 (earlier Draconic, 1680), from Draco, Gk. statesman who laid down a code of laws for Athens 621 B.C.E. that mandated death as punishment for minor crimes.

So you see son, I READ what you typed. Those are YOUR words I responded to. Maybe you should READ what you typed.

 

And don't forget: you categorize. Its a form of prejudice. Categorization is never a good sign of acceptance. Hitler categorized as well. So does the KKK. So be careful.

 

You claim with an authoritative and self righteous tone to know all about marriage, divorce, and what is right and wrong, but you haven't LIVED any of it, son. You have no real experience.

 

You know as much about marriage and divorce than you know about playing in the major leagues. Just because you have swung a bat at a ball does not make you a pro.

 

So I would stick with the dating and i can afford two wives threads until you get one. And a dictionary.

 

Good luck son! And please, consider some counseling. I don't think you have dealt with all your demons.

[Cobra_X30]

I see how you deal with things now. When something about you is exposed to you and you don't like it, you deny it and twist your own words. Its a form of bailing.

 

Here is a definition of Draconian:1876 (earlier Draconic, 1680), from Draco, Gk. statesman who laid down a code of laws for Athens 621 B.C.E. that mandated death as punishment for minor crimes.

So you see son, I READ what you typed. Those are YOUR words I responded to. Maybe you should READ what you typed.

 

And don't forget: you categorize. Its a form of prejudice. Categorization is never a good sign of acceptance. Hitler categorized as well. So does the KKK. So be careful.

 

You claim with an authoritative and self righteous tone to know all about marriage, divorce, and what is right and wrong, but you haven't LIVED any of it, son. You have no real experience.

 

You know as much about marriage and divorce than you know about playing in the major leagues. Just because you have swung a bat at a ball does not make you a pro.

 

So I would stick with the dating and i can afford two wives threads until you get one. And a dictionary.

 

Good luck son! And please, consider some counseling. I don't think you have dealt with all your demons.

 

I used the word as an adjective... what about that don't you get? Shoot I even gave you the definition.

 

Perhaps you read but fail to comprehend, or more likely it's just convenient to make up whatever you want to believe I'm saying.

 

This discussion has become pointless. PM me if you want clarification on any points.

[Carpetrider]

Son, I think you still have issues that you have not addressed and made peace with. May I surmise to say that your mother's anger and her issues with her situation telegraph thru to you?

 

Regarding your comment about the link not being a scientific article...never said that it was. I just posted it for general interest sake. Are you looking at a scientific article from a quantative or qualitative point of view? Can you quantified human relationships? I say not. BTW, nice try being a troll with your verbal jabs.

[Letranger]

Have I ever had a piece of paper that states I am married... no I have not.

 

Well, its obvious that you haven't. You may have played house a few years, but believe me, no one here that is married or divorced will say its the same thing.

You really don't know what you are talking about. And I don't mean this as an insult.

And until you do, you shouldn't give advice as if you do, because it's borderline irresponsible. And if you choose to do so (and I know you will because I know your type), try not to be so abrasive.

 

And how much does two wives cost anyways? I didn't know you could put a price on women. Sounds like more categorization.

[Letranger]

Son, I think you still have issues that you have not addressed and made peace with. May I surmise to say that your mother's anger and her issues with her situation telegraph thru to you?

 

Regarding your comment about the link not being a scientific article...never said that it was. I just posted it for general interest sake. Are you looking at a scientific article from a quantative or qualitative point of view? Can you quantified human relationships? I say not. BTW, nice try being a troll with your verbal jabs.

 

I don't think he is a troll at all. If so, he's the hardest working troll there is. Look at all his past posts. He is the real deal.

I just think he is in a bit of denial with what is really going on and is projecting it out on others. Especially when infidelity is involved.

He has a special interest with marriage issues and is quite hostile when it is represented less than perfect.

It might be the classic case of fear of getting married because he fears it will turn out like his parents. He doesn't know how to deal with the anger, so he projects it out on others.

We should wish him good luck and get some help or counseling.

[Cobra_X30]

Son, I think you still have issues that you have not addressed and made peace with. May I surmise to say that your mother's anger and her issues with her situation telegraph thru to you?

 

Regarding your comment about the link not being a scientific article...never said that it was. I just posted it for general interest sake. Are you looking at a scientific article from a quantative or qualitative point of view? Can you quantified human relationships? I say not. BTW, nice try being a troll with your verbal jabs.

 

You did post that for general iterest sake, I did'nt catch that originally. I apologize if it sounded like verbal jabs, that was not my intent.

[twice_shy]

went to those links .....I understand even less, single people deliberately looking for a partner that's already attached

 

Single people looking for attached partners are doing so because that way they don't really have any worries of becoming attached themselves.

 

If all someone wants is no strings attached sex, and they are single, then what better way than to bed down someone that is married? And of course the married person, as pathetic as they are, will love it because its new and exciting and not the same old same old person they have been with for years.

 

Which brings me back to a question I ask all the time, why do people like that feel the need to get married? People like that need to be single and leave the rest of the committment minded world alone.

[GreenEyedLady]

Just because someone takes me out of context to ridicule a pov I don't espouse, does not make it a great post!

 

Cobra!

 

I did not say it was a great post because it rebutted what you said...

 

I think it was a great post because I agree with the content...

[White Flower]

I know... your situation sucks. I think your handling it as well as you can.

 

I'm really glad to hear your H is a decent dad. In my opinion you can't be a really good dad without being a really good husband as well.

 

It takes more effort when your living separately I pray that he steps up for your kids. It will be tough, but I think it will turn out Ok in the end.

 

I agree with you on this one, Cobra. I mean, a good person tries to be well-rounded in his goodness, right? But my H likes to pick and choose who he'll be good to.

 

Another concern is how he'll deal with certain issues and the fact that I can't be there to support the kids with certain issues, nor be able to curtail others. He's already telling my kids to start working on their credit. It scares me to death that one day soon he'll try talking his own adult children into pulling cash advances off a credit card for his so-called investing. But that's another thread. I'll pray along with you, Cobra.

[Letranger]

Nobody should be killed or even jailed or fined for cheating but a betrayed spouse should be able to walk away from a marriage unscathed. No alimony, you keep everything you own and you get the house if you have been cheated on. It's only fair that a faithful partner not pay for something that is not their fault. The cheater takes whatever they themselves own and half the account if it is a joint one and that is it.

 

I totally agree Woggle. I think it would be fair that a cheater not get alimony and I am surprised that cheaters do when that's the cause for the divorce.

However I haven't been in divorce court yet so I wouldn't know (and I won't pretend to know about it and badger others about the topic)

[Woggle]

I totally agree Woggle. I think it would be fair that a cheater not get alimony and I am surprised that cheaters do when that's the cause for the divorce.

However I haven't been in divorce court yet so I wouldn't know (and I won't pretend to know about it and badger others about the topic)

 

It depends and it is very much gender biased. Some women camn spin the poor little victimr routine but courts are wising up and surprisingly female judges are less likely to fall for the lies. When I showed up in divorce court and saw the judge was a woman I thought I was screwed up but my cheating ex was caught in so many lies that she got nothing. We had to split the money in the account but that was it. I got the house and didn't have to pay her a dime. It is only fair that a betrayed spouse should not have to drain their wallet for something that is thrust upon them.

[Cobra_X30]

Cobra!

 

I did not say it was a great post because it rebutted what you said...

 

I think it was a great post because I agree with the content...

 

Context is often just as important as content. I also agree with the basics of what was said... so the content was good. However the context was way off.

 

BentNB, was explaining that from a biblical standpoint we die because of our sin. That God's forgiveness does not mean freedom from consequences.

 

I don't think the response truely addressed that point.

 

On a very human level, Forgiveness should be earned!

[Cobra_X30]

I agree with you on this one, Cobra. I mean, a good person tries to be well-rounded in his goodness, right? But my H likes to pick and choose who he'll be good to.

 

Another concern is how he'll deal with certain issues and the fact that I can't be there to support the kids with certain issues, nor be able to curtail others. He's already telling my kids to start working on their credit. It scares me to death that one day soon he'll try talking his own adult children into pulling cash advances off a credit card for his so-called investing. But that's another thread. I'll pray along with you, Cobra.

 

Exactly! It takes two to make a marriage work. It only takes one to make it fail.

 

Education is the best way to battle disinformation in regards to credit. The more your kids know about how the system works, the less likely your H will be able to take advantage of them in that way.

 

My sister is a great example. We used to send her money all the time to keep her off the street. She used it for drugs, so we started paying rent and buying food instead. That just freed up what money she did make for drugs. At some point we need to realize that everyone stopped enabling her she would no longer be able to be an addict. Education on this would have saved everyone from this mistake.

 

She just went to treatment BTW!

[White Flower]

Exactly! It takes two to make a marriage work. It only takes one to make it fail.

 

Education is the best way to battle disinformation in regards to credit. The more your kids know about how the system works, the less likely your H will be able to take advantage of them in that way.

 

My sister is a great example. We used to send her money all the time to keep her off the street. She used it for drugs, so we started paying rent and buying food instead. That just freed up what money she did make for drugs. At some point we need to realize that everyone stopped enabling her she would no longer be able to be an addict. Education on this would have saved everyone from this mistake.

 

She just went to treatment BTW!

Congrats on the treatment for your sis! My brother died living a similar lifestyle. His story inspired a friend of mine to turn to AA and she is now sober 15 years and very successful. It can be done!

 

Yes, I have already educated my kids about credit because I saw a nasty pattern develop with H and his entire family. They've been warned up the wazzoo not to ever pull money off cards for him no matter how enticing the deal sounds. If you want to invest in something, save your money or talk to your CPA. It's a regular conversation around my house. All I have to do is point a finger at one of my in-laws and ask if they want to end up in financial trouble like them. Hopefully, my kids have seen enough examples of what not to be just like I had my brother's example of what not to be.