Im bewildered

[Angels&Airwaves]

I tried to have a long distance relationship before and it did not work in the slightest, we were both roughly the same age as me and whilst it was wonderful to begin with it become rather intolerably frustrating to the point where it ended badly and we have never spoken since and that was in the summer.

 

I came to find that the odd visit three, or four times a month (mainly at weekends) was not enough time spent with my girlfriend. Then there’s the economic implications of the long distance relationship which saw me slave myself to exhaustion just to spend a few days with her and then returning to my computer to speak to her on an instant messaging programme.

 

To me there was no intimacy or emotion in our instant messaging conversations and SMS texts, it’s not like writing a letter, there’s no personal emotion or feeling within computerized communication and in time these conversations became meaningless. It took a lot of courage for both of us to meet up and discuss where we should take things and in the end, we both felt it was better to end the relationship, we tried friendship but in the end I felt it was better to move on with my life and as a result I cut her out completely.

 

Long distance relationships are not for me and I guess your boyfriend now feels the same way as I did then. Maybe he wants more than just the odd visit for a few days and texts/phone conversations. He could have met someone more local who can give him all of the intimacy and affection he needs.

 

I believe long distance relationships can work, I have a friend who has dated his girlfriend for three years, they live about three hours away from each other, but it takes two special people to make it work and it has to feel right, but to me it didn’t feel right, so I won’t be entering one again.

 

All I can advise you to do is to let the smoke drift off and see what happens, but you might have to accept that you (through no fault of your own) couldn’t give your boyfriend enough comfort, love and affection because the distance restricted your access to each other.

[sweetdream]

now recieved txt from him saying " when i was with you i was the happiest ive been but it didnt happen life was against us perhaps it will all work out in the next life, i still feel its for the best for all of us even though its very hard at the moment i miss u all loads"

 

so

I replied "life is only against u if u let it be. and fate can only show u the right path and if u want things to happen its down to you to make them happen and you have got to make the most of and be happy in this life before worrying about the next"

 

then got Msg back saying "I agree, would help if i knew what i wanted, but never have"

 

so

I text back sayin "well you knew you didnt want me in your life u made that desicion and now I am getting on with mine"

 

got back "ok enjoy"

 

 

 

 

Edited March 2, 2008 by sweetdream

[TMichaels]

now recieved txt from him saying " when i was with you i was the happiest ive been but it didnt happen life was against us perhaps it will all work out in the next life, i still feel its for the best for all of us even though its very hard at the moment i miss u all loads"

 

so

I replied "life is only against u if u let it be. and fate can only show u the right path and if u want things to happen its down to you to make them happen and you have got to make the most of and be happy in this life before worrying about the next"

 

then got Msg back saying "I agree, would help if i knew what i wanted, but never have"

 

so

I text back sayin "well you knew you didnt want me in your life u made that desicion and now I am getting on with mine"

 

got back "ok enjoy"

 

Good for you, sweetdream, for calling him out. Sorry, he's spineless. Now, get moving and find your own happiness, and don't be sucked back into the "pity party" he's trying to throw for himself. You deserve better.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[sweetdream]

I feel really bad about doing that i cant seam to help thinking it was his way of starting to come back and that he may have needed my support over something

has he as never acutually said he didnt want to be with me its just always along the lines that its for the best and he seams to be genuinlly struggling with it

and i now feel that i have rejected him.

 

so i sent a msg saying as he donst know what he wants how about no contact for a month to see how he feels and then we talk properly face to face

 

to which he said sounds like a plan would be good to talk properly.

 

am i just reading between the lines and seeing what i want and hope? i dont know

Edited March 4, 2008 by sweetdream

[TMichaels]

am i just reading between the lines and seeing what i want and hope? i dont know

 

Guess you'll find out when you talk face-to-face. Which, BTW, is what several here suggested you do, early on.

 

Good luck to you, regardless.

 

Best,

TMichaels