kitty Posted June 30, 2003 Share Posted June 30, 2003 I've been with my husband for a few years, but I feel like I am undesirable. I feel like I always am the one who is initiating intamacy. I feel like I am working way too hard. Eveb when we were first together it seemed liked he doesn't have the same drive as other men. I know I am no model, but why do I not turn my own husband on? Yes Ive tried dressing sexy, tried setting the mood, asked him what he wants, but he is always "stresses" or "too tired" or he says he wants me but jsut cant. I understand those things from time to time, but its the majority of the time. I have found myself having a wandering eye and I dont want that. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Kitty, there is no cut-and-dried answer for your unique situation. I went thru something similar, and we went to counseling. There could be a million reasons for his "disinterest" and I will bet most of the reasons have to do with him and not with you. I strongly suggest some marriage counseling and physicals to see if there is a medical reason. Do it before this goes on for a long period of time because the longer this lasts, the more difficult it will be to overcome the reasons behind it. My husband and I have not had a physical relationship in over 12 years now. It started out similarly to what you described and by the time we found out the medical causes, the emotional pattern was firmly in place and that took a long time and lots of counseling to deal with. Now it's mostly a physical problem with him, but it's been so long for me and I had to suppress my feelings for so long, that I have no desire either. We have finally reached a point where it doesn't matter and we love each other totally and it seems like we love each other deeper and with more confidence without sex than if we were to have a sexual relationship. I know that doesn't make much sense. If I could go back in time (how many times and how many reasons we all feel like that!) I would get help right away and not have gone thru the years of emotional pain. Then again, I wonder if we had had a "normal" sexual relationship, would our marriage be as strong as it is today? Get to a doctor and get some counseling. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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