Who am I working for now. Me????

[onmyownagain]

I have a good job with a nice salary, good company car and pension etc. so have been able to afford nice things for my family and myself over the years.

 

Fast forward to now, wife and I not together. Daughter still living mainly with her.

 

Who am I working for now? Always worked hard for my family to give us nice things and security. What is the point of having a good job when some solicitor is going to snatch loads of it to give my stbxw when we finally get a divorce?

 

I am going into rented accomodation as wife is still in the house we own so money will be a lot tighter anyway.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Do things for you...

 

Simple as that. There is life after divorce you know this.

 

Focus now on your future.

 

It aint easy but you should always have a contingency plan! lol.

[Nomad1]

I know what you mean Onmyownagain, but it is a fact that men tend to do better financially post-divorce. Don't forget that your life will change. Embrace the change. It may get tough at the beginning but things should improve with time. What you need to do right now is to not look back and forge ahead. Work hard and play hard. Your Ex did you a favour. Start enjoying your new life.

 

Take care

 

Nomad1

[carhill]

Think of it this way. Money you can always make. Stuff you can always buy. Life has given you a gift; your daughter. Even though it may not seem this way now, life has given you a second gift; your past love for your wife and hers for you. Personally, I'd be thankful for those gifts and let my instincts drive my priorities. You know what they are; take some time away from the process to coalesce them. It will become clear.

 

Your work will have meaning again because your life will have meaning. It'll just be a different meaning. Too deep?

[Lishy]

Hey babe just work for ME!

 

Send me lots of nice goodies every month!

 

Hhahahha joke babe

 

You will work for YOU and your new life, you still have a daughter and you will soon have a new girlfriend to take out and a place to do up!

 

You sound good now, how do you feel?

[onmyownagain]

Hey babe just work for ME!

 

Send me lots of nice goodies every month!

 

Hhahahha joke babe

 

You will work for YOU and your new life, you still have a daughter and you will soon have a new girlfriend to take out and a place to do up!

 

You sound good now, how do you feel?

 

Hi Lishy,

 

Not feeling to bad, moving into my place next week and looking good, was selling my boats to free up money and going to join the gym again. But today she has texted me to tell me she is potentially going to get very ill. Just what I needed to hear!!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hi Lishy,

 

Not feeling to bad, moving into my place next week and looking good, was selling my boats to free up money and going to join the gym again. But today she has texted me to tell me she is potentially going to get very ill. Just what I needed to hear!!

 

She's trying to string you along do not reply to the texts.

 

If they are not about the kids or lawyer and legal stuff. Then keep NC.

 

Her getting sick, your shouldnt believe it until you see it.

[Lishy]

hmmmmmmm do you know what kind of illness she has?

 

How do you feel about this?

[onmyownagain]

Sha has a kidney transplant which looks like it might be in the first stages of rejection. Will lead to having to dialyse again, this time though she wont have me to lean on for support.

[carhill]

That's tough man. I empathize. Does she have blood family to give her emotional support during this difficult time? Any church or spiritual assistance?

 

Personally, I'd be torn...

 

What do your instincts tell you is right?

[onmyownagain]

That's tough man. I empathize. Does she have blood family to give her emotional support during this difficult time? Any church or spiritual assistance?

 

Personally, I'd be torn...

 

What do your instincts tell you is right?

 

She does have family, if it does go wrong for her then they will see just how hard it is to be the person supporting her.

 

My instincts tell me I have had a timely escape really. If I wasn't good enough for her when she was okay then I wont be going back when I am needed. Don't have mug written all over my face.

[carhill]

I'll bet you'll look at this later and realize how hard that was to say. Good on ya, mate. Stay true. How's your daughter handling things with her mom and this latest development? She's the reason (if I were in your shoes) I'd be torn....

[onmyownagain]

I'll bet you'll look at this later and realize how hard that was to say. Good on ya, mate. Stay true. How's your daughter handling things with her mom and this latest development? She's the reason (if I were in your shoes) I'd be torn....

 

She is okay, but doesn't realise what it will mean. She used to have to dialyse for four hours three times a week.

 

Really changed all our lives for many years until she got the transplant.

 

I do have room at the place I am moving into so could have my daughter all the time if needs be.

 

 

Still, I hope the stbxw is okay and they can save the kidney, that would be the best option really.

 

Although we are no longer together I don't want her to suffer.

[Chrome Barracuda]

My instincts tell me I have had a timely escape really. If I wasn't good enough for her when she was okay then I wont be going back when I am needed. Don't have mug written all over my face.

 

Just remember that, She didnt want you when you was there.

 

I would never forget that. Just take care of you and your kid, let her deal with that kidney sh** by herself, this is what she wanted.

[onmyownagain]

Cheers CB,

 

I had a really bad day yesterday, one of those days when you just don't know what to do with yourself. Didn't want to be home, didn't want to be at work, just wanted the day to be over.

 

Silly thing is, this has helped me a bit, she texted me probably hoping for god knows what, but what she got was me gaining focus.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah I have those days too, where I just want to sleep all day.

 

But I'm single so I'm just tired from working all the damn time. lol.

 

That's normal.

 

Why was she texting you? If it aint about the kids or lawyer stuff then stay NC, there's no need to have a conversation.

[Gunny376]

Per your original question ~ I'm working for me! With the exception of my marriage, and after my divorce, and my children? I've always been working for me?

 

I'm single by choice? To be honest? I just don't have the time, effort, energy, let alone the money to be wasting on first one woman and then another.

 

I'm all about quality, not quantity? Most people? Be they men for women ~ or women for men? Are a waste of my time?

 

Don't get me wrong? I'm not one of those that look down on other people? "But by the grace of God there go I?"

 

Men? Men (or at least most of them?) aren't looking for someone to "love" them? Men have to learn early own that they have to be emotionally self-sufficent. Men know that once their parents are gone? They're pretty much on their own.

 

Women? Women are looking for someone to "love" them. Women need to be appreciated, and dolted with attention. etc. Its women that looking for someone to "love" them? And they've got a lot of men into thinking that they're looking for or at least should be looking for the same thing!

 

But what men really are looking for? They're looking for someone that they can be successful at loving them! Its not so much that we need some woman to dolt over us, give, give, give, wait on us, fetch for us. You get with a woman that's doing all that? "RUN FORREST RUN!"

 

Your still on the "rollercoaster" The day will come when you not only will want to get off ~ you will get off the ride.

 

You'll be free! Free of the drama, the BS, the "mind-games" all of it?

 

Who are you working for? Yourself ~ and your DD, and hopefully? Your future grandchildren!

 

Your going through a transisition. You get to your new place? Start "sprucing" it up a bit, claiming your "space" getting things where and how you want them ~ it'll get better.

 

A couple of books you might want to read are:

 

"The Art of Living Single"

 

"Why Men Don't Have A Clue? And Women Need A New Pair of Shoes"

 

"Why Venus and Mars Collide"

 

As far as work goes? That's a tough one? Its like the old Johnny Paycheck song "Take This Job And Shove It!"

 

In which Johnny signs:

 

"The woman done left and took all the reason I was working for! So Take this job and shove it?"

 

For me? The really nice thing about being the otherside of all this divorce/seperation crap? I've got choices! I've got options! I get to choose what to put in? What to leave out? I get to choose where and when I want to go somewhere? I get to choose what I want to do? I get to choose if I want to get up? Or sleep in! Being single? You've got a lot of choices and options!

 

I'm eighteen years the otherside of my divorce ~ I gave it the best I had at the time, did the best I could at the time? In hindsight, there was Hell of a lot things about being married that I didn't have a clue about? There was definately a lot of "news I could have used"

 

But all-in-all? I'm better off without the Hex!

 

After I broke up with my last LTR GF ~ I swore that I wasn't going to be a "slave" to this BS! That I would learn how to be single, alone, and happy with myself!

[onmyownagain]

My dad spoke to her yesterday when he picked up my daughter from the house. She told him about her problem but said it nothing to worry about and she will be fine, just routine etc. So why the need to text me about it if it is nothing to worry about?

[topper3581]

Man i hear ya on the financial end of this. I make double of what my wife does and she decided to leave the marriage of 8 years and i found out about another guy afterwards. Now she has the house, temp full custody of my 4 year old daughter, and my lawyer tells me that i need to start paying $900 a month...a $100 more than one of her paycheks! But i just tell myself it is keeping a roof over my daughters head, food in her stomach, and clothes on her back...even if she does not spend it directly on that. Your one step ahead of me on getting an apartment, i am getting mine in a few months. I think life will be a lot easier when you finally get your own place and feel like you can start it all over. Life will go on...cheers!

[Gunny376]

Man i hear ya on the financial end of this. I make double of what my wife does and she decided to leave the marriage of 8 years and i found out about another guy afterwards. Now she has the house, temp full custody of my 4 year old daughter, and my lawyer tells me that i need to start paying $900 a month...a $100 more than one of her paycheks! But i just tell myself it is keeping a roof over my daughters head, food in her stomach, and clothes on her back...even if she does not spend it directly on that. Your one step ahead of me on getting an apartment, i am getting mine in a few months. I think life will be a lot easier when you finally get your own place and feel like you can start it all over. Life will go on...cheers!

 

 

SPARTIANS!

 

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVIING?

 

Raaaahhaaa! Raaahaaaa! Rahaaaaah

[Gunny376]

Man i hear ya on the financial end of this. I make double of what my wife does and she decided to leave the marriage of 8 years and i found out about another guy afterwards. Now she has the house, temp full custody of my 4 year old daughter, and my lawyer tells me that i need to start paying $900 a month...a $100 more than one of her paycheks! But i just tell myself it is keeping a roof over my daughters head, food in her stomach, and clothes on her back...even if she does not spend it directly on that. Your one step ahead of me on getting an apartment, i am getting mine in a few months. I think life will be a lot easier when you finally get your own place and feel like you can start it all over. Life will go on...cheers!

 

Back in "tha" day when I was paying so-called "Child Support" to the tune of several hundred dollars a month?

 

The ex-Hex was trading for new cars every two or three years? A Ford Explorer, a loaded out convertiable GT Mustand , a Jeep Cherokee yada ~ yada!

 

Now? That I'm pass all that? She's tooling around in a 88" Toyota Corola!

 

Guess Husband No. #3 can't tote the note trading up each year now that the child support check is gone?

 

Too bad! Too sad!

Edited February 24, 2008 by Gunny376

[Nomad1]

Well, it is a tough world out there. People only realise what they have lost when they are most vulnerable. On the other hand, you are her daughter's daddy and she wants you to be aware of the situation in the event there are complications.

 

Perhaps you could offer to have your daughter for a few weeks until she has recovered. It would be an opportunity for you and your daughter to spend time together.

 

Take care

 

Nomad1

[onmyownagain]

Well, it is a tough world out there. People only realise what they have lost when they are most vulnerable. On the other hand, you are her daughter's daddy and she wants you to be aware of the situation in the event there are complications.

 

Perhaps you could offer to have your daughter for a few weeks until she has recovered. It would be an opportunity for you and your daughter to spend time together.

 

Take care

 

Nomad1

 

Hi,

 

If it does go wrong it wont be a few weeks it might be for the rest of her life, which might not be too many years to be honest. Shame as she is only 34.

[topper3581]

SPARTIANS!

 

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVIING?

 

Raaaahhaaa! Raaahaaaa! Rahaaaaah

 

 

 

I get to pretend to be an IT Director all day. I'd rather pretend my wife didn't cheat on me and leave me but doesnt look like my imagination is that good.