Uncontrolable silly jealousy

[pinkfuzz]

Hi, i'm hoping someone can help me overcome my jealousy.

 

My jealousy is getting out of hand, i've been with my boyfriend just over a year and it wasnt until the middle of our relationship that it really kicked in.when i meet one of his friends partners as soon as he seen her he was basically happy and spent most of the night chatting away to her.

I didnt get on with her as when we were talking she was making little digs about him and his female friends being close anyway as you can guess i dont really like her as i thought it was rude the first time i meet her to be telling me how he hugs his female friends etc etc trying to make me jealous.

 

My boyfriend however took her side and said she didnt mean anything by it and that basically it was down to her drinking. But i meet her when she was sobber a few weeks after and she still made little digs.

 

I havent even seen her in months now but everytime he mentions her my blood boils up inside, then the other day he went with his mate (her partner) round theres for lunch to get away from work for a while and as soon as he told me that i was livid inside, my blood boiled inside as i invisioned them chatting and laughing together. The tipping point was when he told me her best mate (female) works at the same company and he knows her. I dont know why this upset me i started thinkin about HER trying to set him up with her best mate.

I absolutely hate the thought of him spending anytime with her even if her partners there.

 

I know it sounds silly but i cant help it, its not just even her its other female friends hes bumped into when out with me it makes me feel so uncomfortable and insecure to see him having a better time with another woman.

 

I dont know what to do, i know i cant carry on this way as its stressing me out and i feel tired all the time from worry.

 

I've even got to the stage where i want to tell him to stop talking to me about her but then i worry i wont know whether hes seen her or not.

Edited February 19, 2008 by pinkfuzz

[d2darow]

Hey there Pinkfuzz. Glad I read your post because I can relate. I'm quite the jealous cow myself and it's really awful having to feel so insecure all the time. I start losing my appetite and my entire day is ruined. My mood becomes bad, I take it out on family and friends. For instance, if she goes out with any of her male friends, one particular one was with her for a short period, but he still has a crush on her. Until she met me, then she said she wants to be with me not him, but they'll stay as friends.

He calls her, sms's her, calls her Princess etc. They hug when they meet all the usual stuff and it pisses me off.

When she's out with this guy for just a "drink" because he's in the neighborhood, I start imagining them walking together, holding hands, flirting with one another...

 

Now, I knw this has to stop. It's not healthy for the r'ship. Stop and ask yourself, am I really that insecure? Do I have such little trust for my partner? Do I lack so much in confidence?

You gotta learn to trust your partner, start being confident, and push all those negative thoughts aside (And trust me, I know it's easier said than done).

 

Because by being so jealous and paranoid, by throwing out false accuses, you're only jeopardizing the relationship. You're giving that other person more chance to crawl in and ruin everything.

 

So, be mature about it. Be cool, easy-going. Have trust in her. Believe in yourself, I'm sure you're a million times better then that other girl you're worried about. Once you manage to do all of this, you'll feel much much better and your r'ship will bloom.

 

I myself, am trying to do all of these. I want to trust my girl, be confident with myself, know that only I can show her what true love is and if it's meant to be, everything will be okay. Do not over react unless you have proof, if you find out that your partner has indeed been unfaithful to you and betrayed your trust, then you have the right to be jealous and insecure, but till then, do not jump to conclusions and dig your r'ship's own grave.

 

Confidence is the greatest attraction and once you master that, your man will be impressed on how okay you are with him talking to other girls and anything of that sort. By being insecure, it shows you have no confidence in yourself, you don't trust your partner and you're an emotional wreck.

[mylovegrowsdeeper]

"My boyfriend however took her side and said she didnt mean anything by it and that basically it was down to her drinking. But i meet her when she was sobber a few weeks after and she still made little digs."

 

The title of this post is uncontrollable silly jealousy. I don't think it is as at all, there's silly pointless jealousy and then there is being human and not being able to help the fact that your guy connects with another woman right in front of you.

 

Just recently I went through a bunch of REALLY difficult family events and I reached out to one of my best male friends. Now I can assure you there is no physical attraction there but he's like the brother I never had and has been in my life for several years. However, I reached out to him feeling like I needed someone to talk to and I felt my fiance wasn't understanding me. To me- I was just confiding in a friend. However, when my fiance expressed to me how much it bothered him that I was reaching out and confiding in another man I didn't defend my actions- I listened and made adjustments accordingly because I do not choose any other man in my life but the one I'm with, and while I understand this culture is very orientated towards male/female friendships, it can make our signifigant others feel well "insignifigant" and second place when we are coming to another man or woman over them. Some might call "well they are insecure" but my fiance made a point I had never seen nor thought of until then.

 

It saddens me to hear he's defending his actions and/or that girl, no wonder you're feeling betrayed..you are being betrayed!

[pinkfuzz]

Thanks for the replies. I know part of it is down to my insecurities as i always wonder why he is with me.

 

"It saddens me to hear he's defending his actions and/or that girl, no wonder you're feeling betrayed..you are being betrayed!"

 

thats exactly what i felt at the time betrayed actually i still do i feel like even if he'd admitted he didnt think she did it purposely he could have atleast considered my feelings i'd understand if i'd slagged her off but i didnt all i told him was i was upset and put out by her comments.

 

I dont know it does make me jealous that he thinks so much of her he seems to think the sunshines out of her backside by things he said after "oh she likes everyone" or when we were going to her house "oh she was going to cook for us" with this stupid grin on her face.

Even though it happened about 6 months ago (the first time i meet her) i just feel like i cant rely on him if he's going to keep putting other people (women) infront of me.