racial issues

[snoopygirl]

I have been dating a marvelous man for 6 months. He's amazing and wonderful and i'm completely blessed! I'm 23 and he's 27. the only problem is that my family doesn't really like him because he is of a different race than i am. I personally have no problem with it. He's wonderful and I can see myself loving him from now until forever! He doesn't have a problem with it either. Has anyone ever experienced a interracial relationship that has turned out really well?? do you have any advice to offer?

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Has anyone ever experienced a interracial relationship that has turned out really well??"

 

You can't let other people run your life. If you love someone, conduct yourself accordingly. As far as the pros and cons, they are the same for interracial relationships as they are for any other. I think there are still some prejudiced people you will have to encounter from time to time and, if you get married and have children, they may suffer the whims of some. However, you can get through it.

 

If I were you, I would date a very long time and make sure this is something that's going to last before you make a commitment of marriage. But it's you that has got to be in this relationship...you make your own decisions about it. Just keep your eyes open and take a cold shower once in a while so you can be sure you're seeing the details.

[Bonzai007]

My teacher once told me a story about something like this...her and her sister are both all Italian and theyre parents told them they must marry Italians. Well my teacher did, but her sister did not. So, she got married to an African American man and they were happy as could be....But the girls father (my teachers father too) never spoke a word to his son-in-law. Until he was on his deathbed, and he said to his Son in law...you make me and my daughter proud....God bless your heart.....So all of his life the father did look up to this man because he made his daughter happy and she was in love....sometimes parents dont see what their children see in some people....but just talk to them and Go n-eiri an t-adh leat! (good luck in Gaelic)

 

 

 

BoNzAi

[Jamie31]

I have to ask - what race are you and what race is he? It seems that the most frowned upon interracial relationships are black men and white women.

 

I have no advice to offer you, because I never really have to deal with interracial relationships. I don't have any friends in them, and I have never been in one. But all I can say is follow your heart and go with what feels right. Don't live your life trying to live up to other's expectations instead of your own. In the end, you will only make yourself unhappy. You can't please everyone. Just make yourself happy. If he's the one, go for it.

[longlegzs80]

I think if you are happy with this guy whether he is white, black, chines, whatever, if he treats you well then keep going with the relationship. Tell your family "Would you rather have me date a guy who beats me, or is not respectful?"

 

 

Race is not a big issue. I know it is a big issue in my family too, and I just go with my feelings. If someone treats me with respect, is honest and trustworthy and there is alot of chemistry I don;t see the problem.

 

Your family should see that this guy makes you happy and he is a great guy. Your family is just going to have to accept that their little girl is dating someone of a different race.

[BadGirl2003]

Originally posted by longlegzs80

I think if you are happy with this guy whether he is white, black, chines, whatever, if he treats you well then keep going with the relationship. Tell your family "Would you rather have me date a guy who beats me, or is not respectful?"

 

 

Race is not a big issue. I know it is a big issue in my family too, and I just go with my feelings. If someone treats me with respect, is honest and trustworthy and there is alot of chemistry I don;t see the problem.

 

Your family should see that this guy makes you happy and he is a great guy. Your family is just going to have to accept that their little girl is dating someone of a different race.

 

I agree with everything longlegz said. Coming from someone that has been in a interracial relationship and have liked guys that's a different race than me, I have to say I'm very happy that my family doesn't have problems with me dating other races. If you truly love this guy and want to be with him don't let your families views stop you from seeing this guy.

 

I have to ask - what race are you and what race is he? It seems that the most frowned upon interracial relationships are black men and white women.

I don't think it matters if you are a white women or black women with a white man or black man, people will always frown on you if you with a person that's a different race than your own. I don't let people that doesn't know me get to me, I just ignore them and continue to be happy.

[rubgirl202]

The question is: Are you happy with him? Your answer: yes, I can love him forever. Then, that's all that matters, Sweetie. You are not your mother nor your father, nor is he his parents. Being concerned with race is such a topical and simplistic thing.

For the record, I'm black, by husband white. I can't really say that race was ever an issue. We've never had huge discussions about race and what our parents think, etc. Our discussions have been about the world and how we can help others...stuff that really matters!!

I've met his parents and they adore me. I'm their daughter too. My mother has met him (my father passed, but he would have been the coolest too-because he taught me that it was what's inside that matters) and she adores him-he's her son. So...perhaps it's your job to enlighten your folks a bit...after a few years, the fact that he's a different race is not going to matter...they're going to have to go deeper than that to find something wrong with him.

When you're on your deathbed, what kind of regrets are you gonna have? You'll be pissed if you let your parents ruin a good thing for you!

[heyjude]

Hey,

 

Im also in a multiracial relationship, but we don't have different skin colours, but are from different religions. We are both fine about this, as are my parents, but his parents will not even let me into his house, or let him mention my name. They want him to marry a Jewish woman, and have Jewish children. We've got a great relationship but he also wants to marry a Jewish woman. The point of this is not to moan about all my problems, but just to say that all the advice given is great, and it is totally about the relationship between the two people, and not what you parents or anyone thinks. I'm still hopeful that if we felt ready, he would marry me no matter what.

[jalexy]

is religion even a race ????

 

anyways, i am white and the guy i am dating is filipino, and the last guy i dated was vietnamese. they both are very nice....my family was fine with it.

if my parents were not ok with it, i would have a problem too. but you know they dont live your life.......

you make your own life yours........good luck.

[Dragonfly]

I am white, and have dated men of different races. Not all of my friends or family agreed with it, but they allowed me to make my own decisions.. When it came down to it, they just wanted me to be happy, no matter what the race of the other person.

 

Some people pay attention to the superficial aspects of a couple, while some look to see the happiness or compatibility. If this man makes you happy, then be comfortable in that, and hopefully others will see that as well. Just continue the relationship, and see where it leads you. If you encounter trouble along the way, justify it by showing others how much you enjoy this man being part of your life.

[turtle]

This is such a diverse country. Why would anybody put up barriers against another race? It's silly. If your family can't accept you dating somebody of a different race, then that's their problem for being so prejudiced. Don't sweat it - do what makes you happy.

[heyjude]

yes, judaism is a race!

[brownsuga]

I use to really hate to see interracial couples -- mainly black men with white women. And this was because I didn't see much of it growing up. Actually, I don't understand why I held these views early on in the college, when my uncle is white and bestfriend was multiracial. Anyway, I changed my opinion quickly after I became close friends with a couple girls in college who were or had dated black men. I then understood that color doesn't matter and it's up to each of our "heart's desire". I stopped looking at color over 10 years ago, honestly and just see people as "people". Because of this, I was able to fall in love with a GREAT guy who turned out to have all the qualifies I prayed for. He is bi-racial (mother black, father white). I am African-American. The funny thing about it, although he looks more white, I NEVER thought about his color. I was surprised when he told me after three-weeks of dating that he was bi-racial. I think I assumed he was just white, but know I really never even thought about it until he mentioned it. COLOR TRULY DOESN'T MATTER So DON"T LIMIT THEIR HEARTS.

 

I get the stares from people and stupid questions and comments from family members about his 'color'. But, it doesn't matter to me because he (a good man) is the one I will be spending my life with-- not those with can't see pass the outside of a person enough to learn about the what really matters --the heart and mind.

[Troll leader]

Snoopy your 23 make your own decisions dont let your family run your life

[moimeme]

people will always frown on you if you with a person that's a different race than your own

 

God, I hope not.

[rush]

it does'nt matter what family thinks or people think if you both got feelings for each other more power to ya i wish everybody could love everybody no matter what race or color because in my eyes there's only one race and that's the human race. goodluck and god bless

[stefany2]

Don't sweat being concerned with your parents. I am from a very close knit family. It matters 100% what my family thinks and feels about things in my life. But after a talk with my mom (the iron fist in my family) I learned somethimg so enlightening.

 

We were talking about how my friend's parents will not talk with her because she has been open with them about being a lesbian. Then my mom told me how her parents didn't talk to her for awhile because she was to marry my father and he was a hippy and she was pregnant.

 

After a long discussion I told her I can't care if she decides not to like what I do in life but I feel she will always love me and that even if she feels she isn't going to talk to me I will still talk to her, because I love her anyways.

 

She laughed at me and told me she could never not talk to me either no matter what. And that while somethings I do she may be weary of or not think is the best thing for me that this is life and we are just trying to live it the best each of us can.

 

And sometimes parents may try to disown or quit talking to a child just because the parent knows that they made it through life doing it the way they did it and they are scared when we choose different paths that they will not be able to help us or guide us and may be unsure if the path we choose can get us through life.

 

So your parents may react poorly just because they will be scared of what is ahead in life for you...because you are traveling a path they have not gone down. And if you think about it they taught us almost everything we know about life. And when we were younger if they told us no we listened but the older we get the more we decided what we will do and what we will not do with less and less advice from them. They loose controle.

 

So really the issue will not be that they don't like him because of his race (this is america a melting pot of culture) the issue more than likely is their lack of knowledge to guide you and help you.

 

Maybe you should talk with your parents a heart to heart about life and all the issues that may accure.

 

I found out a lot this past weekend. Your parents are just human trying to get through life still also. I have always thought of humans and life like fish outta water. We are all just flopping around kind of aimlessly in life. No one knows everything but we all try to do what we think will work for us.

 

If dating a guy of another race is the only worry you have consider yourself blessed. I know I am.

[serenity]

i have been in a few interracial relationship, 2 of my children are mixed race and i guess i alway been lucky in the fact that my family do not judge others by their skin colour or anything - i always been raised to respect that everyone is an individual and we all equal

 

I am married now to a Turkish guy which also doesnt worry them

 

i say go with your heart, its your life and your choice and good luck

[tabbico]

No, Judiasm is a religion. A race is a social construct based on salient characteristics (salient to the group determining the religion). Most human "races" are based are superficial characteristics such as skin color. There is actually more genetic diversity within a "race" than between races.

[iceprincess]

Hi, there! A lot of people here have already said a lot of things that I would say to you. The most important thing right now, is your happiness.

 

This is your life, don't let others live it for you. If he loves you, respects you, makes compromises with you, treats you the way YOU want to be treated, then go ahead and do whatever you want!

 

I come from a very old-fashioned oriental family, and when I dated my hispanic ex-bf for over a year, they freaked out. It wasn't like I was planning to date out of my race, but that was just how things happened.

 

He came along, and we clicked. My relationship was very frowned upon, but I didn't care because I knew that I was doing nothing wrong. I'm a full time student, I work part-time, I kept up my grades, I'm responsible, honest, and dedicated.

 

Don't let other people's thoughts interfere with your decision. Be happy.

[KRISTIE]

Wow reading your post, i feel im not the only one going thru the same thing. Im asian and dating an east Indian guy. We've been together for 2 years and let me say it been the best two years of my life. He is so great, treat me with love and respect and so caring. he also comes from a good family background, well paying job, finished college, and is on the right track in life. WE always talk about marriage and our future together. I love this guy so much. Still, my dad doesnt like him and wont approve of him or even give him a chance ONLY because of his race. I was very sick and disgusted when he told me that. It hurts me to have to choose between the love of my life and family. My dad said he is embarrassed to introduce my bf to his friends and what everybody else will think. My dad and his friends are very old school and didnt grow up with colored people. Doesn't my happiness matter more than that? My bf was very upset when i told him about this but has been very understanding and willing to make it happen. I've kind of kept this relationship a secret but one day he will have to accept it no matter what because i've been a good daughter and i'm with a guy who treats me well instead of someone who beats me up or use me. But what i'm saying is, follor ur heart , and life is too short to be worried about little things like race. If God made us all why cant we learn to love each other equally. We're all the same inside once we strip away the outer layer. I cant believe it, it's already 2004 and people are still very racist. but yeh all the best of luck to u and hope ur relationship works out and your family learns to accept him. I just wanted to share my story with u to tell u that ur not alone and I'm going thru the same thing.

[morrigan]

I live in a pretty rural area, and a number of locals aren't thrilled about interracial dating. One of my sister's ex-boyfriends was a black guy from a larger city--whenever he visited us, you had to see the stares. Ridiculous. But neither my mom nor I had any problems with it. There are nice people and there are a**h***s of every race.

 

Tell your familly right out that they need to keep their prejudices to themselves, and that they should at the least try to treat your bf the way they would want your bf's family to treat you. They only should be concerned if this guy is abusive, domineering, or has any drug or criminal problems. They need to at least make the effort to be polite to him, if they can't do this, I wouldn't visit at their home.