What are common goals in a realtionship?

[nashua]

Hi,

 

As many of you may know, i am in realtionship with a man 29 years older than me. We've been together over 3 years, and for the most part...its been good.

 

Last night we were talking about common goals for a lasting relationship. Since we have such an age difference, he is afraid of not having common goals. Common goals are typically marriage, kids, housing. What if you don't want kids, already have a house and marriage isn't really that important?

 

I feel like our common goal is to be nurturing of our relationship. Additionally, I am going back to school for my Master's degree in order to make something of myself. He is still working and has no immediate plans on retiring. By the time I finish school, he might be ready to retire, in which case I will be ready to leave the city and settle down a bit and sink my teeth into my new career. Our common goal could be to find a new location where he wants to retire and where i want to open my own practice.

 

I guess I'm just looking to find out what common goals are out there besides marriage, and kids. Isn't just being together common goal enough?

 

We have very similar interests, have a decent sex life, love to do the same things, snuggle like a child and her teddy bear, and we are just good together.

 

What are some common goals we can consider to pursue?

[EnigmaXOXO]

I guess I'm just looking to find out what common goals are out there besides marriage, and kids. Isn't just being together common goal enough?

 

Of course it can be. Especially when two people are content with things just the way they are and aren’t looking for any drastic changes. Sometimes happiness and fulfillment is a present state of mind.

 

As for us, we “dream” just like any other couple. Dream of being able to retire early and spend more time pursuing our hobbies. Always buying lottery tickets hoping to cash in and travel the world together one day. We talk about all the improvements we would make to our home if we had the resources and time ... and have even proudly tackled a few of those together on our own. He talks about his dream of escaping the desk job and turning a profit flipping houses instead. Me ... I just want to continue expanding my home business so I never have to worry about driving in rush hour traffic or dealing with office politics again. We dream about where we’d like to move when we retire one day ... and talk about how we’d run this country differently if anyone were stupid enough to leave one of us in charge.

 

But all in all we’re just really happy with things the way they are here. Peaceful and stress free for the most part. Then again, we’ve worked really hard to eliminate most of the stress factors that a lot of couples are dealing with. And both of us share similar natures in that we don’t like change unless it’s for the better. So if things remained the same from here on out, we’d still die poor but happy campers.

[nashua]

Of course it can be. Especially when two people are content with things just the way they are and aren’t looking for any drastic changes. Sometimes happiness and fulfillment is a present state of mind.

 

As for us, we “dream” just like any other couple. Dream of being able to retire early and spend more time pursuing our hobbies. Always buying lottery tickets hoping to cash in and travel the world together one day. We talk about all the improvements we would make to our home if we had the resources and time ... and have even proudly tackled a few of those together on our own. He talks about his dream of escaping the desk job and turning a profit flipping houses instead. Me ... I just want to continue expanding my home business so I never have to worry about driving in rush hour traffic or dealing with office politics again. We dream about where we’d like to move when we retire one day ... and talk about how we’d run this country differently if anyone were stupid enough to leave one of us in charge.

 

But all in all we’re just really happy with things the way they are here. Peaceful and stress free for the most part. Then again, we’ve worked really hard to eliminate most of the stress factors that a lot of couples are dealing with. And both of us share similar natures in that we don’t like change unless it’s for the better. So if things remained the same from here on out, we’d still die poor but happy campers.

 

 

Enigma,

 

This is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes (although I've been crying all day for other reasons). Its so honest and so simple. I love that you dream together. I just hope one day me and mine are okay with the minimal of you and yours. I dont mean that in a bad way, i just hope my man overcomes trying to find the stereotypical common goals and find them in such simple things as dreaming. He and I will never have the family, or the house or maybe even the marriage.

 

He and I travel together, we go out to lve theatre/music/dance together. Are common interests the same as common goals? My goal with him is to just be together. Travel more. Maybe buy a house eventually (when I can actually contribute financially).

 

Thanks for this.

[Tomcat33]

Common goals are the aspirations two people have together that help them grow as a couple as well as individuals.

Yes in a way it is the nurturing of each other or relationship, through some activity that is shared.

 

But simply being together is not common goal enough because a relationship must not stagnate it must progress in order for it to sustain a level of interest that keeps things fresh, alive and interesting. When you share life projects together you are constantly learning about one another and you are growing not only as a pair but you help your love for one another grow too.

As the old saying goes:

 

"The couple that plays together stays together"

[EnigmaXOXO]

I just hope one day me and mine are okay with the minimal of you and yours.

 

I think what one considers to be of true value in life is in the eyes of the beholder. A lot of people by nature are just restless and hard to satisfy. Especially when you’re young, just starting out, and trying to figure out who you are and where you’re going. But sometimes we can get so caught up in the “what’s next” or “the next step” that we forget to just stop and enjoy where we already are.