GoTigersGo1977 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 In August of last year i found out that my wife of 6 years had been having an affair with a co-worker of hers, after the initial shock of everything we decided to give it a go again and work on things. Well in December I found some very graphic e-mails that they both were sending to each other and found out that they had still been seeing each other. From that time on it has been a complete roller coaster, some days are much better than others, our sex life is practically non-existent, we were very active before. We have both seen lawyers to see what our rights are, I think she wants a divorce but won't file and I have no desire to get one, I still love her with all of my heart and we have a 3 year old son together and I don't want to look down the road in a few years and regret what we did not knowing that we tried everything we could. We did go to marriage counseling and I don't think it was good for either of us. She admits to flirting with people and I found an e-mail yesterday to another guy. Should I just cut my losses and let her go? She is willing to give me full custody of our son. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 YES, run! She's not willing to give up her affair or stop flirting with other men, you tried marriage counseling, you have no sex life, and she's giving you full custody of your son. What is there to stay FOR? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 buddy she's ho'd on you 2x(that you know of) shows no respect for you or your marriage. time to kick to the curb. great that you'll have your son . Link to post Share on other sites
LOVE DAISIES Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Awwww... this is horrible for you (((hugs))))). I wish i could offer you some positive advice but based on what you said I think you deserve much better than this. Don't you? I know you don't want yor marriage to fail...but what options do you have? To stay with someone who contunually hurts you? Normally i would say try to save your relationship, but it seems as if she has already made up her mind that this marriage is not where she wants to be. On a positive note..it is good that she is willing to give you custody of your son. It sounds like at least he will be with the more stable parent (you) and right now the needs of the child are above all else. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 how old are you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoTigersGo1977 Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 thanks for the advice. It's hard to say what I am staying for at this point, I know that I deeply love my wife and from talking with her she is confused about what she wants out of life. Like I said it is a total roller coaster. I am on anti-depressants and it has really helped me cope with the situation, I think if she would quit shooting herself in the foot constantly and try to dive deeper into her issues she would be a much happier person and I would like to think our marriage could get back on track and plus I look at my son everyday and wonder how he will handle everything, it is an extremely difficult position to be in, I want to be there for him, her and myself and it is hard. I feel like I am the only one trying while she figures herself out. She said she will seek out individual therapy and I hope and pray she does. BTW, I am 30 and she is 29. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 thanks for the advice. It's hard to say what I am staying for at this point, I know that I deeply love my wife and from talking with her she is confused about what she wants out of life. Like I said it is a total roller coaster. I am on anti-depressants and it has really helped me cope with the situation, I think if she would quit shooting herself in the foot constantly and try to dive deeper into her issues she would be a much happier person and I would like to think our marriage could get back on track and plus I look at my son everyday and wonder how he will handle everything, it is an extremely difficult position to be in, I want to be there for him, her and myself and it is hard. I feel like I am the only one trying while she figures herself out. She said she will seek out individual therapy and I hope and pray she does. BTW, I am 30 and she is 29. Has she ended her affair? You have NOTHING to work with if she is still seeing him, especially since she is also flirting with other guys even as we speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoTigersGo1977 Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 Yes the affair has stopped! That I am sure of. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Yes the affair has stopped! That I am sure of. You thought it ended before. How do you know for sure now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoTigersGo1977 Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 Well honestly I did have my suspicions after the first time. The guy and his wife were "friends" of ours and we would do stuff with them all the time. After the second time I confronted him and they threatened a restraining order on my wife and I think that opened her eyes that it needed to stop and that he and his wife were ready to move on. Now the new flirting is just her way of refilling that void that was left by him. And I called her on that before anything could happen, my life and my wife are a total mess! Link to post Share on other sites
HenryII Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I think u are going to have to accept the fact that she does not want this life style. Marriage. What u are holding on to is the idea of family. Your son is young and will get on qiuckly. U on the other hand will have a very tuff time. I have been through it and it takes a long time to fall out of love. Don't beat yourself up over feeling it is your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoTigersGo1977 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Well she kept her word, she is going to some individual therapy with the Samaritan group here in town today. I think it is a positive step for her and hopefully our family, I am also reading "Save the Marriage" by Lee Baucom, it is helping me understand relationships better. Link to post Share on other sites
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