EllaDerSpin Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 I'm sure you have got some excellent advice here which I have not read. I just want to add, that when everything feels out of control, it is best to start with the things you can control. Think holistically. If your mind feels bad, get your body healthy first, as it is hard to help a bad mind with a bad mind. It is easier to make healthy diet choices etc. Work on the spirit, by meditating, yoga having faith in something. When everything feels good inside, the outside becomes a reflection of that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 It's called Zyban. Yes, yes!!! Why did I forget that? Well, the Wellbutrin has really helped me cut back on smoking. It just sort of happened! Sometimes I go for a few days and I realize- hmmm.... I haven't had an urge for a smoke in a while. Yes, break the alcohol first, then work on the cigs. I know for sure that I need to start with the body and that other things will slowly fall into place. It's like spinning in a circle. You feel so down, it zaps your energy and makes you feel even more down because you're not doing anything.... then finding the motivation to get up again is really tough. I am having a better understanding of how I have used mini relationships as bandaids. I remember I was feeling so lonley and sad before x-mas... that is when that young 22 year old started messaging me relentlessly on plenty of fish until I gave in and struck up a friendship with him. Within the week we were talking everyday- msn, texting, phone calls...then we started hanging out and keeping each other company. During that time I felt healed from my depression.... but I wasn't, I was just masking it. I look back now and I know our tryst was a facade. I have struggled with contacting him the last couple days, but I realize I want to do it to use it as my habitual bandaiding cure. I didn't contact, and I am not going to. That's why giving up the alcohol is a very good thing.... my inhibitions aren't lowered, and because of that I am thinking with a clear head...and that clearer head stops me from doing dumb things. Link to post Share on other sites
EllaDerSpin Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 I really do know the men and escapism thing. It has been most of my last relationships, and I haven't ever really met anyone who I loved. I feel good at first and think it is because I am in love, but then I realise I'm not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 I guess the bottom line is that until things are right within us... being able to date in a healthy manner is difficult to do. Another night out tonight where I just sipped on one beer and kept it at that. I am beginning to like this feeling of control over my consumption. I even have a 12 pack in my fridge that my friends left here before we went out tonight... and I am just sitting here not feeling like I want to crack one open. I am happy about that. I am also very happy that I don't feel like texting or e-mailing my ex. Guaranteed...if I had been drunk- I would have reached out to him tonight. I'm still feeling teary eyed and low.... but not as bad as I was when I began this post. Link to post Share on other sites
SadShamrock Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Hey D-Lish, I just wanted to add my well wishes to you. We have not corresponded much, but you have posted on a few of my threads when I was down in the dumps about my ex. You were always encouraging and always helped to make me feel better. So I just wanted to say that I hope you are feeling better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Gala Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 D-Lish - I am so sorry to hear that this is happening in your life. Just the loss of one's business on its own is a substantial blow...and unfortunately, guys in their early 20's generally can't be that emotionally supportive. It does sound like you are headed in the right direction. I was 36 before I really understood that setbacks are an ordinary part of life. Given that I grew up as an overachiever, this was a tough lesson. I am not sure I can be all that eloquent on what they do for us...but I've had some truly difficult things happen the last few years, and I think they've made me stronger. One thought on your attraction to guys in this age range - do you think that one element might be a beyond-conscious wish to revisit/repeat the age you were when you were first with your ex-husband? Something to think about, at least. You will be in my thoughts...bon courage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 D-Lish - I am so sorry to hear that this is happening in your life. Just the loss of one's business on its own is a substantial blow...and unfortunately, guys in their early 20's generally can't be that emotionally supportive. It does sound like you are headed in the right direction. I was 36 before I really understood that setbacks are an ordinary part of life. Given that I grew up as an overachiever, this was a tough lesson. I am not sure I can be all that eloquent on what they do for us...but I've had some truly difficult things happen the last few years, and I think they've made me stronger. One thought on your attraction to guys in this age range - do you think that one element might be a beyond-conscious wish to revisit/repeat the age you were when you were first with your ex-husband? Something to think about, at least. You will be in my thoughts...bon courage. Yes, I totally do think that I am going back in time and trying to relive things I think I might have missed out on. I was always pretty average looking- and I never had a dating phase... I met my ex husband after having been in two long term relationships prior to him. After the divorce, I lost a ton of weight, changed my appearance completely, and suddenly started getting male attention I hadn't experienced when I was younger. SO, I sure do think I am re-visiting things I think I missed out on in my earlier years. None of it has been fulfilling though. I am so on board with making some major changes. Thanks for all the words of encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 After the divorce, I lost a ton of weight, changed my appearance completely, and suddenly started getting male attention I hadn't experienced when I was younger. Very impressive, D. It takes a lot of will-power and determination to make such big changes in one's life. Good for you! If you did it then, you can do it know. I know you can. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
Gala Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 D-Lish - Sorry not to respond sooner...I can kind of relate to where you're at. I wasn't married in my 20's, so I stumbled my way through various adventures with men, both appropriate and less so. But I'd say that for years I was somewhat above average looking...then I got thinner over time, and after moving to the East Coast in my early 30's I suddenly became a size 4. This trend has continued, and it is astonishing how differently one is treated for changes that in some ways aren't that dramatic! And it doesn't just come from men... And yet...some of the same insecurities are there, and so many of the defenses. The same history is there, too. I spend some of my time teaching college students, and I see all the growth that is still happening with them but is not yet complete. In any case, I hope that things continue to look up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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