Insecurity sucks

[dani_girl33]

I have always been insecure about my body. It's just so terribly difficult to get motivated and then to stay motivated because the weight doesn't come off instantly.

I think that this really affects my relationships because I always put myself down. When my boyfriend says that he likes seeing me naked..and I laugh and say u like looking at the rolls of fat. He always says I'm not fat and he loves me the way I am. I believe he loves me, but hell, I think I look like a whale.

I read that making fat comments about yourself really does affect the relationship, because guys just don't like hearing their women put themselves down like that, or point out flaws, because most of the time they don't even see those flaws.

I don't know what to do.

How do I motivate myself and keep myself motivated?

I really need to improve on myself and the way I see myself. And I think the only way I can do this is by losing the weight so that when I look in the mirror, I love what I see. Because I really don't love what I see right now.

Help. Suggestions. Insight.

[Replicant]

It probably bothers your boyfriend when he could very well be paying you a very genuine compliment and you turn around and shoot it down with negative comments against yourself. At that point there is nothing he can really say that hasn't overshadowed what he said originally aka..you've killed the moment.

 

To answer your question....Possibly getting involved in active sports with your boyfriend would be a means of including him into the picture to help motivate you, same with a fitness membership. I'm sure if he cares he would support this very well and that is likely the motivation you need if you cannot rely on your own will power alone.

[mental_traveller]

Stop putting yourself down, it's not fair on your boyfriend, and it doesn't do yourself any good either.

 

As for losing weight, the best way to do it is simply to eat healthy food (avoid junk food) and then take up some activity that gives reasonable exercise and which you enjoy for its own sake. Then you will be doing it for fun even if the weight is not coming off at first. Hitting the gym is IMO the *worst* way to exercise, because it's so darn boring. Try something like squash, tennis, swimming, martial arts etc.

 

Also have you considered maybe your boyfriend prefers you as you are? If you lose a lot of weight and become skinny, he might not be attracted to you anymore.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I understand that insecurities about your body is natural, we all have them. Its how you deal with them that matters.

 

If you're unhappy with your body, it doesn't mean that your boyfriend is. If he wants to compliment you, let him! Accept it graciously. By disagreeing with him, you re-inforcing the notion that you're not attractive (according to you) and asking him to analyse too! Its up to him what he finds attractive, and luckily, you're it.

 

And I find that walking - EVERYWHERE - keeps me toned, thin and not needing to waste my life in a miserable gym

[D-Lish]

There isn't a person walking the face of the earth without an insecurity.

 

Many, many women have the body issue insecurity. I was sitting across the table from my beautiful friend tonight and she was lamenting about how she was unhappy with her weight (she's 140 lbs, 5'8, and beautiful). I am sure your boyfriend thinks the same way I do when my friend puts herself down.... and that's just "wow, this person doesn't see themselves the way I see them".

 

Yes, confidence is really attractive. If he says he loves your body- trust me, he loves your body. But I do agree that it is you that has to learn to love your body.

 

If you truly think you have to lose a bit of weight to feel better- then get on board with a more active and healthy lifestyle. Enlist your bf to come on board with that so you can be active together.

 

I managed to lose more than 50 lbs after my divorce. Sure, the motivation was partially due to being too stressed to eat as much as I was used to.... but eventually, once I saw the weight coming off I kept up with it and joined a gym and started eating healthier and then more weight came off. You just have to find your own motivation and stick with it.

 

Remember- he means it when he says he loves your body.

Simply losing weight doesn't mean you'll have more confidence- you have to work it both inside and out.

 

My Sister in law is over 200lbs...and my brother loves her to death. She struts around like a goddess- and because she sees herself that way, everyone else does too. I think she's beautiful.... my brother has never been happier.

 

Listen to him though- when he says he loves how you look. He means it.

[dani_girl33]

Thanks everybody for all the support. I appreciate you writing. I am definitely on track to a better, healthy lifestayle. I am trying to exercise and eat better. Boy its tough. What a pain. But it'll be worth it I'm sure.

[MimiMe]

Start looking from the inside out... and all those flaws that you see will disminish.

Stop putting his compliments down or you will end like another poster here that was complaining about her BF not giving her any compliments at all. some women will kill for their SO to acknowledge their physical beauty.

 

This world IS complexed!

[MimiMe]

There isn't a person walking the face of the earth without an insecurity.

 

Many, many women have the body issue insecurity. I was sitting across the table from my beautiful friend tonight and she was lamenting about how she was unhappy with her weight (she's 140 lbs, 5'8, and beautiful). I am sure your boyfriend thinks the same way I do when my friend puts herself down.... and that's just "wow, this person doesn't see themselves the way I see them".

 

Yes, confidence is really attractive. If he says he loves your body- trust me, he loves your body. But I do agree that it is you that has to learn to love your body.

 

If you truly think you have to lose a bit of weight to feel better- then get on board with a more active and healthy lifestyle. Enlist your bf to come on board with that so you can be active together.

 

I managed to lose more than 50 lbs after my divorce. Sure, the motivation was partially due to being too stressed to eat as much as I was used to.... but eventually, once I saw the weight coming off I kept up with it and joined a gym and started eating healthier and then more weight came off. You just have to find your own motivation and stick with it.

 

Remember- he means it when he says he loves your body.

Simply losing weight doesn't mean you'll have more confidence- you have to work it both inside and out.

 

My Sister in law is over 200lbs...and my brother loves her to death. She struts around like a goddess- and because she sees herself that way, everyone else does too. I think she's beautiful.... my brother has never been happier.

 

Listen to him though- when he says he loves how you look. He means it.

 

 

D-Lish ^^^^ is SMOKING!

[AAlike]

To OP:

 

You definitely need to work on this issue.

 

If you yourself feel like you should lose weight, then by all means, go ahead and do it, that's obviously a good thing!

 

HOWEVER, you really need to separate that desire from the dynamic of your relationship. Apparently my current girlfriend gained about 10 pounds in the six months or so before I met her and has put on another 10 since we've been dating - and this affected a lot of stuff with us in the early going. Granted, I am not a big fan of skinny women (I was a hip-hop kid growing up, I like my derrieres, what can I say), and I think that the 20 lbs if anything helped matters, but she was constantly telling me how she "used to be hotter" and doesn't feel attractive anymore etc. etc - I'm not sure if this was supposed to make me think that better things were in store or whatever, but in reality, that stuff, even subconsciously, can go to your head after a while...you almost start believing it. plus, it just gets annoying if everytime you try and compliment her she acts like you're lying or embellishing.

 

as d-lish pointed out, there are many layers to sexuality, and physical attractiveness is only one of them. How a girl carries herself is a huge determinant of whether she is sexy to me. Plus, once you're in a relationship and have hit a level of sexual comfort where you start to know each other's bodies and how they "fit" so to speak, a few pounds here or there really doesn't matter anyway. So I've told my girlfriend time and time again, while I completely support any efforts that she would make to lose weight that I certainly am not put off by her current appearance nor would i be if she gained another 10 lbs, I completely understand why SHE would want to reverse this trend but I'd be cool with it anyway. and once she regained confidence in herself, it made all aspects of our relationship work better.