forrest Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Perhaps before I ask my question(s) I should give some background info. I am 23 and have 0 experience with girls (I am really shy). I've gone to clubs and chatted with (few) girls. Now this girl that i like I've known for a few years. I met her in person several years ago one time. She lives on the other side of the US, so that was the only time I've seen her in person until recently. We talked over aim for a bit, but I kinda stopped using aim in the last couple of years. So about 6 months ago I find out that she moved to a university only about an hour and a half away from where I live. And what a coincidence, my job sends me out of state for three of those months . Anyways, to make a long story short. I was able to see her recently. We've met up twice and we both had a lot of fun. I paid for dinner, movie and stuff but it wasn't really a date or anything. The last second time we met up, I gave her flowers and candy, and later on I told her that I liked her. Her response was that she wasn't sure about how she felt. So what does that mean? Does she not like me "that" way and wants to just remain friends? Without hurting my feelings? Or did I kinda rush things a bit too quickly considering it was only our second time hanging out? sorry, I just dont know these things. Link to post Share on other sites
bobby shashastra Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I think you may have come on a little too strong there. Take a step back and focus on getting to know her better first. Chances are what she said means that she doesn't like you "that way" but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But in the off chance that she meant that she really doesn't know how she feels her feelings will become apparent the more time she spends with you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 You were honest and a gentleman. Leave it as it is and ring her up in a couple weeks or as circumstances permit. Her response will be telling. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, IMO. Think of it this way. When the right woman comes along (not saying this isn't happening), being who you are naturally will be what attracts her ultimately. Been there, done that half a lifetime ago and still happy I was (and still am) a gentleman. I agree with the prior poster about perception (coming on strong), hence my advice to be more casual about the next encounter. She's received the message already Link to post Share on other sites
Author forrest Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 thanks bobby and carhill for the quick reply. Carhill: I was thinking what you just said. We are still keeping in touch, and I'd rather be friends with her than not. The reason I said that was because I thought she felt the same about me as well. She laughs at my jokes (which really aren't funny cause I am bit nervous around her, but usually I consider my jokes to be pretty funny), so I thought she liked me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Never discount a woman laughing at your jokes or laughing in general. It's when she stops laughing that you have to worry I have a suggestion for you and this might help with your nervousness. When you listen to her, in person, look her right in the eyes, not staring, but gazing. I used to do this, not as a "method", but because I love women's eyes, and had more than one tell me later that I was one of the few men who looked at "that part" of them. One friend in particular recently commented to me (I've known her since I was your age, over 20 years) that I am the only man to ever tell her correctly what her eye color was (beautiful green-brown), because all the other guys, evidently including her ex, were staring at her chest. Just be yourself and let nature take its course. I wish I had heard that advice years ago. You sound like you're a "nice guy" (I was and still am) but be careful of the "doormat" syndrome . IMO, never let an opportunity to share your true feelings of interest/desire, etc get by you. You'll never get it back and the results, even if not what you want or desire, can have such a positive effect on the other person or the world in general. It will always come back to you, in ways you have yet to discover. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Do you really truly mean it when you say you would be happy with just a friendship? Just want to make sure if it doesn't turn into anything romantic that you don't get hurt. Having said that- it might have just been a little overwhelming to recieve the flowers and candy. I know that might have thrown me off. However- she hasn't stopped talking to you. If someone did that with me and I was freaked out, I probably owuld have cut off contact. I think it means she is considering, but a little unsure. I would just continue to play it cool and keep her laughing. Women don't have issues being friends with a man whom they know has a crush on them. I have always been able to do that- bit I never play games, I am always straight up about my intentions. It sounds as if she was being straight up when she said she wasn't sure...and it probably means just that.... Intrigued, but a tad overwhelmed initially. Keep playing it cool and let her bring up the issue of dating- you have already laid your cards on the table (and I think it's great you were able to be so honest and bold). See where it leads, watch her body language and listen to what she says when you guys talk. If she starts bringing up dating other guys- it's because she has settled into friend mode and there probably isn't any turning back from that. If there is no mention of other guys- and if she seems curious about you dtaing other women...you can bet she has interest worth your exploration. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forrest Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 carhill: thats some great advice, and thats what I am trying to do. I don't want to rush things, but I did want to let her know what I felt. D-Lish: I would be more happy with a friendship than no relationship at all. Yeah, I can see how it could freak a girl out with the whole flowers and candy thing. I forgot to mention though that this was last saturday, and I asked her to be my valentine on Thursday (she said she'd love to btw). Oh and I guess I don't have good news then huh? She mentioned several of her ex's and hasn't asked about my dating history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forrest Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) thanks for everyones advice though. Its been very helpful Edited February 20, 2008 by forrest Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 LOL, loved the play by play... Chances = zero but, wow, what a way to get over your shyness I'll be interested to hear female commentary on the ex's, but my take is SOP. Be patient and a pattern will emerge. Just do what the two of you enjoy doing and let it happen. Trust me, it just does when it's right. My main problem (and I believe cause of failures) when I was your age was I worked too hard at it.... Link to post Share on other sites
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