Addison Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 It has been several years since I last posted. The quick version of the history with this is that when I was in college I met, fell in love with and later got dumped by Steve. Steve and I lived together and we got this dog, Bailey. It was the first relationship for each of us that had gotten so serious. After we broke up I was devestated but we managed to maintain a semi normal friendship. There has always been certain jealousies that have come up over the years but there is this one thing that drives me bonkers! Everytime that he starts a new relationship he mimicks exactly how we lived our lives together. He quickly "falls in love" and then he gets a dog with the new girl. Over time he leaves them and never has anything to do with the dog again. This is not only strange to me that he repeats this same patter, but it's slightly disturbing because it makes me feel jealous. I've been in a relationship with a great guy for over 3 years now so it's not that I want to get back together with Steve, I guess I just wish that there was something about "us" during that time together that he wouldn't share with all of these other girls. Is this insane or does anyone else have similar jealousy with an ex? Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Nah. In a strange way I can totally relate. i don't think you are abnormal at all. You are probably not good with rejection with people that really mattered to you. It's really not about your feelings for Steve, but your feelings about being rejected by Steve. You don't want him. Deep down you know that. Plus, I think it's cruddy he gets dogs and leaves them. Maybe I'm off base and make no sense, but I really think you don't care about Steve, just that you may not realize you do not. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Men are creatures of habit. Did he take them to the same restaurants? Methinks you have a bit of unfinished business (not to be confused with "feelings") with Steve, as it sounds like you haven't completely let go. Were you platonic friends for a long period before romance began? If yes, do you still share the same respect that you had prior? IMO, that's the only reason to continue such a relationship with a former romantic partner, short of sharing children together. IME, and perhaps because I've never had a relationship end "well", I've never had an issue or concern with nuances of a former lover. It's kinda an "indifference is the opposite of love" thing. Enjoy your great guy but worry when he gets a dog LOL...cats, no problem... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 He sounds like my dad. I have at least 4 brothers and I've only met one of them because he is still looking for our dad. This guy "Steve" is a weak person. He keeps doing the same relationship over and over with whoever is willing at the time and then takes off when bored or difficulties present. That is a cheap way to live. Its understandable that you would still be bothered. It might even make you feel cheap by simple association. The more people he does it with, the less significant the connection you had with him feels. But sweetie, all that cheapness resides with him. You probably wonder how you could've felt so much for one person when they obviously didn't feel it too. There is a flaw here, but the flaw is in him not you. YOU are capable of feeling that much love for another person and he will never be able to know how that feels. Who should be jealous of who here because it sounds to me like he is the one with the lacking. Not you, you're fine and you have a dog. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyBelle Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Hi A, Yeah, I've experienced that feeling, too: exboyfriend whom I'm not even remotely interested in any more somehow made me feel bad when he repeated "our" life with the girlfriends who came after me. After some pondering, I figured out what bugged me about the situation is that it made me feel "unspecial." Basically, the things I thought were sentimental or unique about our relationship were somehow just part of a routine for him. Relationship memories I thought of as personal, private, intimate things were not at all intimate: they seemed like a generic "to do" list for him that he kept doing over and over. It didn't make me jealous, it made me feel humiliated and stupid because the memories that lingered in my mind, sometimes even causing me pain after the break up, were not personal or intimate to him, they were in fact just an impersonal routine for him. It's hard to acknowledge that your relationship, even if past, was not unique to the other person. It kind of makes you feel like you were some sort of test subject in an experiment. Link to post Share on other sites
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