Losing time

[Fluffybunny7]

My girl is an hour away. I don't own a car. I miss her. She's working hard at school and as a result I hear less and less from her. She says to call her anytime, but she's too busy to talk even when she expects me to call. I do get to see her on weekends, but time is limited for various reasons. Forget justifying my loneliness, I just feel like I get less and less time with her. I can't tell her how ****ty this feels 'cuz it just makes her feel bad. I've told her it bothers me, but it's way more than that... it's driving me %&$#! insane. I feel like I'm extremely sad and lonely and I can't tell her that.

 

Any ideas on how to get her to understand without frustrating her or making her feel bad?

Either that, or ideas to abate the loneliness?

[TMichaels]

I can't tell her how ****ty this feels 'cuz it just makes her feel bad. I've told her it bothers me, but it's way more than that... it's driving me %&$#! insane. I feel like I'm extremely sad and lonely and I can't tell her that.

 

Why can't you tell her that?

 

You say that when you visit that "time is limited for various reasons" and that when you call even at a pre-determined time, she sometimes can't spend as much time talking as you would like. I wonder IF your g/f truly knew how special she and the time together is to you, that she wouldn't do everything possible to make it so?

 

Communication is key to any relationship. If you can't share your thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams with the most important person in your life, who CAN you trust your heart with?

 

Think about it this way, don't you think your g/f would feel worse if she thought you didn't trust her enough to tell her how you feel?

 

Any ideas on how to get her to understand without frustrating her or making her feel bad? Either that, or ideas to abate the loneliness?

 

Couple of observations here...

 

Making a person feel bad implies some sense of blame or fault-finding. Do either of you think/feel "it's her fault" that you're apart because she's away at college?

 

If so, you need to get a handle on that. On one hand, her being an hour away from you because of school IS the reason you're not living in the same town at the moment, but it's just a fact of your life right now. It's not permanent, she didn't do it to be mean or hurtful to you, and in the long run, HER education will make BOTH your lives better.

 

Which means, it's absolutely silly to "feel bad" about something that is just another transient chapter in your lives. So don't! And, make sure you let her know that; that you understand -- but, that you still miss her like mad and are looking forward to the next time the two of you can be together again.

 

How do you get a handle on the loneliness? Well, for one thing, you need to spend less time obsessing on what you don't have, and more on what you do.

 

You've got a wonderful, bright and motivated g/f who loves you and is doing her best to make the most of her life and her relationship with you.

 

Take comfort and pride in that, and then find ways to make your own life more "multi-dimensional." If you spend all your waking hours pining away for your g/f, all that does is make you feel worse. Get yourself out and do things to fill your time and your mind. Do you have a hobby, interest or interest you can get involved in? Is there some skill you've always wanted to develop, but never have? Are there some community groups you can join or volunteer?

 

The busier you are, the more quickly time will fly, and the more interesting, upbeat and happy person you will be -- which will something your g/f will appreciate and find appealing, as well.

 

I am assuming your g/f isn't attending college year-round. Would it be possible for you two to spend time together during the summer? If so, what about planning something special the two of you can do together once she's back home from school? It would be an activity that both of you could look forward to sharing.

 

Finally, do you have a job? If not, why not consider getting one? If you're working you could put aside a little here and there toward a vehicle. Having a car would make it easier to see her more often, and enable you to be much more mobile and involved in activities back home.

 

LDRs are hard, but they can work if both of you are commited to building a life together. Hope some/all of the above will help you. And, don't hesitate to come back and post. Most everyone here has or is dealing with the same issues you are, and are happy to help, if they can.

 

Best,

TMichaels