What's wrong with me?

[gooodgirrrll]

I've had personal ads up all over the internet for ages. I even paid for a full year with eharmony. And nothing comes of it.

I don't get approached in real life. Guys don't ask me out, they never have. I don't know why.

On a website thats geared toward helping people hook up for sex, I get all kinds of attention. Guys tell me I'm hot and sexy, that they want me bad. Why is it that I'm good enough to have sex with, but apparently not good enough for anything else?

These same guys, who say they find me attractive, would probably never in a million years approach me in a real life situation. Even if all they were looking for was a hook-up, they'd still never approach me.

 

What's wrong with me?

 

I'm a good person, kind and attentive, a great lover. All I want is someone for myself. That wants to know ME.

I want to be important to someone, to a man, for something other than sex.

 

I have great family and friends, sure. I'm important to people. But, I'm 31 years old, alone, and all I want is to get married and have a family. I have a career, sure, but its never what i've wanted most.

 

Again...what's wrong with me?

Do I give off an air of desperation?

Do I come off as bitchy and unapproachable in real life?

 

Its not even as though I want to find love right away.

I just want to date, to feel desired and attractive. Yet the only place I can find that is from guys who want sex and nothing else.

 

I don't know. and I don't know what to do or how to change to make things different.

 

I'm so confused and unhappy.

I deserve better.

[amaysngrace]

What's wrong with me?

 

 

There's nothing wrong with you as far as I know. But you thinking that there is may be what's blocking you from getting what you want in life.

 

Please lose that thought. There is nothing wrong with you. Somebody will be lucky the day that they meet you.

 

Today is just not the day...but tomorrow may be.

[gooodgirrrll]

There's nothing wrong with you as far as I know. But you thinking that there is may be what's blocking you from getting what you want in life.

 

Please lose that thought. There is nothing wrong with you. Somebody will be lucky the day that they meet you.

 

Today is just not the day...but tomorrow may be.

 

Thanks. I'm sure that's true in many respects.

Self-esteem goes a long way and says alot about a person.

Its just hard to stay optimistic when I've been hearing for 30 years that someone will be lucky the day that they meet me...and it never happens.

[curiousnycgirl]

What does your profile say? Is it warm and welcoming and specific? How often do you visit these sites? Your profile drops lower and lower in the searches the longer you stay away.

 

Of course you get attention on the sex sites, you have boobs and are real. The ratio of men to women on those sites is absurd, there is a theory that the owners of the sites put up fake female profiles just to keep the guys paying. Just remember you probably want way more than they do. Can't fault them for that - they are being honst by being on that site.

 

Meeting guys online takes focus and work. Your profile needs to be specific in what you are looking for and who you are (without revealing too much). A picture (obscured so you are not recongizable) helps a tremendous amount. Checking the site regularly is key - to keep your profile at the top of the list!

 

Once you start getting notes from men, be discerning when you read them. In time I learned how to weed through the notes pretty quickly.

 

Treat everyone with the respect you would hope to get - I made a committment to myself to answer each and every note I was sent. I later had to amend that as there were too many boys (18-early 20's) who wrote to me - so I posted right in my profile if you are under XYZ age, I will NOT respond. My point here is that some of the men I wrote back a nice thanks but no thanks ended up writing endorsement of me that the other guys could see! Made them wonder, peaked their interest.

 

Once you decide you might be interested in someone, do NOT engage in a long email exchange, IM or whatever. If you do you end up building them up in your mind to a level they cannot possibly meet. I did this several times, and by the time the date came around I was bored to tears!

 

Do NOT give out your full name, or home phone number. Meet up at a coffee shop or bar not to close or far from where you live and/or work. Make the first date short - in case either one of you wants to escape. In the best case you hit it off instantly and during the date decide to extend it to a meal.

 

I did this for 3 or 4 years (yes very depressing at times) and just when I was ready to give up for a while, I met my b/f. He had written me a note, I had responded, then he disappeared. He was the last guy I had as an open item, so I sent him a note simply asking if I should keep holding my breath. We met later that week and are going strong 3.5 years later.

 

It takes time and perseverence - but it can work. Good luck!

[curiousnycgirl]

Oh and BTW to the point - there is NOTHING wrong with you. Years ago I actually asked a woman in my synagogue to set me up (she actually ran a match making service within the community) she told me that I was one of hundreds of incredibly dynamic/fabulous women she knew of, there just weren't enough me.

 

Made me feel good and depressed me all at the same time. I am sure you are also a dynamic/fabulosu woman - it's going to take you longer to find your guy!

 

It's a numbers game, play it hard and play it for as long as it takes to win.

[amaysngrace]

Its just hard to stay optimistic when I've been hearing for 30 years that someone will be lucky the day that they meet me...and it never happens.

 

 

Well I've always heard that if more than one person says the same thing about you there must be some truth to it.

 

Timing is everything. I am a big believer that the world is exactly how it should be and everything in it is in its proper place and time.

 

The time just hasn't been right for you to meet your special someone. But don't give up. You sound like a catch and a half to me.

 

Just don't be too eager to have your life plans occur. Strive to be in a solid healthy relationship first. And let it grow from there.

 

Baby steps.

[solo_flyer]

I'm a good person, kind and attentive, a great lover. All I want is someone for myself. That wants to know ME.

I want to be important to someone, to a man, for something other than sex.

 

I have great family and friends, sure. I'm important to people. But, I'm 31 years old, alone, and all I want is to get married and have a family. I have a career, sure, but its never what i've wanted most.

 

You sound needy. Men can hear a biological clock ticking miles away...

 

(I don't mean to be cruel here or anything. I'm just calling it as I see it.)

[xpaperxcutx]

You sound like a great person, but you're coming off a bit desperate. I think you should take some time to reevalute the kind of person you are. You seem to have a lot of insecurities build up because of your belief that something's wrong with you. Don't do that. In order for people to love you, you have to love yourself first. When you come to the realization that you are a confident person, it'll automatically show itself to the people around you. Just remember, its not about looks. It's about confidence.

[dagda1]

I am not a handsome man so I will be honest, I would probably not consider it an option to approach you. Beautiful women get creaped out by ugly men so why bother them. I have had friends that were attractive ladies but that usually started with my helping them (locked out etc.) there was a reason that I could approach them. Without that I never would consider talking with a beautiful woman. Why gross them out? Right.

 

Probably doesn't help but that is my 2 cents. It may explain something.

 

BTW since you are into Celtic culture, I should explain my login. My son is Ogma1 on our ISP (thinks of Ogma as the god of IT) so since I am his dad, I became Dagda1...

Edited February 28, 2008 by dagda1

[LonelyInTheDark]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, I am in the same boat myself actually (point to his user name), I am younger but still feel the need to have someone who can be mine by my side. I cry at night and wonder if I'll be alone when im 60 with no family of my own....

 

(probably did not help)

 

but um... there are people who feel the same way as you -hugs-

[D-Lish]

It would be interesting to know what you post in your dating profile.

I stay away from posting intentions. I also only answer messages from people I am interested in talking to.... otherwise you spend too much time sending "apology rejection letters".

 

Not getting approached in real life doesn't mean anything.

It's a difficult thing for someone to do!

 

Confidence is attractive to men- and what you write, and how you write a profile can reveal a lot about yourself. Be clear and concise- say what you want... and you'll be respected for that.

 

As for intimate encounter sites... well, of course men approach you there!

It's easy to approach a woman there because all the games and etiquette of dating are erased.... it's just a place where men and women are agreeing they are open to no strings attached sex.

 

Nothing is wrong with you. I have been online dating for a while- I have had lots of dates and one or two promising prospects.... but it's still a crap shoot.

 

What does your profile say??

Maybe we can help.

[MexicanBillBacker]

I've had personal ads up all over the internet for ages. I even paid for a full year with eharmony. And nothing comes of it.

I don't get approached in real life. Guys don't ask me out, they never have. I don't know why.

On a website thats geared toward helping people hook up for sex, I get all kinds of attention. Guys tell me I'm hot and sexy, that they want me bad. Why is it that I'm good enough to have sex with, but apparently not good enough for anything else?

These same guys, who say they find me attractive, would probably never in a million years approach me in a real life situation. Even if all they were looking for was a hook-up, they'd still never approach me.

 

What's wrong with me?

 

I'm a good person, kind and attentive, a great lover. All I want is someone for myself. That wants to know ME.

I want to be important to someone, to a man, for something other than sex.

 

I have great family and friends, sure. I'm important to people. But, I'm 31 years old, alone, and all I want is to get married and have a family. I have a career, sure, but its never what i've wanted most.

 

Again...what's wrong with me?

Do I give off an air of desperation?

Do I come off as bitchy and unapproachable in real life?

 

Its not even as though I want to find love right away.

I just want to date, to feel desired and attractive. Yet the only place I can find that is from guys who want sex and nothing else.

 

I don't know. and I don't know what to do or how to change to make things different.

 

I'm so confused and unhappy.

I deserve better.

 

Don't worry you sound like a great person. Go out to clubs with your friends, meet new people. You'll find the guy you deserve just keep hoping and meeting new people that share your same interests.

 

As for me while I am popular and have a great social life I'm never going to have a girlfriend, I'm good looking and fit I'm just too gay for a girlfriend. I care about their feelings, I'm not shallow at all and just want them to see them smile. Apparently that's not a sexy trait I have...girls like to be treated like shiit =/

 

Oh well at least I'll be ripped and get solace out of the size of my biceps. Its kinda cool being the dream guy for any girl and just not having a girlfriend because I'm such a nice guy.

 

Like last weekend I stayed over at a friend's house, about 10 guys and 10 girls. One girl she drank too much and some of my friends started trying to get with her. This was the 1st time I met her and I told my buddies to **** off carried her to my car and drove her to her house.

[yongyong]

Girl, if you really want to get an honest opinion, post your picture.

 

You talked about how great person you are, having great family and blah blah

 

So what?

 

Do you think people will give a damn if they don't like your face and body?

[Arch]

Girl, if you really want to get an honest opinion, post your picture.

 

You talked about how great person you are, having great family and blah blah

 

So what?

 

Do you think people will give a damn if they don't like your face and body?

 

not everyone likes the same thing Yong,

[D-Lish]

Girl, if you really want to get an honest opinion, post your picture.

 

You talked about how great person you are, having great family and blah blah

 

So what?

 

Do you think people will give a damn if they don't like your face and body?

 

She said that she does have her picture up on her dating profiles.

People have very diverse tastes.

[yongyong]

I was talking about posting picture here.

 

She said that she does have her picture up on her dating profiles.

People have very diverse tastes.

[jonarmis]

I've had personal ads up all over the internet for ages. I even paid for a full year with eharmony. And nothing comes of it.

I don't get approached in real life. Guys don't ask me out, they never have. I don't know why.

On a website thats geared toward helping people hook up for sex, I get all kinds of attention. Guys tell me I'm hot and sexy, that they want me bad. Why is it that I'm good enough to have sex with, but apparently not good enough for anything else?

These same guys, who say they find me attractive, would probably never in a million years approach me in a real life situation. Even if all they were looking for was a hook-up, they'd still never approach me.

 

Let me ask you a question, exactly how old are you? If you are around mid-twenties there should not be a rush. Wait for your time, it'll definitely come. Relationships are not exactly founded on beauty or sex. It should be more on love, trust, fidelity and respect. If you rush things, you might end up with a wrong guy. Or those guys who would just want to have a one night stand and never a commitment.

 

We are all created beautiful in the eyes of God. We are all unique. Do not let the worldly standards of beauty be your measurement of who and what you should be. If you are a good person as you claim you are, people will soon notice that. People will look past the blemish or any other infirmity. Just be yourself and you'll notice later, people will like you more.

[gooodgirrrll]

You sound like a great person, but you're coming off a bit desperate. I think you should take some time to reevalute the kind of person you are. You seem to have a lot of insecurities build up because of your belief that something's wrong with you. Don't do that. In order for people to love you, you have to love yourself first. When you come to the realization that you are a confident person, it'll automatically show itself to the people around you. Just remember, its not about looks. It's about confidence.

 

thanks...that's a very helpful perspective, and one i've heard before, but always seems to be so hard to remember. its always good to hear it again.

[stillafool]

I definitely think it may be because you are trying too hard. Relax. You are only 31. One poster was correct in that men can literally hear your bio clock ticking. Have you tried attending church. They have programs for single people and you'd be surprised at how many good men attend church. It seems the men on those online dating sites are just looking for sex. BTW, that's another thing - Stop sleeping with guys until you are in a commited relationship. If you are having sex guys without a commitment they aren't taking you seriously - just as a lay. You've got to make a man want you and the best way to do that is to hold back on the sex.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

A picture (obscured so you are not recongizable) helps a tremendous amount. !

Great advice curiousneycgirl all except this why an obscured pic? Doesn't that kinda defeat the purpose of putting up a pic so people can get an honest clear image of her/him?

Girl, if you really want to get an honest opinion, post your picture.

 

You talked about how great person you are, having great family and blah blah

 

So what?

 

Do you think people will give a damn if they don't like your face and body?

Don't mind yongyong he seams to be a very visual person lol.. Theres nothing wrong with you you don't have to post your pic here.

 

Like another poster said every one has different tastes when it comes to what they find attractive its just finding your match that counts.

Edited March 10, 2008 by SpanksTheMonkey

[sandflea]

First of all - to echo what many have posted here - there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. Nope - you have every right to be loved, and happy, and satisfied. We all do.

 

I'm sorry that the journey is taking so long - but trust me, there's definitely someone out there for you.

 

I've never had any luck with online dating either. All of my past relationships have started by meeting someone out doing something that we both enjoy. I met my first wife playing ultimate frisbee. I've met people at my running group, or at a pottery class, etc.

 

Get out there, hold your head high, and KNOW that you deserve to be loved! You do.

 

Hang in there. You know the routine here - just as soon as you STOP looking - BAM! There he is!

 

SF

 

"Good things come when you stop looking" - Kathleen Edwards.

[gooodgirrrll]

Get out there, hold your head high, and KNOW that you deserve to be loved! You do.

 

Hang in there. You know the routine here - just as soon as you STOP looking - BAM! There he is!

 

"Good things come when you stop looking" - Kathleen Edwards.

 

thanks sandflea...that's just the sort of thing i need to be doing. i don't exude much confidence when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex in a romantic sense. Trust, confidence and pride in myself are the qualities that attract. I just need to stop looking, focus on liking myself and doing the things that make me happy. its within those activities that BAM! (lol) someone will appear.

thanks.

[Yamaha]

Have you tried flirting with a guy you found attractive? You don't have to go overboard but a nice smile and a hello works wonders in making you approachable. I know women expect the man to do the chasing but if you aren't getting the results you desire it might be time 4 another tactic.

[paladin1]

Ahh; OP; 33 y/o here who would love to find a "gooodgirrrll" in my area. Don't get discouraged, and try to relax a little.

Dating sites are kind of like digging in your backyard to find gems; it is possible you will, but more likely you'll get a whole lot of dirt first...

If you are honest, trustworthy, know what you want, and confident (or at least appear to be) in yourself you'll find the right man for you.

Why not approach someone you find attractive? Or approach someone just to get to know them? Remember it's a two way street...there may be tons of guys who would love to approach you, but feel the same way you do and are nervous about doing it.

[Ariadne]

I'm 31 years old, alone, and all I want is to get married and have a family. I have a career, sure, but its never what i've wanted most.

 

Welcome to the board..