shanny Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 This may sound really stupid... but I'm looking for a way to meet new friends. I am bracing myself for breaking up with my bf which is going to be incredibly sad. I basically lost all of my friends because of him. I don't know how to get through this breakup with him without a support system. I'm 27 and pretty fun but very lonely at the moment. Where do you all go to make friends? Any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 This may sound really stupid... but I'm looking for a way to meet new friends. I am bracing myself for breaking up with my bf which is going to be incredibly sad. I basically lost all of my friends because of him. I don't know how to get through this breakup with him without a support system. I'm 27 and pretty fun but very lonely at the moment. Where do you all go to make friends? Any advice is appreciated. Well..I was in the same boat as you not to long ago. It was suggested to me that through activities is a good way to meet new freind's. I joined a dance class and have made a couple of new pal's through the class. Do you have any hobbie's?? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Space Marine Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I dunno Shanny, but if you find the answer, I'd like to know. Something I'm not particularly good at is making friends off the computer. There's nothing really wrong with me except for the anxiety disorders. I don't have a growth that looks like Newt Gingrich growing off my back or anything, but still, I have a hard time even talking to people unless it's planned out beforehand. I'm thinking of trying volunteer work, maybe you could do that. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 This may sound really stupid... but I'm looking for a way to meet new friends. I am bracing myself for breaking up with my bf which is going to be incredibly sad. I basically lost all of my friends because of him. I don't know how to get through this breakup with him without a support system. I'm 27 and pretty fun but very lonely at the moment. Where do you all go to make friends? Any advice is appreciated. That suks sorry to hear I'm kind of a loaner myself now a days I've had lots of friends in the past we all basically went our separate ways and I never replaced them. I'm kinda happy this way tho but I guess its not for every one. I agree with what some one else said tho try a new hobby or do some volunteer work maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Aoife Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Hi Shanny - could you volunteer somewhere maybe?? Like a homeless shelter or Church or animal shelter...somewhere that has people always coming and going!! A class is a great idea - wine tasting or photography or something like that...if you look online or your local paper you should get tonnes of ideas!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stone22 Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Hey Shanny- I will be in the same boat as you pretty soon. It's kind of a lonely feeling, huh? What I have done in that past is to join a play or a musical. I know- it may sound a little corny but hear me out. Every play or musical that I have been in I have made strong friendships and had a blast. For about 6 to 9 weeks you see the same people 4 times a week, and are all working toward the same goal- putting on a show. Now- you might find some pretty weird people there, but you will have an equal mix of more normal people as well. Give it a try- you just might be suprised! Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Flavia Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Shanny- I remember hearing once, and time has proved it to be true, that the only time you can REALLY connect with someone, is when one or the other of you are in a crisis— That it breaks you out of the "how are you, I am fine" place, and allows both people to be more genuine than they might normally be. So if you are facing a breakup, there is a very good chance that you will find yourself connecting more deeply and genuinely with others, and they will respond similarly. That is one of the unexpected blessing of the uncomfortable change you are making in your life. It might also be a good time to reconnect with those that you used to know well but have lost contact with. Link to post Share on other sites
fetish Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Join church, volunteer groups, community service groups. Invite some people over for BBQ. That's the way we do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Be aggresive. Throw a get togather at your house. take an art class or something else that interest you. Join one of those womens book clubs. Be up front with people and needy if you have to. But if you can be smooth about it don't let em know how desperate you are for friends. yeah thats about all ive got for you. But its really not that hard. You could make a friend this week and feel really close to them by the end of the month. bonding time is pretty quick with a new friend if you hit it off Link to post Share on other sites
nashua Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Hi Shanny. i hear what you mean. I feel like I've lost all of my passions since I've been in my LTR. I love my man, for sure, but I have lost the independent woman I once was. It's a good honest question, and I'm appreciating the responses. I just started taking a dance workout class. It hasn't made me any friends yet, but I'm going back tomorrow! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveHeals Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I tend to wind up in relationships often because I don't have many nearby friends. I am very close to my mom and my sister, but both of them live hours away. I am in grad school, I have a job, and I go to Church regularly. I am friendly and my problem is not with gaining acquaintances. If I decide to go out, plenty of people want to talk to me and laugh and have a good old time. But that is as far as it goes with me. People want me at a party just to show face... and I have really grown tired of the hollowness of bar socialization and parties. Yes, they can be fun if you are with people that you are CLOSE to... but it just isn't that way with me. I feel isolated and weird because guys basically ignore me at school but hit on me like crazy at bars and parties. Girls completely ignore me at school... and only a few include me in out of school activities (and by include, I really just mean invite me along for the most part). I very rarely get phone calls. I am constantly alone on weekends (unless I am in a relationship). And none of this makes sense to me at all. People have told me that I am "the nicest person they've ever met," "really sweet" and men find me attractive. My mom has told me for years (I've had this problem since I was 15, I am now 24) that women are jealous and that is why they have no interest in a friendship with me. My sister agrees. But I just don't understand it. I feel like I am stuck in this dumb role that I am just a social "face" to be seen at a party here and there, to smile at, talk to briefly and then move on. I am very lonely when I am at school even though I initiate conversation with people. I let people know that I am there for them, I offer help in addition to a listening ear, but people seem to already have made up their minds about me. I just met one guy in a class of mine who basically told me that he thinks that I look like the "Mean Girls" type (if you have seen the movie, you can make your own analysis.) He said, once he learned more about my actual personality, that he was surprised and impressed that I am not at all like that. I've grown so frustrated with this that I never go out anymore. I do almost everything by myself... I am very lonely because I am built for relationships (not just romantic)... but I know that I need to be single right now and focus on other things instead of having a boyfriend. So I feel stuck. I have made a couple of close guy friends, but they seem to have a little interest (one of them is an ex). I just want REAL female friends to hang out with, be ourselves, and just enjoy doing things!! It sucks to always do everything alone Hmph... I've heard that phrase "if you want friends you have to be a friend" but I have been a good friend to everyone that I know! Honestly. One girl said that I was "the best friend that she had ever had" and then she started treating me horribly and ignoring me out of nowhere... and admitting to it one night in a drunken stupor apologizing for treating me like S*** for "no good reason" (her own words). She then resumed the same attitude once she sobered up. This is a pretty common thing for me. And I am at my breaking point. I think that maybe God is setting me apart for something... to take my focus off of people and friendships and put my focus on Him. Maybe I can't serve Him as well if I have close companionship... who knows? All I know is that loneliness sucks and it feels good to sit here and type and know that at least some people on here understand. Sorry for all of you that are going through this as well... I hope that we can be a help to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Newborn humans and other animals have the primitive instinctual ability to form strong emotional attachments, or bonds, to special "things." Universal examples are (a) the fierce bonds between parents, specially mothers, and genetic offspring; and (b) the bond between committed mates - specially co-parents. People who can't feel, bond, or exchange love live in a society which glorifies and idealizes love, "closeness" and caring. Behavioral evidence of genuine bonding is an inescapable social norm. Seeking to feel normal in their own eyes and in society's, these wounded people often become experts early in life in pretending to feel true attachment to selected others - parents, sib-lings, friends, and lovers. They observe how loving adults and kids behave, and become skilled at sounding and acting just like them. One common result is they convince themselves that they can bond and love - so if another person doesn't feel a bond, the GWC in denial is sure the other person is the problem, not them. These burdened people are often vey attractive socially and professionally. However, eventually their behavior doesn't match their words in key relationships, which leads others to feel confused, hurt, guarded, and distrustful despite the GWCs earnest proclamations of "But I really do care about you!" Paradoxically, that's their truth, for they don't know they don't know what genuine caring feels like. cited frm http://sfhelp.org Link to post Share on other sites
Ping Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Hi,shanny. Maybe, your friends always are around you, but you don't see that. You know, the real friend may not connect you very often, but they put you in their heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shanny Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Thank you guys for all of your wonderful advice. It's amazing how many people are in the same boat as I am. Good news though... I was at a bar on St. Patricks day and totally bonded with another girl and we're going to go out sometime soon, which is great, because all I really have is my boyfriend and I just need some girl time, you know! Now I don't know if I'm going to become close friends with this girl or not, but I have a lot in common with her. My point is that things happen when you are not expecting them. If I can do it once, I can do it again! I know I posted this, but a suggestion for all of those in the same boat... I just started a Myspace page to get in touch with long lost friends. I have talked to several... most of them live far away so there is no chance of really hanging on regular basis, but it does help to know that people still remember me. I would suggest this to anyone in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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