I really need for what i stand to lose

[whichwayisup]

May I ask if you work or does your husband bring in the $$ while you are with the kids?

 

Can he do this? Could i lose everything? Any advice that anybody can give will be really appreciated

 

Unfortunately for you, yes he could and yes you could lose everything.

 

Just wondering if you do love your husband and because of the OM, whatever love you felt for your husband has been buried. I mean, what if you two divorce, and you end up with the OM. Fast forward another year and you're miserable, realizing that what you had with your husband was infact special and real, long lasting, even with the bad stuff. Stuff that you never really got a chance to sort out, talk to him about, work together and do marriage counselling. Leaving your husband for another man IS a risk, so if you are going to leave your H, leave either way, reguardless of the OM. He shouldn't be your "out".

 

Get some individual counselling before you decide what you want to do. Your choice WILL affect your children so be sure this is what you really want.

[Findingme]

Compassion...

 

Where was compassion when the cheating spuse emasculates the other?

 

Compassion is a nice term to throw out there when the cheater wants mercy for their actions but do they deserve compassion when they continue to inflict pain on others. is compassion feasable then?

 

I do not slam anyone on these boards because I'm mean or vindictive. I am only coming from my standpoint. I think deep down you know what your doing aint right but then you dont want anyone to tell you about it.

 

People tend to shy away from the truth when they are commiting wrongs against others.

 

I'm sorry. but that's just the way it is.

 

First of all I haven't DONE anything! I was only thinking about it in a momentary lapse of reason so.....

Second the biggest help I got getting my head together was from Gunny who was compassionate, let me vent, and was supportive but gave GREAT advice! It's not about truth, it's about the mean way you state YOUR truth! If you want someone to actually pay attention and not discount what you say as angry rage from a BS then come off as if their feelings matter, sometimes that's all we need is to have our feelings validated and get the courage to broach these things with our spouses.

Actually Hubby and I have done a lot of talking and we are closer than we have been in years, I am so relieved I didn't do something I would regret for the rest of my life because of that momentary lapse of reason. How would I have felt to lose everything that makes sence in my life? Did I come to this conclusion because you berated me and made me feel like sh*t? He!! no, I came to it because of people who actually cared if I screwed up and because I grew a backbone and talked to hubby instead of expecting him to read my mind. I am not saying these feelings are completely gone because it would be a lie but I am moving in the right direction.

So get a clue, not everyone who is talking about this has done something wrong and in need of your rude assistance. Try to actually give it to them in a kind way, tell you side, it's important that you do because not everyone knows what it's like from the other side of things, unfortunatly I do.

I do want to add that I don't nessessarily agree with the original poster, just saying that your approach needs work.

Edited February 23, 2008 by Findingme
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[Chrome Barracuda]

First of all I haven't DONE anything! I was only thinking about it in a momentary lapse of reason so.....

Second the biggest help I got getting my head together was from Gunny who was compassionate, let me vent, and was supportive but gave GREAT advice! It's not about truth, it's about the mean way you state YOUR truth! If you want someone to actually pay attention and not discount what you say as angry rage from a BS then come off as if their feelings matter, sometimes that's all we need is to have our feelings validated and get the courage to broach these things with our spouses.

Actually Hubby and I have done a lot of talking and we are closer than we have been in years, I am so relieved I didn't do something I would regret for the rest of my life because of that momentary lapse of reason. How would I have felt to lose everything that makes sence in my life? Did I come to this conclusion because you berated me and made me feel like sh*t? He!! no, I came to it because of people who actually cared if I screwed up and because I grew a backbone and talked to hubby instead of expecting him to read my mind. I am not saying these feelings are completely gone because it would be a lie but I am moving in the right direction.

So get a clue, not everyone who is talking about this has done something wrong and in need of your rude assistance. Try to actually give it to them in a kind way, tell you side, it's important that you do because not everyone knows what it's like from the other side of things, unfortunatly I do.

I do want to add that I don't nessessarily agree with the original poster, just saying that your approach needs work.

 

 

My, My arent we a little touchy today...?

 

My approach is fine if nothing it is a little abrasive. But I tend to be abrasive in a cold and hard world. Dont get mad at me, understand my ideas of where I'm coming from and what I stand for.

 

There's no need to be defensive.

[Nomad1]

Beens, please tell your husband. It will no doubt be painful for him in the short term, but in the long term it will be better for everyone concerned. Expect that all your lives will change from the moment you tell him. Try to put yourself in his shoes, if he were cheating on you for the past 5 years, wouldn't you want to know? How would it make you feel?

 

You say that the OM is your soul mate, does he feel the same way about you?

 

Yes you do stand to lose a lot, and I don't mean just material possessions.

 

What about the children?

 

Remember, what goes around, comes around.

 

Nomad1

[Findingme]

My, My arent we a little touchy today...?

 

My approach is fine if nothing it is a little abrasive. But I tend to be abrasive in a cold and hard world. Dont get mad at me, understand my ideas of where I'm coming from and what I stand for.

 

There's no need to be defensive.

 

Sorry, I didn't intend to offend you. I was actually having a good day, today not so good, days like these I have to remind myself that my feelings will pass, tomorrow will probably be another good day. You have made me think about a lot of worthwhile things so I can't pretend I discounted everything you said because I didn't. It just seems like you jump to conclusions sometimes. I guess I got a little angry when you assumed I was cheating when I am in fact NOT and trying to make my marriage work.

To be quite honest there have been days I just wanted OUT. And when I was thinking about what I would lose, I wasn't even thinking about material stuff but the worst would be losing my husband. Don't laugh because it sounds like an oxymoron to want out but not want to lose that at the same time. He's my best friend but I think couples allow themselves to get in a rut and instead of fighting for what matters they just want out as fast as they can or want that rush of a EMA. The reason I came to this board to begin with was because I needed help getting my head together so I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life..... No regrets!

You wanna hear something funny? My friends and family always tell me I am like you, hubby says I don't think before I talk and I say what I mean no beating around the bush, not sure why it bothers me so bad that you do. Dang maybe I should work on my appraoch!