He finally managed to hurt me after 2 years

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

You can write to him again and tell him you want to talk, or whatever it is.

 

See if he reads and what he does.

 

That's cool that you can see what he's read and when.

 

Put some flashy title like... Help! or Very important, or something.

 

lol

 

Hey, at least you can have fun with it.

[LoveLace]

Hey,

 

You can write to him again and tell him you want to talk, or whatever it is.

 

This is basically what my last email attempted...well, an attempt at "just friends" anyway, the one he never read...so if he won't read that one, he probably won't be interested in any others...

 

 

Hey, at least you can have fun with it.

 

Was thinking about this...thought about attaching "Call me when your Sober" by Evanescence (cuz it's soo about him) and the subject line would say "Song for Dan"...that would be something different at least, than just me spilling my feelings...either that attach the song "I touch myself"...which would be totally pursuing instead of anger...don't know which I like better! He'd probably laugh either way...the second song says "I don't want anybody else..." I don't know about being that straight up...the 1st song would pretty much be going off, like another ultimatum-type thing, which would you go with?

 

But I also still still have snow-hat he left here. Was thinking of returning it with a CD inside, with one of those songs...

[melodymatters]

Was thinking about this...thought about attaching "Call me when your Sober" by Evanescence (cuz it's soo about him) and the subject line would say "Song for Dan"...that would be something different at least, than just me spilling my feelings...either that attach the song "I touch myself"...which would be totally pursuing instead of anger...don't know which I like better! He'd probably laugh either way...the second song says "I don't want anybody else..." I don't know about being that straight up...the 1st song would pretty much be going off, like another ultimatum-type thing, which would you go with?

 

But I also still still have snow-hat he left here. Was thinking of returning it with a CD inside, with one of those songs...

 

Please Lovelace, I hate to be hurtful, but the ideas you just suggested ? They sound like something my teenage daughter or her friends would do.

 

For whatever reason, Dan just doesn't want you as a girlfriend right now. Like oppath said, it could have NOTHINg to do with you, but you have to let this one go, so that you can be open and healthy for the next one.

 

I think you put so much importance on these "almost BF's" because it distracts you from your lonliness. THE TRUTH though, is that you would be better off actually BEING lonely, accepting it, then getting sick of it, and then CONTRUCTIVELY trying to find a mature adult guy who wants the same things you do.

 

Age really doesn't matter. In your thirties you can find divorced guys, or never married guys, I'm 41 and have met 3 widowers in the last year !

 

Until you change your mind set, you will not attract, or be attracted to a guy you can have a healthy relationship with.

 

Have you tried online dating, any luck there ?

[Ariadne]

Was thinking about this...thought about attaching "Call me when your Sober" by Evanescence (cuz it's soo about him) and the subject line would say "Song for Dan"...that would be something different at least, than just me spilling my feelings...either that attach the song "I touch myself"...which would be totally pursuing instead of anger...don't know which I like better! He'd probably laugh either way...the second song says "I don't want anybody else..." I don't know about being that straight up...the 1st song would pretty much be going off, like another ultimatum-type thing, which would you go with?

 

But I also still still have snow-hat he left here. Was thinking of returning it with a CD inside, with one of those songs...

 

Yeah,

 

Can send him some song and he's "got" to check that out, I mean, the curiosity might get to him.

 

And then you can watch.

 

Even if for fun. The only thing is if he figured out you are checking the emails and is being a pest.

 

Can he mark a message "unread" after he reads it? Like you can do in yahoo?

[Ariadne]

Please Lovelace, I hate to be hurtful, but the ideas you just suggested ? They sound like something my teenage daughter or her friends would do.

 

For whatever reason, Dan just doesn't want you as a girlfriend right now. Like oppath said, it could have NOTHINg to do with you, but you have to let this one go, so that you can be open and healthy for the next one.

 

I think you put so much importance on these "almost BF's" because it distracts you from your lonliness. THE TRUTH though, is that you would be better off actually BEING lonely, accepting it, then getting sick of it, and then CONTRUCTIVELY trying to find a mature adult guy who wants the same things you do.

 

Age really doesn't matter. In your thirties you can find divorced guys, or never married guys, I'm 41 and have met 3 widowers in the last year !

 

Until you change your mind set, you will not attract, or be attracted to a guy you can have a healthy relationship with.

 

Have you tried online dating, any luck there ?

 

People chill.

 

Don't take everything so seriously.

 

Not everything is a matter of life and death.

[LoveLace]

I haven't had a long-term thing in 12 years. Long enough to accept being lonely and getting sick of it, for sure. I'm way beyond it, I purely hate single's guts now.

 

And of course in 12 years there's been TONS of online dating, hell I met Dan that way. Otherwise, ALWAYS one failure after another, whether it was the guy or me or it just didn't click. I took a lot of breaks without it, months, then would go back to it with total optimism (I think it might work this time!)...only to find it was no different than before, like when your hungry and you keep opening the fridge but it's the same old junk in there.

 

The only reason I think a song appeals to the situation is because we're both really, really into music and we like all the same stuff. He even admits to liking the mushy-lovey-dovey songs, although that's not what I would give to him...as far as immature-type behavior he's seen me do a lot worse than a CD with 1 song on it, 100's of times, and always seemed to look past it. It's not something I'd do with just any guy, because it wouldn't appeal to just anyone. Oh, and if he claims to "like that" when I knock on his bedroom window at night and wake him up, I don't think a song could do much damage...whatever though I dont' know that I'll grow the balls anyway.

[LoveLace]

Can he mark a message "unread" after he reads it? Like you can do in yahoo?

 

Oh, sh*t!!! He does have yahoo...I didn't even know you could do that! Yikes. Oh well I deserve that.

[LoveLace]

Holy moowly Adrne, that could explain a lot...he knows I'm checkin'...and making it look like he hasn't read it...well, possibility anyway...dont' know if he's smart enough for that because he doesn't even delete any messages, much less know that kind of function or use that much effort...maybe...

[LoveLace]

Sh*tting in my pants!...went to my own email in yahoo, and marked a message as "unread"..then went back to the message and the option to do this is now not available (because it's already been done, obviously).

 

So then I went to his email and looked at my last message to him...and the option to "mark as unread"...is not there!! I feel like a detective and I'm laughing, like this is some kind of game and I'm laughing and I don't know why!! But he must be marking it, and also must know I've been there...I just want to die laughing...

[Ariadne]

Holy moowly Adrne, that could explain a lot...he knows I'm checkin'...and making it look like he hasn't read it...well, possibility anyway...dont' know if he's smart enough for that because he doesn't even delete any messages, much less know that kind of function or use that much effort...maybe...

 

Yeah,

 

Guys are pretty plain for these things and don't bother too much.

 

But you never know. In yahoo you just check the box and say, mark as unread. Is pretty simple.

 

Hope you talk to him tough, you must be curious what happened.

[Kamille]

Lovelace, why are you wasting your time on Dan?

 

He CANNOT WILL NOT DID NOT give you what you want. Stop chasing him. Recognize that right now, all you are doing is masquing the fact that he broke your heart by trying to pretend he hasn't rejected you. You're allowed to be broken-hearted - but please have enough self-respect to know when to move on. Or go download Aretha's Respect. Or even I Will Survive.

 

And why are you taking Ariadne's advice? And sorry to offend Ariadne, I think she's great, but she doesn't have the most successful dating life either. (sorry A, but it had to be said). And I could go dig and find a thread where she admits she sometimes gives malicious advice because she likes seeing people be as miserable as she is.

 

Bottomline Lovelace, the only common element of the last twelve years is you. As long as you keep doing what you are doing, you will remain single. As long as you keep indulging yourself instead of forcing yourself to change and show some maturity, you will have a tough time dating. Ps, checking a guy's email, not that mature.

 

Also, realize that since you've been here, you've dated at least 3 guys. So it's not true that there is a shortage of guys out there. What you need to do is learn to make them chase you. We can help you with that. But step one to making men chase you is to not chase the ones who clearly tell you they aren't worth your time. Dan is telling you in multiple ways he isn't worth your time. Stop chasing and wasting your time.

Edited February 23, 2008 by Kamille

[sb129]

LL-

 

If Dan knows that you are checking his email, it definitely isn't going to endear you to him, if anything it will push him further away.

 

Please can you give up on this guy? You are totally flogging a dead horse, and its al very well to say there is nobody else out there, but thats no excuse to waste time on someone who doesn't want to be with you!

[Ariadne]

And why are you taking Ariadne's advice?...I could go dig and find a thread where she admits she sometimes gives malicious advice because she likes seeing people be as miserable as she is.

 

No,

 

Whenever I give my opinion is exactly what I think.

 

I have said that I get glad when I read stuff like, My bf, the one that I went to the caribbean with last year and proposed on his knees, dumped me.

 

Or something along those lines.

[underpants]

Re: the past two posts... uh, I'm 3 months shy of 30 and I'm HOT (haha!), and I have tough luck too, but it's mainly MY FAULT for not knowing how to choose the right men and get out when I should.

 

This has been my most difficult (romantic) life lesson. Ahh, if only I could go back in time and have a talk with myself. In a way this board allows me that in a way.

 

Once you get it though, it is so refreshing to own yourself in a relationship. It scares the heck out of insincere people and attracts the genuine types.

[LoveLace]

Kam...actually there's only been 2 guys since I've been here...Marty and Dan....when I 1st came here it was all about my roommate whom of which I never dated. I think I came here a year ago or a little more than a year ago? That's only 2 guys I've dated in a year. Well ok met up with a guy ONE time and he didn't like me, so doesn't count.

 

I haven't taken any further action, I have a tendency to belt out ideas galore but never follow through with them, whether it's because I decide I'm not up for the effort or I think of something "better" and end up ditching that idea, too. With some things in life, I get so indecisive that I finallly give up sometimes.

 

Speaking of roommate, he knows I'm having a hard time with Dan...and said he thought we were getting serious (don't know why cuz I never told him that but it must have been starting to look that way)...anyway he tried to hook me up with a buddy of his god bless him, but I hung out with the guy for a couple hours and I just wasn't interested in the slightest...plus he has more baggage than an airport. I've never experienced such intense attraction with someone like I did with Dan, so it'll be hard for something to measure up to that...this guy didn't even come close though...I was happy to conversate with him or whatever, otherwise I was bored outta my gord.

[Art_Critic]

He also might remark it as unread after reading it.. that way it shows up at the top..

My wife does that all the time when she reads her email..I asked her one day why she does that and she said she does it to the emails that she wants to reread later..

 

He also might have all his email automatically forwarded to another email account or blackberry..

So you think it is unread but in reality he read it on another account..

I do this...

[LoveLace]

He also might have all his email automatically forwarded to another email account or blackberry..

So you think it is unread but in reality he read it on another account..

I do this...

 

 

Another email account is possible, but doubtful...and he doesn't have a cell phone, nor a job at the moment, so the blackberry is not too likely...

 

Now I'm back to convinced he just isn't reading them though...I got myself worked up last night into thinking he was onto me and all that, but for some reason today I'm back to thinking he still doesn't have a clue and just doesn't care, period.

 

I just think if I'm silent long enough he'll be tempted to call and if I feel like it, I can use the opportunity to talk about things then...though it's a strong temptation to ask for "talking" now, I'd like to hold off on that and if at all I might suggest it later, as in 2 weeks from now or something along those lines...if I care as much by then, with me ya never know what extreme of caring I'll be, it could just be that PMS got the best of me this time, who knows.

[Art_Critic]

Now I'm back to convinced he just isn't reading them though..

 

Then he knows you check his email and is fuqking with you..

 

Everyone reads their emails.. even if they are from people you don't want to hear from..

If I get an email from someone I don't like I read it and delete it..

 

This is why checking someones email is a no no....

[LoveLace]

Then he knows you check his email and is fuqking with you..

 

Everyone reads their emails.. even if they are from people you don't want to hear from..

If I get an email from someone I don't like I read it and delete it..

 

This is why checking someones email is a no no....

 

Yea, he never seems to delete them, whether he's reading them or not...pure laziness, I guess. I noticed he's online right now...and noticed accidentally, you know how yahoo tells you when someone's on there. He must be checking it yet AGAIN, again unusually frequent for him...

 

I keep having this flashback, of the night we had an argument. I keep remembering the moment when he practically begged for me not to be mad at him...but I slammed the door and walked away. He sqealed off in the car right away. He later admitted my running off upset him.

 

It's only nagging at me because it was the time I saw him be even slightest bit emotional towards me. Like he sincerely didn't want me to be mad at him. I complain and complain he doesn't care enough but when he does for once, it takes me too long to recognize it. I'm not saying this to blame myself for everything, but I'm learning that sometimes I'm so caught up in how someone's making me feel that I don't notice how I might be making them feel. Anyhow, I think he squealed off like that not just because I was p*$$d, but maybe because he knew that he had just let some emotion show, something he's not very good at doing, like several men, so when they catch themselves doing it they don't like how it makes them feel. Of course we resolved the issue but I still failed to address the whole picture when he presented with a total opportunity to do so....came over one day and said "Talk to me"....when I asked about what, he said, "Anything you want". But I chickened out, dodged the opportunity and started talking about everything but us. Still turned out to be a wonderful night, and our last night at that.

 

Again not blaming myself, just recalling the moments where you feel like Homer Simpson and go, "DOPE!"

[Kamille]

I complain and complain he doesn't care enough but when he does for once, it takes me too long to recognize it. I'm not saying this to blame myself for everything, but I'm learning that sometimes I'm so caught up in how someone's making me feel that I don't notice how I might be making them feel.

 

Yes but that ball goes back and forth. And how is he supposing that being ignored for weeks - especially after being given an ultimatum- is supposed to make you feel?

 

and I will say again:

shake this guy.

 

So you've been here for less then a year and you dated two guys. Do you realize what the reason behind dating 'only' 2 guys is? Yup, Dan. You spent the last three months thinking, analysing and agonizing about Dan. If you'd heeded the red flags in December, I KNOW you would be dating someone else right now. Need a reminder?

 

Lovelace, Dec 3rd 2007

I want a relationship, not neceassarily with him, but the truth is there's no room for a real relationship in my life right now, and there won't be for quite a while. So I don't bother to try and push one with Dan or anyone else anymore, for that matter. But we have a blast together and the sex is more than satisfying, so it's better than nothing for me at this time. Occasional is ok, because occasional is all I have time for. But usually, even if we call each other late, we manage to hang out for a few hours 1st before "hooking up", we don't normally get right to it...we act like a couple when we're together, but we're not a couple, which again is fine for my life right now. So your right, I won't bother to analyse it, I'm just going to keep going with the flow until I really have the time and energy for something more meaningful. I don't know - I'm sord of having fun with the whole thing, so there's really no problem now that I think about it...

 

 

Ariadne, I apologize for misunderstanding what you had meant. But I feel that sometimes you are such a romantic that you encourage people into doing things they would be better off not doing. Like seriously, who wants to date someone who takes an invasion of their privacy as a proof of love?

[LoveLace]

Not less than a year, Kam, a whole year, and the 2 guys combined only take up 5 months of that. The other 6 was me with no one. Because I don't randomly meet guys all the time. It's hard to "get out enough" when all your friends are married and rarely do anything themselves, when you only have 1 single girl friend and our schedules have to fit just right to go out together. Oh, plus I'm a nursing student with 2 jobs...it's easy to go 6 months completely alone and I've gone much, much, longer than that before. So just because I've been talking to Dan for the last couple months hardly effects how pathetic my life is the rest of the year.

 

And I felt totally different about him in December than I do now, obviously. More time with him changed things, obviously.

 

Well I"m headed out for the evening to hang out with a couple girl friends, tonight, actually, and if we could exchange money on LS I'd bet $50 that I won't get so much as a second look from a guy. Sure, I'm likely to talk to one and even flirt some, if he happens to be near by and friendly, but I'll get the same old, "Well see ya later" once he's done buying his drink and wants to get back to hanging out with his buds. Then, I'll come home after having a couple drinks and cry myself to sleep because I'm stuck in the same place I've been stuck in for 11 years now, alone. It's hard to believe anything otherwise could happen, when you've lived the same routine for years. All moments of optimism have had the same result = disappointment. Cheers!

[Ariadne]

I'm stuck in the same place I've been stuck in for 11 years now, alone. It's hard to believe anything otherwise could happen, when you've lived the same routine for years. All moments of optimism have had the same result = disappointment. Cheers!

 

Yeah,

 

That sucks.

 

What happened with the craigs list thing that you tried?

[carhill]

Well I"m headed out for the evening to hang out with a couple girl friends, tonight, actually, and if we could exchange money on LS I'd bet $50 that I won't get so much as a second look from a guy. Sure, I'm likely to talk to one and even flirt some, if he happens to be near by and friendly, but I'll get the same old, "Well see ya later" once he's done buying his drink and wants to get back to hanging out with his buds.

 

Well, here's to hoping you're dead wrong

 

I'll let you in on a little secret. When you're sitting at that bar and are truly open to the possibilities, the right guy for you may just stop by and not leave, because he'll see it, and you. I call it the "third dimension". Your job is not to judge him by the other two, like you feel you're always being judged. See how it works

[Kamille]

I'm no expert at flirting but this much I know: the trick is to leave first with a 'it was great to meet you' smile on your face. Squeeze his arm as you do this. He likely won't be able to keep his eyes off of you the rest of the night.

 

I hope most of all that you have a good time, men or no men.

Edited February 24, 2008 by Kamille

[BlueEyedGirl]

If you are at the bar and want men to approach you, just make eye contact with lots of men. Chances are they are there to pick up. If you do this you will get few men trying to talk to you (although quality of these men may not be that great).