He finally managed to hurt me after 2 years

[carhill]

Oh, forgot, in this "equal" world, it's not unladylike to "send" a drink to a man who may have caught your interest, either by his appearance, demeanor or mannerisms. Most gentleman will return the favor regardless and it's a great way to start a conversation.

 

Not that I go to bars much

[Kamille]

Oh and another good trick... When you two are talking, be comfortable with a few moments of silence. Once you are done saying something, wait for him to come up with the next topic. It's a way to keep some mystery and also a way to learn more about the guy. In other words, make sure the work of sustaining the conversation is 50/50. (I even usually let men do most of the conversation work, maybe a 70 men/30 me).

 

It shows confidence and I think guys read it as flirtatious/intriguing.

[LoveLace]

[

I hope most of all that you have a good time, men or no men.

 

It was okay. I saw a few guys look at me some, just none that I was interested in approaching or whatever. Me and my 2 gf's got our picture taken for a popular city newspaper, because we went to this grand opening for this bar. That was kinda cool. The place had a fair amount decent looking-guys (none of which I encountered, but noticed), so I won't doubt I'll go back sometime, that is next time I have the time and the money. My intervals without a social setting are much longer than they used to be, makes chances of meeting special people lower.

 

Thanks for all your pick-up advice, I'll remember it. While driving home, it was snowing, and it was beautiful to look at, everything was covered in soft, white snow. Dan's snow cap was in the passenger seat next to me. I cried and cried as I kept telling myself it's over. Part of me was still holding onto him with this stupid hat. But it says "Calloway Golf" on it so it wasn't a cheapy one. Anyway, I left it on his front porch, not on the ground but a small folding table that sits by the front door. No, I didn't put anything inside of it, but I wanted to take it back to where it belonged, and perhaps it's my way of saying good-bye. His car wasn't there, and it was 2am, probably with a girl, tears me a part inside.

 

I haven't felt this hurt in a long time, it's going to be quite a while before I can really get over it.

[BlueEyedGirl]

Hi LoveLace,

 

I can symphatize with you soooo much. I'm few months away from turning 30 and I feel exactly like you do. Like I will never get married, have kids and will be alone for the rest of my life. I even have nightmares about it. I feel constant pressure and low grade anxiety about time passing me by. Especially with the kids, there is very limited time, and like you I want to give my mum grandkids so badly. She is at my apartment at the moment, cooking for me because I'm sick with food poisoning and here I am not being able to give her one thing that she wants the most.

 

I can also understand about missing Dan and not really being interested in the others for the moment. At least since you started posting on LS, you have really liked the roommate then Marty and now Dan. It shows an ability to move on and you will move on from Dan too (I tend to get stuck on one guy for years even when it's VERY clear that it's not going to go anywhere.)

 

At least you are not alone in feeling like this and I bet there are quite a few other girls on LS in similar situation.

[LoveLace]

Aw Blue Eyed girl I hope you feel better!!! Whether you have kids or not your mom will never mind taking care of you! I love it when someone like you can relate to me. Because your my exact age in the same exact situation. Even if someone is like 26 and they say, "Well I'm 26, so I know how you feel"...ha ha...no, they don't. The difference between 26 and 31 for the biological clock is a bigger difference than we want it to be...the only time I feel that someone truly understands is when their sitch. exactly matches mine, like you. Well since we're both convinced we'll be alone forever, at least we know we're not the only one...

[LoveLace]

My last email said that what I did was extreme, and I'm willing to compromise if we can talk about it. I don't see what's wrong with that...and well, he read it as of today from what I can tell. I even suggested "friends without benefits" would be ok with me...no sex, no pressure.

 

If he doesn't respond, I just feel better plain knowing my last message wasn't a pitiful sounding one like I'm totally crushed, or a b*tchy one cussing him out. I feel better knowing my last attempt was a compromise, instead of an ultimatum. And if he's reading it, he's at least curious...so now I gotta get on with the start of my busy week from h*ll, and that'll be plenty of time for him to think. LS, you can go off on me all day for caring so much...caring too much...but eventually, it always fades, it won't take place overnight, or even in a week. In reality your all totally right about Dan not being good enough for me. But in reality, that's not going to set in as fast as you say it to me. I'm an emotional roller coaster...one day I'm h*lla strong, and couldn't agree with you all more...and the next day I'd do anything to see him again...so it's hard to choose one emotion when they are not even coming to me in a consistent fashion...when I go 2 days in a row, then 3, 4, and sew on with a stable feeling of knowing I don't want him, I'll know I'm moving on.

[Kamille]

I guess the reason why I follow your threads and sometimes harp on you LL is because I am also 31, soon 32, and just started seeing my current bf 4 and half months ago when I was 31. We started discussing children recently, and even though we're far from feeling ready to have them, we are hoping to fit them in within the next 4 years - providing the two of us stay together (we have a few kinks we're trying to work out).

 

I want kids, but I only want kids with a good solid partner. One who isn't afraid of responsibilities, is sensitive to my needs, knows how to compromise and knows how to communicate his needs and listen to mine. I have seen too many of my friends stuck with deadbeat dads to accept just any partner as a potential dad. This pretty much disqualifies anyone who can't commit, take me into account, compromise and communicate. Men who disappear for weeks, don't return phone calls, say they don't want commitments, etc. It meant, when I was dating, paying attention to what a guy had to offer relationship wise. It meant not settling for scraps on the (false) premisse that the situation was desperate.

 

LL, it might help if you think through the qualities a good partner would need in order for the two of you to form, first a great couple, second a good family. Make a list. Keep thinking about it and amending it. Knowing what you want will help you build a better relationship with the next man in your life.

[mylovegrowsdeeper]

Yes Dan has been some sh*t to put up with over the last 2 years, and I've had many episodes of being flat-out p*ssd, but I never felt truly hurt, and he always, always came back.

 

This time I let him get to me and I am truly hurt. But he's not coming back this time. I don't know who f*cked up more because I think we both did, it's almost we've both done things to purposely push the other away, in different ways, and maybe for different reasons.

 

My friends here know how I had access to his email, so everytime I sent him one, I would look to see if he read it. My last one was about the All or Nothing ultimatum, not mean but not way too nice either...and he read it like a week ago. But my dumb a$^ sent him another one since, basically just saying I'd like to be just "friends". But I can see that he's checked his email....and didn't even bother to look at this one. I don't know if he's onto me for checking his email (in which case he thinks I'm a stalker...even though I don't look at any messages, just to see if he's read mine), if he thinks he's doing what's best by choosing "nothing", or if he's just flippin tired of anything I have to say. I'm hurt that he looked right over my email like it's junk. I haven't bothered to call him at all, because it's way too hard to reach him without a cell phone. I no longer have a way to communicate feelings if he doesn't read the emails. But if he's onto me, is there a chance that he's playing with me to see if I start another form of contact?

 

I don't know it doesn't matter, I let him get to me and I'm really sad.

 

I don't know when we began to decline so steadily but god forbid anyone in this world CHOSE to have a mature and loving relationship. No relationship is picture perfect- no. They take work- yes. But there's a difference between buying a gingerbread house kit when you want to make a gingerbread house and buying a box of bisquick when you want the gingerbread house. With one, after some work and creativity and such on your part it is possiblye to actually attain the desired result. With the other, after much work and creativity, you continue to peddle through the crumbs, compromising yourself and so on and you will never attain that damn gingerbread house. No matter how hard or how long you try.

 

For whatever reason a vast amount of people have decided to buy bisquick and expect a gingerbread house in their relationships. sigh......

[LoveLace]

Well I haven't sent him any new email messages, but I'm not still not sure if he knows I"ve been in there or not. I mentioned he's been checking a lot lately, especially since I gave him the "ultimatum"...I've sent him like 3-4 emails since then, which has been almost a month ago now. (time flies when your not having fun!)

 

I suspected he might be f*cking with me, but I also second guess that he's intelligent enough to realize it. Since I haven't sent him any new mails, I was curious to see if he's been there looking for any. He checked it today...and the only message he looked at was an ad for airline tickets...I know he's going to Chicago next week but I'm pretty sure they are driving cuz it's only a few hours from here. It was just one of those random junk mails trying to get money...I thought it strange that he would look at that and ignore the one that says "You have new activity in your Yahoo Personals account!"....as well as ignore all others.

 

The desire to talk to him or write to him is definitely lessening now, especially now that I'm suddenly moving out of my apt and there's too much else to stress about...but I wonder if he's f*cking with me...and if he is, what's the point if he already knows then why isn't he calling me on it instead of playing a game?

 

 

Maybe my life's goofy as h*ll, but it least I'm entertained by it...

[the leaf gatherer]

You could try readnotify. Google for the website. It tracks your email and sends you a read receipt when the addressee reads the email.

[LoveLace]

You could try readnotify. Google for the website. It tracks your email and sends you a read receipt when the addressee reads the email.

 

Wow, thanks..soo much easier than having to check his email to see if he read it!

[Mary3]

Why doesn't Dan have a job ? Could that be related to his feelings right now ?

[LoveLace]

Why doesn't Dan have a job ? Could that be related to his feelings right now ?

 

Dan was in construction, and got laid off pretty much right at XMAS. I took him out a couple times...the 1st time, he acted really uncomfortable about the whole thing...but I reminded him of all the times he'd taken ME out, so who cares if I do it just once? I mean, in 2 years this was the 1st time I was the one with the money. After the 2nd time I think I made him feel bad because he knew about my very negative checking account that occurred shortly after, but h*ll, isn't like that's his fault. But his reaction when I told him about my $ problems would make ya think he was responsible or something...and he thanked me again for taking him out.

 

Lately when I mention fun things we could do together, he doesn't respond...I thought it was because he just didn't want to do them...but when he has money, he doesn't act this way. Before he got laid off, I never paid a dime for anything we did...from a full night out to a hotel room...god I miss him..

[LoveLace]

So Dan, I found out accidentally, has been active on yahoo personals since we talked last. He makes it sound like he's looking for a "significant other" , and is not against marriage, yadda yadda, ...gee not what he told me. Ugh!