aya Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 Hi all, I just wanted to get your opinion on this. I have been with a guy for 6 months now, and things are going good for us, although we have arguments / disagreements once in a while. There is this woman at his workplace, who is married but she has been telling him that she wants to file a divorce. She was involved in a couple of affairs. I think she likes him, and to me that is obvious. Granted they work together, she calls him once in a few days (at least), complaining about her husband and her work. She wants to do something with him on weekends, nights, etc. She is from foreign country (Europe), but my boyfriend went to visit her home (part of the trip, there was her husband, too) without me for a week. Last weekend, she called my boyfriend and they went out for dinner (he sort of invited me, but I had another plan with my friends so I did not go). On July 4th weekend, we had a plan, and then all of sudden my boyfriend start saying whether I can invite her and her husband. It turned out that she insisted that they should do something together on July 4th weekend. He says she might like him, but there's nothing to worry about, as he does not like her. I guess it might be true as she is not very attractive woman but she has been cheating on her husband so many times. But she calls him on weekends and asks him out, and she knows that he is dating me. Please advice! I am so frustrated with this situation. Is it not-OK to feel jealous and tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 i don't know if it's OK, but i'd be jealous & mad as hell. have you ever gone out together? ie you&bf&her or that plus her husband? I think you should watch her reaction when you hug/kiss/whatever your bf ... Does she invite both of you for dinner on weekends, or just him?? If it's just him, does he always invite you along? I think it's a matter of making sure everything's perfectly respectful of you, and the second it's not - calling on it. I think the trip to europe was out of line - why didn't you come along to that? Anyway, just some thoughts, good luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 I'm afraid I must agree with YES somewhat. Even if jealousy or mutual attraction isn't a factor, you and your boyfriend already suspect that this woman is becoming emotionally attached. Casual work "buddies" is one thing, but the fact that your boyfriend is accepting personal calls from this woman outside of work and is spending one-on-one time with her is setting off all kinds of bells and whistles. He is obviously feeling flattered by all the special attention, otherwise he would have drawn the line by now. And he has little regard for your feelings if he continues on as usual in spite of your objections. Unless of course, the two of you have already reached some agreement that you are both permitted to associate/spend time with platonic friends of the opposite sex. Every couple defines the perimeters of their own relationship according to their personal comfort levels. If the lines have become somewhat blurred concerning yours, its time to sit down and renegotiate. Compromise without sacrifice, but never place conditions on your partner that you are unable or unwilling to accept yourself. And if you’re unable to meet half way, than maybe it’s time to move on… Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2003 Share Posted July 1, 2003 It seems pretty cut and dried to me. If you are uncomfortable with your BF spending time with this woman, and you have told your BF that you are uncomfortable with it and would prefer that he not spend time with her outside of work, then he should put your feelings first and cut off the relationship - whatever it is. Whether you think she's attractive or not doesn't mean a thing. She's had affairs in the past and she'll probably have them in the future - why should your BF put himself in her line of sight for an affair when he knows it upsets you? If the situation were reversed with me, I would immediately cut off contact with the guy. In fact, I did just that some years ago - I left a job I enjoyed because someone there was interested in me and at the time my husband and I were having some problems. I knew I wouldn't cheat on my husband, but I also knew I didn't want to be put in a situation where I was tempted and it became uncomfortable. Nothing happened, except that I left a job I liked. Link to post Share on other sites
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