sb129 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Interestingly, I read a newspaper article on the topic of pre-nups this afternoon. A wealthy businessman married a serial divorcee who was wealthy in her own right (mainly from getting divorced!!). They were both in their 50s, and as both already had money, he figured that her children could be taken care of by her money from her divorces from the childrens fathers, which would protect his money so that he could provide for his own children. He had a prenup drawn up that cost £20,000 in legal fees. She signed it and agreed to it. The marriage crumbled, and he moved out of her home. While they were legally separated, he met someone else. The W then filed for divorce citing adultery, and tried to get the prenup overturned, saying that he had lied about his assets, and had been unfaithful. The high court ruled in favour of the H, and she didn't get a penny. I actually agree with this ruling- no children were involved in the marriage, it lasted for just over a year, and both people had their own money prior to the wedding. A prenup is entirely appropriate in this situation, and the woman was obviously a gold-digger, but sadly she gives the rest of us a bad name.... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Interestingly, I read a newspaper article on the topic of pre-nups this afternoon. A wealthy businessman married a serial divorcee who was wealthy in her own right (mainly from getting divorced!!). They were both in their 50s, and as both already had money, he figured that her children could be taken care of by her money from her divorces from the childrens fathers, which would protect his money so that he could provide for his own children. He had a prenup drawn up that cost £20,000 in legal fees. She signed it and agreed to it. The marriage crumbled, and he moved out of her home. While they were legally separated, he met someone else. The W then filed for divorce citing adultery, and tried to get the prenup overturned, saying that he had lied about his assets, and had been unfaithful. The high court ruled in favour of the H, and she didn't get a penny. I actually agree with this ruling- no children were involved in the marriage, it lasted for just over a year, and both people had their own money prior to the wedding. A prenup is entirely appropriate in this situation, and the woman was obviously a gold-digger, but sadly she gives the rest of us a bad name.... Good for him. I set a hurdle for my wife to jump overf figuring she never would but she did and that is when I knew I couldn't say no to marrying her. I promised I would marry her if she agreed to the prenup and I am a man of my word. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Good for him. I set a hurdle for my wife to jump overf figuring she never would but she did and that is when I knew I couldn't say no to marrying her. I promised I would marry her if she agreed to the prenup and I am a man of my word. Good to hear that dirty old love had nothing to do with it, it was a plain old business transaction! JK.... Sometimes I just think you need a big ole hug Wog. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Good to hear that dirty old love had nothing to do with it, it was a plain old business transaction! JK.... Sometimes I just think you need a big ole hug Wog. That reminds me of the movie Back to School when the one professor asked the other professor to go steady by saying "I think that we should form a merger". Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 I can't believe I missed this one before but its genius. Thanks Pyro! We all have our moments..... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 In reading this thread ~ I don't think most of the women that have posted to it are qualified to make comment to it? Why? Because most women that post regularly here fall the right handside (A+ side) of the bell curve. Most come across to me as being of above average intellegence, education, and just good old common horse sense. They come across as strong, intellegent, loving, caring, nurturing ~ who give themselves what they want and need. As John Gray of Venus/Mars says they take responsibility for their own happiness and contentment, etc. They don't need a man in their lives, they want one in their lives? Someone who's going to compliment them and their lives and make them more of who and what they are? The problem is? I would say only about 10 to 30 percent more of less fall into this category? On the left hand side of the bell curve, there's a good 30-40 percent of the women I wouldn't even go out on a date with ~ let alone marry! I don't believe in the "one" nor the "soul-mate" but you see my pretty mug in the Sunday paper talking about getting married again ~ you can bet the farm that she's pretty damned special and unique among human beings let alone women? And madly, crazy about me ~ and has been for sometime? Why should a man get married? Lots of reasons, but they need to be for all the right reasons and not all the wrong ones? Compaionship for one, to have someone to build a history with for another. To have someone that makes you a better you. To have someone that compliments one another? To have someone remind you from time to time that sitting around all weekend in the same boxer shorts, in your recliner with your "Budda Belly' hanging out, un-bathed, un-shaven drinking beer really isn't cool! "And Dear, while we're at it? You really do need to work on that "Budda Belly!" Because serial and multi-dating? Really isn't all that fun? And besides? Most of us suck at it! Dating is like sales, you've got contact perhaps as many as 100 people to find just four prospects? Out of four? You might close one? That a pretty long drought for your averge Joe? Because of those little gifts that keep on giving? STD's The problem? Isn't marriage? The problem is finding the RIGHT someone to marry ~ be selective ~ be very selective! And, if an when you find the right one ~ remember that you've got to date your mate, don't take her for granted, don't become over confident that you've got her for life? What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her. Work on your marriage? Read at least one or two books about marriage, sex, massage, romance, interpersonal relationships, women, etc a year. You cannot drive your car forty-forevers without doing pro-active maintence on it and expect it to keep running ~ but that's how most men treat their women and their marriages! Men expect to interact with women today ~ as their fathers and grandfathers did when most women were SAHM's. But even if the wife is a SAHM ~ 60% of all the other women today have full time jobs? And, so their stuck at the house with nothing but little children. You try staying at home all day without little if any interaction with another adult? You'd climb the walls? (BTW A SAHM does the work of two forty hour week jobs ~ and then you wander where your sex life went?) While the women that do have full time jobs ~ they've got their other full time job waiting for them when they get home, and then you want to drag you butt in flop down in your boxer shorts with your Budda Belly, yelling at the wife to bring you a beer ~ and BTW ~ "When will dinner be ready! I'm straved!" Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 You are right about that, but some people have the doubts before they even decide to get married. Good marriages are a rarity in todays age, but I am not going to let other peoples bad experiences scare me away from doing something that I want to do someday. If it succeeds, good for me, but if it fails, its a risk that I took and I was glad to take a risk and not hide behind fear. There are enough good marriages to see that its definitely worth the risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Good marriages today are rare but they do exist. Hanging out with an old friend in a happy marriage a couple weeks ago gave me a new faith in marriage because I was feeling like no other happy marriages exist so I do think what a person is surrounded with effects who they view relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 In reading this thread ~ I don't think most of the women that have posted to it are qualified to make comment to it? Why? Because most women that post regularly here fall the right handside (A+ side) of the bell curve. Most come across to me as being of above average intellegence, education, and just good old common horse sense. They come across as strong, intellegent, loving, caring, nurturing ~ who give themselves what they want and need. As John Gray of Venus/Mars says they take responsibility for their own happiness and contentment, etc. They don't need a man in their lives, they want one in their lives? Someone who's going to compliment them and their lives and make them more of who and what they are? The problem is? I would say only about 10 to 30 percent more of less fall into this category? On the left hand side of the bell curve, there's a good 30-40 percent of the women I wouldn't even go out on a date with ~ let alone marry! I don't believe in the "one" nor the "soul-mate" but you see my pretty mug in the Sunday paper talking about getting married again ~ you can bet the farm that she's pretty damned special and unique among human beings let alone women? And madly, crazy about me ~ and has been for sometime? Why should a man get married? Lots of reasons, but they need to be for all the right reasons and not all the wrong ones? Compaionship for one, to have someone to build a history with for another. To have someone that makes you a better you. To have someone that compliments one another? To have someone remind you from time to time that sitting around all weekend in the same boxer shorts, in your recliner with your "Budda Belly' hanging out, un-bathed, un-shaven drinking beer really isn't cool! "And Dear, while we're at it? You really do need to work on that "Budda Belly!" Because serial and multi-dating? Really isn't all that fun? And besides? Most of us suck at it! Dating is like sales, you've got contact perhaps as many as 100 people to find just four prospects? Out of four? You might close one? That a pretty long drought for your averge Joe? Because of those little gifts that keep on giving? STD's The problem? Isn't marriage? The problem is finding the RIGHT someone to marry ~ be selective ~ be very selective! And, if an when you find the right one ~ remember that you've got to date your mate, don't take her for granted, don't become over confident that you've got her for life? What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her. Work on your marriage? Read at least one or two books about marriage, sex, massage, romance, interpersonal relationships, women, etc a year. You cannot drive your car forty-forevers without doing pro-active maintence on it and expect it to keep running ~ but that's how most men treat their women and their marriages! Men expect to interact with women today ~ as their fathers and grandfathers did when most women were SAHM's. But even if the wife is a SAHM ~ 60% of all the other women today have full time jobs? And, so their stuck at the house with nothing but little children. You try staying at home all day without little if any interaction with another adult? You'd climb the walls? (BTW A SAHM does the work of two forty hour week jobs ~ and then you wander where your sex life went?) While the women that do have full time jobs ~ they've got their other full time job waiting for them when they get home, and then you want to drag you butt in flop down in your boxer shorts with your Budda Belly, yelling at the wife to bring you a beer ~ and BTW ~ "When will dinner be ready! I'm straved!" Oh Gunny, I think I like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 any reasons? Lets hear 'em. Because he wants to. No other reason, explanation, justification, etc. is necessary! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I do think what a person is surrounded with effects who they view relationships. Only if you let it affect you. And that's completely up to you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author killer2021 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 I think the best question would be "Why does anybody get married?" How many people who marry, will not ever go through the experience of divorce at least one time in their life? Its much rarer to find happily married couples who have successful first marriages that have stayed together "until death do they part". I just worded it that way because the general consensus is that woman want to get married while men, not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I just worded it that way because the general consensus is that woman want to get married while men, not so much. I've been single, I've been married, I've done the "shacking up" deal. If I could find the right one ~ a good one? I'd get married, but I'm older, wiser, a Hell of a lot more experienced, and better educated about the subject ~ and becoming more so all the time. I read quite a bit, and one of my top subjects deals with books about relationships with women. Indeed that's what initially brought me to LS to begin with ~ and why I stayed. The biggest problem IMHO with men and marriage? Well? When was the last time you EVER saw a man reading in public "Five Languages of Love" , "Women Are From Vensus and Men Are From Mars", or any book of such a nature. When I bring up such subjects that actually squirm!! But once they find themselves with a Walk-A-Wife, getting financially @ss-raped in divorce court ~ they become embittered, lost, dazed, and confused. Standing on the street corner with their pants down around their ankles saying, "Wha-,wha-What happened? Wha-wha-what did I do? If and when you do find "true love" don't screw it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Only if you let it affect you. And that's completely up to you... Mr. Lucky That is true but it takes a lot of emotional strength to be surrounded bynegativity and not let it affect you. I don't think I am at that point right now. I have two friends right now going through some nasty stuff and I admit that it causes me to take a 2nd look at my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 That is true but it takes a lot of emotional strength to be surrounded bynegativity and not let it affect you. I don't think I am at that point right now. I have two friends right now going through some nasty stuff and I admit that it causes me to take a 2nd look at my situation. But your projecting the lives and experiences of others unpon yourself and your life ~ IMHO ~ and for the most part. And you, A4A, and others had a dicussion about as a man being a protector and a provider ~ simply was no longer enough to keep most women in Western Society happy and content. Women in Western Societies (WS ~ henceforth) are stressed! On the one hand ~ they're not only expected to go out and join the workforce, but they're expected to work a forty hour week job, and come home and put in another forty plus hours as if they were June Cleaver. The expectation to keep a prefect, decorated, clean, neat, organized home ~ falls to the woman ~ the pressure to do so? Comes not only from the husband's expectations but from outside as well ~ from other women, sisters, GF, mothers, their own grandmothers for crying out loud. The guy that I work for? Is a self made multimillionaire. Started out as a truck driver. Every truck that pulls out from his plant is carrying $40,000 to $60,000 of re-cycled plastics and lead from batteries. And one pulls of the lot about every five minutes or so ~ 24/7? Yet? He's the most miserable SOB I"ve ever meet? His wife isn't happy? She's stressed out trying to be the perfect wife, mother, and to meet up to the expectations of what a modern women should be? Read the book ~ "Why Mars and Venus Collide" by John Gray, PhD. If you don't "do reading" its available in audio. And you'll find yourself having some "Aha" moments. I'm by far not a "sensetive new-age kind of guy" nor a femininist ~ just a guy trying to see and understand things from the otherside? And, I'll be the first to step up on the soapbox and tell women that they need to take responsibility for their own peace of mind, happiness, and contentment. At the bare minimum their responsible for 90% of such. Its not my place nor purpose in life to fill you up with such? That's YOUR job, just like its my job to do the same. Its not some woman's job to bring contentment, happines, and peace of mind to myself and my life! IMHO, Woggle? Your seeking perfection! You're never going to find it! Its a myth, a fallacy! Your worrying about things that don't amount to a hill of nothing? You've only got two things to worry about in this life? Wheather your healthy or ill? If your healthy? You've got NOTHING to worry about? If your ill? You've still only got just two things to worry about? Wheather you're going to live or die? If you live? You've got nothing to worry about? And if you die? You've still have only two things to worry about? Wheather your going to go to Heaven or Hell? If you go to Heaven? You've got nothing to worry about, and if you go to Hell? Hell it won't matter, you'll be so busy shaking hands with and saying Hello to all your friends and buddies ~ it won't matter! At the end of the day? Its all about perspective and attitude? You can see the glass half empty ~ or half full? Its all relative? In the end? Most people are about as happy and content as they make their minds up to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 If everybody else is catching a disease how can I not worry at times whether I will be affected. I don't expect perfection at all from my wife. In fact I don't care whether she cooks, cleans or any of that and if anybody has a problem with how our home looks they are welcome not to come here anymore. All I ask is don't nag, don't cheat and at least give each other a kiss and a how was your day when we get home. I don't think that is too much to ask. I am actually quite an easy guy to live with. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Good marriages today are rare but they do exist. Hanging out with an old friend in a happy marriage a couple weeks ago gave me a new faith in marriage because I was feeling like no other happy marriages exist so I do think what a person is surrounded with effects who they view relationships. Hip Hip Hooray! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted February 23, 2008 Senior Moderators Share Posted February 23, 2008 I hereby place this thread in nomination as the one in hundreds of thousands on LoveShack that contains the most on-topic posts. While the topic is "why should men get married" the last grouping of posts seem to discuss marriage in general but that's a good thing and pretty close to the topic. For a thread in this forum to reach beyond 100 posts and still be reasonably on topic is nothing short of a miracle....I knew there was a reason I woke up in the middle of the night! Let us continue.....on topic.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I hereby place this thread in nomination as the one in hundreds of thousands on LoveShack that contains the most on-topic posts. While the topic is "why should men get married" the last grouping of posts seem to discuss marriage in general but that's a good thing and pretty close to the topic. For a thread in this forum to reach beyond 100 posts and still be reasonably on topic is nothing short of a miracle....I knew there was a reason I woke up in the middle of the night! Let us continue.....on topic.... :lmao: :lmao: You woke up in the middle of the night to read LS.. wow.. Tony you need a woman by your side!!! (but maybe you have one... ) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Wow! I was still :lmao: :lmao: from the comment pages earlier about marriage and motherhood being "instinctive" for women :lmao: :lmao: when along comes this: The biggest problem IMHO with men and marriage? Well? When was the last time you EVER saw a man reading in public "Five Languages of Love" , "Women Are From Vensus and Men Are From Mars", or any book of such a nature. When I bring up such subjects that actually squirm!! I've never seen ANYONE of either gender with a fraction of a brain cell being willing to be seen reading such equine genitalia in public! I did, however, once see it on a previous lover's bookshelf and that was the end of him, instantly! Anyone who believes that kind of crude gender stereotyping is certainly not getting into my knickers! But to get back on topic - which I'm not entirely sure now whether it's the thread title "why should a man get married" or the bulk of the posts "whether men need a prenup or Wog is just being gynophobic" given Tony's comment that this thread has substantively stayed on topic... :p "Why should a man get married" - if the man in question is my MM, in the midst of a D from his stbxW, the answer is "so that he can be together with the woman he loves". Because we are of different nationalities, wherever we decide to live at least one of us will need to get a visa and a work permit and the fastest, least problematic way to do that is by marrying. MM and his W originally married - after living together for years - because of tax advantages, but the instant the ink dried she started wanting to breed. He didn't. She binned her contraceptives secretly and fell pregnant without his agreement and next thing he wasn't just a husband but a daddy. Yes, she no doubt could have done that had they not been married, but the fact that she didn't indicates IMO that she worried that he could walk away from it and leave her with the consequences of her actions instead of having to carry at least half the burden for her - that changed with marriage. Just like James warned... So yes, I can think of many reasons for men NOT to marry. Just as I can think of even more for women not to marry - and I know very few women who've WANTED to marry, most have simply gone along with it because of societal, family and boyfriend pressure (young guys wanting to get ahead at work are taken more seriously in some work contexts if they're married, for some wacko reason). Reasons to marry, for either gender - far fewer. But sometimes compelling and so you sigh, shrug and surrender. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 There are enough good marriages to see that its definitely worth the risk. Agreed 110%. If everybody else is catching a disease how can I not worry at times whether I will be affected. At times? You are more like around the clock........... You can either leap and take a risk that can pay off with nice benefits or you can hide in fear and always wonder "what if". Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I think most men get married because they want somebody to take care of them, and because they don't want to keep working so hard to get laid. Dating is hard work for a man. Just like when they are in an A... M is all about them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 I think most men get married because they want somebody to take care of them, and because they don't want to keep working so hard to get laid. Dating is hard work for a man. Just like when they are in an A... M is all about them. Actually, for me, it was the opposite; I wanted to share my gifts and "take care" of my wife. Lotta good that did I understand now, through therapy, that I have a non-conventional perspective on how "normal" relationships work. At least I've identified the issue; I won't make that mistake again LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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