why should a man get married?

[killer2021]

I think that a lot of men would NOT get married if it wasn't for the woman who desperately WANTS to get married.

 

I've heard that more than once.. 'I'm getting married because that what's SHE wants, I don't really care if we don't'...

 

So I think it's more important for women than it is for men...

 

Yea, that is why I am asking . I recently told my GF that i would never marry her or have kids (she wanted both). She gave me every reason to marry her but I held my ground. We had a perfect relationship up until that point compatible on almost every aspect except the marriage kid/thing. I figured she would have left me shortly after but she didn't. She decided to stick around and try to change me. After a bout a week she decided to stop having sex with me and that was when I told her that it was over. I haven't talk to her since.

 

I was just asking to make sure I made the right decision.

[Pyro]

Yea, that is why I am asking . I recently told my GF that i would never marry her or have kids (she wanted both). She gave me every reason to marry her but I held my ground. We had a perfect relationship up until that point compatible on almost every aspect except the marriage kid/thing. I figured she would have left me shortly after but she didn't. She decided to stick around and try to change me. After a bout a week she decided to stop having sex with me and that was when I told her that it was over. I haven't talk to her since.

 

I was just asking to make sure I made the right decision.

 

Shame on her for handling things so immaturely.

 

Witholding sex will not solve anything.

[sally4sara]

I see more benefits of marriage for men than women, yet I still see more women wanting it. I don't get that part completely, but I think its because society still makes women feel that any guy she is with doesn't really love her unless he is willing to marry her. I even had someone on this forum tell me my BF wasn't really invested in me. It didn't matter that I didn't feel I needed to get married in the first place. The fact that my BF wasn't putting pressure on me to marry anyway meant he wasn't serious about our relationship.

I am divorced. My marriage benefited the ex waaayyy more than it ever did me. When we would file our taxes jointly, he could go anywhere and cash that check in both our names even if I had not signed it and wasn't with him. Then he would go blow it. But if I tried to do the same so I could ensure it went towards bills and into savings, I would be told he had to be with me. People trust a married man in more business transactions than they do a woman because they think whatever she decides might change once she runs it by her husband. That is just a few examples I dealt with. So I've been known to say that marriage is for men and that I'll never do it again.

Well it looks like thats going to change. The subject has been put to me and I see how it will secure things for us both in the near future. I said he could propose and I'd likely say yes, but it's what JamesT put in this thread that scares the crap out of me on the subject.

 

Marriage changes everything about your relationship and how you see your partner.

Oh WOW, I really hope not. We are so happy the way we are right now. It scares me that that might change not knowing how that change will manifest. We are making this choice because upcoming professional opportunities might take my BF to another location. Barcelona. I can move my son anywhere I need to for any job I take because I have full physical and legal custody. The BF is worried that if he gets the job in Barcelona, the courts here won't see it as necessary for me to move with him if we are not married and the EX decides to fuss about it. Does that mean everything will change between us just because of that piece of paper?....so scary!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Here is another thread on LS about this topic. I am sure there are more.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t65477/

 

Interesting enough, I noticed that Woggle posted on that thread, and HE is now married. Here is his post:

 

 

So, Chrome, although I know you had a tough past, never say never. Many people marry without reasons, and they stay married. Many people marry who have great reasons ("he/she makes me feel good," "we LOVE each other," etc.), and they divorce. It is not always with reason that we love and marry.

 

Oh I believe good marriages can and still happen in this day and age and I'm all for it. but damn, the stats make it hard to believe you know.

 

And I see woggle has success, in his second marriage more than his first but my take is I only want to get married once. I dont want to get married a second or 3rd time. And if I dont meet ms right I'd rather stay single you know.

[JamesM]

 

I was just asking to make sure I made the right decision.

 

IMO, you did.

[Lizzie60]

For various reasons....selfishness being one of them.

 

I don't care what the stats say. Marriage is a risk, just like everything else and I have no problem with taking that risk someday.

 

 

I know I know.. you're young.. you think it will never happen to you.. just wait another 5 years... then come back and tell us about it..

[Lizzie60]

Yea, that is why I am asking . I recently told my GF that i would never marry her or have kids (she wanted both). She gave me every reason to marry her but I held my ground. We had a perfect relationship up until that point compatible on almost every aspect except the marriage kid/thing. I figured she would have left me shortly after but she didn't. She decided to stick around and try to change me. After a bout a week she decided to stop having sex with me and that was when I told her that it was over. I haven't talk to her since.

 

I was just asking to make sure I made the right decision.

 

You made the right decision for sure, if you don't want to get married and you don't want kids.. then by no means, DO NOT get married and HAVE kids.. please don't..

[Lizzie60]

IMO a lot of girls want to get married because they want the fairy-tale day.. with the long white dress, the flowers, the ring.. the 'big show'

it's like a dream.. men don't see it that way..

[Pyro]

I know I know.. you're young.. you think it will never happen to you.. just wait another 5 years... then come back and tell us about it..

 

Please show me at what point I stated that it would never happen to me........

 

Was it the post where I stated that marriage is a RISK and I have no problem taking that RISK?

[Pyro]

IMO a lot of girls want to get married because they want the fairy-tale day.. with the long white dress, the flowers, the ring.. the 'big show'

it's like a dream.. men don't see it that way..

 

I see it as proclaimng my love and devotion to the one person whom I care deeply for. I am also a traditionalist in that regard.

[Woggle]

A man should only get married if a woman is worth marrying and doesn't have a throwaway attitude. He should also make her sign a bulletproof prenup in case she flakes out and turns on him. If a woman shows any resistance to a prenup run because the same women that lecture about commitment are the ones that will turn on you in a second and want a divorce. When a marriage works it can be a great thing but women tend to be unstable and getting married with no protection for a man is like playing russian roulette with your life.

[Pyro]

A man should only get married if a woman is worth marrying and doesn't have a throwaway attitude. He should also make her sign a bulletproof prenup in case she flakes out and turns on him. If a woman shows any resistance to a prenup run because the same women that lecture about commitment are the ones that will turn on you in a second and want a divorce. When a marriage works it can be a great thing but women tend to be unstable and getting married with no protection for a man is like playing russian roulette with your life.

 

How about having the guy sign a prenup? We aren't perfect beings either.

[sally4sara]

A man should only get married if a woman is worth marrying and doesn't have a throwaway attitude. He should also make her sign a bulletproof prenup in case she flakes out and turns on him. If a woman shows any resistance to a prenup run because the same women that lecture about commitment are the ones that will turn on you in a second and want a divorce. When a marriage works it can be a great thing but women tend to be unstable and getting married with no protection for a man is like playing russian roulette with your life.

 

here we go again....

I suppose you consider yourself stable? You never seem to know if you want to be in your marriage half the time and never seem to need any solid reason to doubt it.

Just saying, if you're going to continue to bash women on here, you shouldn't attribute qualities to them you exhibit all the time too.

 

Gah! Of all the reasons a person, male or female, should or shouldn't marry, lets stick to real reasons and not generalizations where we all look and act like ONE person someone use to be with. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm wearing Woggle's ex wife's face as an ill-fitting mask.

[Woggle]

How about having the guy sign a prenup? We aren't perfect beings either.

 

Men are not nearly as unstable as women when it comes to relationships and the courts are not biased in our favor.

[sb129]

I see it as proclaimng my love and devotion to the one person whom I care deeply for. I am also a traditionalist in that regard.

 

Aw. Me too. Thats why me and Wonderboy are getting married.

 

There is no event, no occasion, no moment in your life when so many of the people who matter to you will convene in one place as they will at your wedding.

Apart from maybe your funeral- which is not as much fun.

 

 

A man should only get married if a woman is worth marrying and doesn't have a throwaway attitude. He should also make her sign a bulletproof prenup in case she flakes out and turns on him. If a woman shows any resistance to a prenup run because the same women that lecture about commitment are the ones that will turn on you in a second and want a divorce. When a marriage works it can be a great thing but women tend to be unstable and getting married with no protection for a man is like playing russian roulette with your life.

 

 

:lmao::lmao: Oh Woggle, you really are hilarious. I hope you have some daughters... now THAT I will stick around LS for.

 

How about having the guy sign a prenup? We aren't perfect beings either.

 

Thankyou Pyro. We aren't having a prenup.

 

In some ways it defeats the purpose of getting married IMO. And its putting quite a negative spin on things. (ie, what will happen if we split)

 

If you want to keep everything so separate, why bother getting married in the first place?

 

I can't wait for our wedding, its not going to be that OTT but it will be a helluva party. I am also excited about being WBs wife. And I am NOT planning on letting myself go or get fat either Pyro.

(i have been warned you don't need a prenup to have terms and conditions lol)

I like the idea that we are building our life together and we will be publicly declaring it in front of our friends and family.

 

I guess I am more old fashioned than I ever thought- I never used to be that into the idea of marriage until I met WB>

[Pyro]

Men are not nearly as unstable as women when it comes to relationships and the courts are not biased in our favor.

 

Just in your experience. Not always the case.

[Enema]

My fiance claims she wants to get married because of pressure from her parents. (Very traditional asians).

 

Though, she seems to be getting excited about it and I've caught her practicing her new signature with my last name

 

I couldn't care less about marriage. The only reason I agreed to do it was to keep the peace and because I'm not paying for it.

[Lizzie60]

My fiance claims she wants to get married because of pressure from her parents. (Very traditional asians).

 

Though, she seems to be getting excited about it and I've caught her practicing her new signature with my last name

 

I couldn't care less about marriage. The only reason I agreed to do it was to keep the peace and because I'm not paying for it.

 

You're the typical male.. At least, you're honest..

[JerseyShortie]

Men are not nearly as unstable as women when it comes to relationships and the courts are not biased in our favor.

 

 

Still. A pre-nup for either sex is a good idea. I don't want him running off with the pool boy AND my Strawberry Short Cake tea set!

[Mr. Lucky]

I think you get married to provide a stable and structured environment for yourselves and, eventually, your children. All macho posturing aside, marriage helps buffer a couple from those forces, both internal and external, that try to pry them apart. It provides an extra set of moral, legal and financial reasons to stay the course and make something real and permanent out of something as ephemeral as "love". Long term, it serves the same purpose in the growth of our children as one of the foundations that they use to transition into adulthood and independence.

 

When successful, it has a real and measurable value...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lovelybird]

Yea, that is why I am asking . I recently told my GF that i would never marry her or have kids (she wanted both). She gave me every reason to marry her but I held my ground. We had a perfect relationship up until that point compatible on almost every aspect except the marriage kid/thing. I figured she would have left me shortly after but she didn't. She decided to stick around and try to change me. After a bout a week she decided to stop having sex with me and that was when I told her that it was over. I haven't talk to her since.

 

I was just asking to make sure I made the right decision.

you did right thing, you did a favour for her

 

I think marriage this way.

 

In the beginning of the marriage, the man and woman have hope for a sweet future, feel like the another can make them happy, and decide to give self to make another happy as well, so they vow 'through thick and thin'

 

when they face reality, actually there are two egO constantly abrase with each other, each ego requires another ego to satisfy itself, sometimes on the sacrifice of another ego.

 

Dark age comes when two egos don't want to humble themselves, don't want to become selfless for another

 

there can be a sweet hot warm marriage, when each learn to be humble, learn to push their pride aside, learn to love another in spite of their imperfection and hurt they did

 

If you stay in single, you may always stay in your selfish shell, never grow up

 

In a word, marriage is for grow up, to be more mature, if you conquer that, you have happy marriage

Edited February 22, 2008 by Lovelybird

[Pyro]

Thankyou Pyro. We aren't having a prenup.

 

In some ways it defeats the purpose of getting married IMO. And its putting quite a negative spin on things. (ie, what will happen if we split)

 

If you want to keep everything so separate, why bother getting married in the first place?

 

I can't wait for our wedding, its not going to be that OTT but it will be a helluva party. I am also excited about being WBs wife. And I am NOT planning on letting myself go or get fat either Pyro.

(i have been warned you don't need a prenup to have terms and conditions lol)

I guess I am more old fashioned than I ever thought- I never used to be that into the idea of marriage until I met WB>

 

I guess that I am still up in the air about prenups. You should think pratical about these things. I mean nothing is fool proof and anything is possible, (Just being realistic about it) but on the other side of the coin it does show that you don't fully trust the person and you should be able to trust the person before you decide to get married.

 

Good for you on keeping in shape.

[sb129]

I guess that I am still up in the air about prenups. You should think pratical about these things. I mean nothing is fool proof and anything is possible, (Just being realistic about it) but on the other side of the coin it does show that you don't fully trust the person and you should be able to trust the person before you decide to get married.

 

Good for you on keeping in shape.

 

Well, at the present time, neither of us have any assets that need protecting, and our salaries are roughly the same.

 

We have thought about a few things though.. we know that nothing is foolproof.

 

We have decided that any property we buy jointly will be bought via a trust for any children we might have (this also protects the property if I ever get sued- a possibility in my profession).

 

I guess we will have to work through things as they arise.

 

Re: keeping in shape... I am dragging myself to the gym in half an hour, its just sooooo hard to get out the door!

[Pyro]

Well, at the present time, neither of us have any assets that need protecting, and our salaries are roughly the same.

 

We have thought about a few things though.. we know that nothing is foolproof.

 

We have decided that any property we buy jointly will be bought via a trust for any children we might have (this also protects the property if I ever get sued- a possibility in my profession).

 

I guess we will have to work through things as they arise.

 

Re: keeping in shape... I am dragging myself to the gym in half an hour, its just sooooo hard to get out the door!

 

Working through them as they arise is all that you can do, or you can look at things in a negative perspective like some individuals........

 

I could never do the early morning gym thing. Afternoon or nightime for me.

[sb129]

Its 10.39am here... not that early. I am still in bed though. . I love Fridays! (no work).

 

Prenups aren't really a big thing where we are from. I can see some circumstances where they might be appropriate. I would have considered one with my last BF... but thats because i didn't trust him, and the R ended terribly so what does that tell you?!

 

Wonderboy is a pretty reasonable guy- I know the only way to change that is to cheat on him, which I have no intention of doing.