jmargel Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Her lack of empathy feeds into your insecurity.. This is making you putting your own self-worth into her. When she puts you down or shows that you are a disappointment to her, then you feel that way about yourself. My wife is also among those who lack empathy, however when she tries to lay blanket statements, my comment to her is 'If you don't want me, then please leave. Don't look back because I won't be there'. Open that cage door wide open for her, I can guarantee she won't fly away. Her lack of empathy is due to her past and her immaturity. Seriously I don't know how you put up with her all these years. I'm only on my third year of marriage and I'm at my limit. Stop blaming yourself and stop allowing her to blame you for everything.. It's time to start living with confidence. Give her a dose of 'Women are like buses, if she goes another one is around the corner'. Women like her don't appreciate what they have, they get so comfortable they take their spouse for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Tbh, you do sound exhausting! Your W sounds like she's trying really hard to make things work despite the fact that it does actually drive her nuts having you act so dependent on her ALL the time. Sounds like she can't even Facebook her friends without you getting all jealous and demanding to see her messages and that is NOT cool. I'd break up with a guy in a SECOND if he did that to me (ok you are M with kids but the principle is the same - its bad behaviour, controlling, etc). She must really love you to still work and work at this. I suggest you get your ass down the gym, get in shape, join a couple of clubs and make new friends and put a couple of evenings aside every week (or whatever works for your schedule) to be with new friends - i.e. not always hanging out with your W...give the poor woman some breathing space. I bet that'll really change things for the better between you two! And if you can't leave her alone for 5 mins to go to a class, or whatever, cause of what you're scared she'll do....then all I can say is, STOP being so damn clingy and insecure - thats ridiculous and the biggest turn off ever. Right now this all sounds a bit emasculating - you're kinda the whiney, dependent, insecure one in need of reassurance and she seems to be calling the shots...you HAVE to reverse that as a woman does NOT like a man who acts so needy. In other words, man up, seriously. You are the ONLY person responsible for your own happiness - you shouldnt be making your W be the centre of your world and the only source of happiness you have-you're effectively making it her responsibility for you to be happy right now, and if she isnt catering for all of your many overblown insecurities 100% of the time, you figure she'll leave you...thats a big pressure on her, and so unfair, so you need to stop being so neurotic and sort it out! You sound like you have a good heart tho, so I really hope this works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JamesT Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 I'd go out on a limb and do something completely manly, that being making spontaneous love to her in the bathroom Unfortunately at this stage I cant even get in the bathroom when shes in there without her telling me to get out. But who knows if I work on the weight and the other problems it may be a possibility in the near future. Jmargel, Wow do you know my wife? Youve described her to a T. I suppose I never stopped to think that it might just be her nature but Im starting to see it more that way and agree with your comments. Thanks for the advice. Torranceshipman, Right now this all sounds a bit emasculating - you're kinda the whiney, dependent, insecure one in need of reassurance and she seems to be calling the shots...you HAVE to reverse that as a woman does NOT like a man who acts so needy. In other words, man up, seriously. Mate your dead right there, thats exactly what she tells me and I agree with you/her 100% its just that I dont know how to fix it. I suppose Im already half way there by the fact that I can at least admit there is a problem and I know what the problem is. Your post along with everyone elses in this thread has been really helpful and I thank you all very much. Its good to hear other peoples opinions who arent biased and don't entirely blame one person. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Unfortunately at this stage I cant even get in the bathroom when shes in there without her telling me to get out. But who knows if I work on the weight and the other problems it may be a possibility in the near future. While almost unfathomable to a HSP, the manly thing to do is to just take her. No telling; no listening. I will experiment with my wife if I can get her to come home. If I try this at my mom's house, where she lives during the week now, oh my eyes, my eyes !! Lose some weight, if that works for you, then have at it Link to post Share on other sites
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