Serious consequences of adultry

[the_dean]

I thought it might be good to have a general topic about many of the bad things that can happen when you get involved with another person.

 

I will tell you guys that I am pretty much opened minded and do understand why people would have affairs as I have myself. However, there are a lot of bad things that can happen.

 

Golddiggers -- This goes for either sex. Lets said your middle aged and you hook up with a hot 20 something chick. She may just try to get as much money from you as possible. This could also resoet to threatening to call your spouse which would pretty much be extortion.

 

Mentally Unstable -- Even if a person seems to mentally stable during the time that you met them, they may night be especially if you try to end the affair with the other person. The person might be upset, come to your house, call your spouse, come sse at your place of work, etc.

 

Guilt Ridden OW - This could happen the other way around also. Lets say you have an affair with another woman. She feels really guilty and tells her husband. Her husband could be a gun totey fanatic who wants revenge on you for doing his wife.

 

I could go on and on but for anyone CONSIDERING having an affair, I think she should know some of the possible consequences such as the ones listed below:

 

Divorce. And keep in mind you would lose the case as adultry is considered next to murder.

 

Financial Problems from divorce and Ailiomony, Child Support, etc.

 

Possibility of getting to see your children very little.

 

Getting Beat up/Killed. An angry spouse might not care about reprucussions

 

Extended Family Issues. You might not feel real comfortable at the next family reunion if it is known you cheated on your spouse.

 

Guilt/Depression. Psychological effects of just having an affair or usually pretty bad. It is much worse if you get caught having and affair and are divorced. There are many people that never fully recover.

 

STDs -- Not a pleasent thought. Even if you use a condom, many people do not for certain acts that they dont feel like they need it. Give your wife VD and see how well that goes over. Also keep in mind that you could catch non STD type viral/bacterial/other types of nasties.

 

Extortion/Blackmail -- What if someone else finds out or you were being used by another person. How would you like it they threatened to telll your spouse unless you paid them xxxxx amount of dollars? Note:

 

Civil Suits -- There are different civil (and actually criminal in somecases.) charges that can be filed against you for adultry. Your partner can actually be sued for ailienation of affection in some states.

 

Tarnished Reputation -- Your reputation could be damaged a great deal especialy in smaller towns and suburbs.

 

Loss of Job -- It is not uncommon for people to be fired when it is known they had an affair. The company will find another reason for it but your supervisor might not think highly of you if he/she knows about.

 

I am one that thinks everyone should make their own as to what is right or wrong for them. However, everyone should know the possible consequences.

 

I am sure there are a lot I am leaving out. Anyone else?

 

Dean

[marlena]

I think you have covered most of them.

 

Oh, did you mention getting stalked and killed?

[the_dean]

I think you have covered most of them.

 

Oh, did you mention getting stalked and killed?

 

I mentioned getting killed and inferred the stalking part by a mentally unbalanced person.

 

Dean

[EnigmaXOXO]

Much simpler for me:

 

Never muck with someone else’s life. Cause you never know when the toes you step on are attached to someone crazier than you.

[marlena]

Oh,yeah,Dean, just saw it!

 

Scary stuff for sure!

[Trialbyfire]

Add in losing something you didn't fully appreciate until it was gone.

[Owl]

TANSTAAFL-

 

 

"There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"

 

Everything comes at a price.

[Trialbyfire]

There's also an unwanted pregnancy, sometimes deliberate, sometimes accidental.

[stampdaddy]

I will add broken hearts and spirits, all the way around, lack of respect for not only yourself, but the person you "thought" the MW/MM was, lack of trust, lack of self esteem, waste of years off of your life, and for me, loss of purpose and the "hopes" that certain things were real and you were on your path....

[Laptop2008]

I am sure there are a lot I am leaving out. Anyone else?

 

Dean

 

So, how is your situation now with the OW and your W? Did you (or your wife/family) suffer any of the consequences?

Edited February 21, 2008 by Laptop2008

[the_dean]

So, how is your situation now with the OW and your W? Did you (or your wife/family) suffer any of the consequences?

 

Of course I suffered consequences. However, I am trying to keep this on-topic

 

I think people have done a good job of filling in the blanks.

 

Dean

[Lizzie60]

Pretty much all consequences have been covered..

 

but

 

you might suffered these consequences ONLY if you get caught..

[LucreziaBorgia]

Pretty much all consequences have been covered..

 

but

 

you might suffered these consequences ONLY if you get caught..

 

I dunno. I can think of a few that a philanderer might suffer even if he/she didn't get caught: having a bunny boiler or a stalker for an OW/OM that MM/MW can't get rid of, OW getting pregnant and extorting support money from MM in exchange for keeping the secret, OW/OM threatening to tell the BS if they don't get their way, etc.

[Lizzie60]

I dunno. I can think of a few that a philanderer might suffer even if he/she didn't get caught: having a bunny boiler or a stalker for an OW/OM that MM/MW can't get rid of, OW getting pregnant and extorting support money from MM in exchange for keeping the secret, OW/OM threatening to tell the BS if they don't get their way, etc.

 

Oh.. of course if the OW is a psycho.. then yes you can be in deep sh*t..

[OldEurope]

....And sometimes the "consequences" are that a person finds great love and happiness in their OW turned new spouse, and leaves a marriage that was more a risk to his physical and emotional well-being than any of the psycho-scenarios listed here.

 

Not all "affairs" are about sex and philandering. Divorce is difficult and difficult on children and it is understandable that a person will fall in love with someone else when living in an unloving, uncaring household with an abusive or manipulative spouse. Yes, BS are sometimes to blame.

 

Xo

OE

[Lizzie60]

Well said OE.. I totally agree... in a lot of cases, the BS is to blame..

[Trialbyfire]

I think you need to be a little off...base...in order to allow yourself to traffic with MM/MW or OW/OM. While judgement errors happen, if it happens more than once, best to look inside of you, define what causes unhealthy needs and fix whatever's broken.

[Pyro]

I thought it might be good to have a general topic about many of the bad things that can happen when you get involved with another person.

 

I will tell you guys that I am pretty much opened minded and do understand why people would have affairs as I have myself. However, there are a lot of bad things that can happen.

 

Golddiggers -- This goes for either sex. Lets said your middle aged and you hook up with a hot 20 something chick. She may just try to get as much money from you as possible. This could also resoet to threatening to call your spouse which would pretty much be extortion.

 

Mentally Unstable -- Even if a person seems to mentally stable during the time that you met them, they may night be especially if you try to end the affair with the other person. The person might be upset, come to your house, call your spouse, come sse at your place of work, etc.

 

Guilt Ridden OW - This could happen the other way around also. Lets say you have an affair with another woman. She feels really guilty and tells her husband. Her husband could be a gun totey fanatic who wants revenge on you for doing his wife.

 

I could go on and on but for anyone CONSIDERING having an affair, I think she should know some of the possible consequences such as the ones listed below:

 

Divorce. And keep in mind you would lose the case as adultry is considered next to murder.

 

Financial Problems from divorce and Ailiomony, Child Support, etc.

 

Possibility of getting to see your children very little.

 

Getting Beat up/Killed. An angry spouse might not care about reprucussions

 

Extended Family Issues. You might not feel real comfortable at the next family reunion if it is known you cheated on your spouse.

 

Guilt/Depression. Psychological effects of just having an affair or usually pretty bad. It is much worse if you get caught having and affair and are divorced. There are many people that never fully recover.

 

STDs -- Not a pleasent thought. Even if you use a condom, many people do not for certain acts that they dont feel like they need it. Give your wife VD and see how well that goes over. Also keep in mind that you could catch non STD type viral/bacterial/other types of nasties.

 

Extortion/Blackmail -- What if someone else finds out or you were being used by another person. How would you like it they threatened to telll your spouse unless you paid them xxxxx amount of dollars? Note:

 

Civil Suits -- There are different civil (and actually criminal in somecases.) charges that can be filed against you for adultry. Your partner can actually be sued for ailienation of affection in some states.

 

Tarnished Reputation -- Your reputation could be damaged a great deal especialy in smaller towns and suburbs.

 

Loss of Job -- It is not uncommon for people to be fired when it is known they had an affair. The company will find another reason for it but your supervisor might not think highly of you if he/she knows about.

 

I am one that thinks everyone should make their own as to what is right or wrong for them. However, everyone should know the possible consequences.

 

I am sure there are a lot I am leaving out. Anyone else?

 

Dean

 

I say you about covered them all.

 

People should really consider things before they decide to get involved with a MM or MW.

[stampdaddy]

I think you need to be a little off...base...in order to allow yourself to traffic with MM/MW or OW/OM. While judgement errors happen, if it happens more than once, best to look inside of you, define what causes unhealthy needs and fix whatever's broken.

That is a little strong.. I'm a good guy, and I NEVER wanted an affair, but presto, that is what I have.. all along, I thought I showed up "early" in a marriage that was heading for divorce.. Did I "justify"? of course.. Does it make me a "jerk", I hope not, because I only feel like I truly loved someone that was in her "exit affair".....

[Trialbyfire]

That is a little strong.. I'm a good guy, and I NEVER wanted an affair, but presto, that is what I have.. all along, I thought I showed up "early" in a marriage that was heading for divorce.. Did I "justify"? of course.. Does it make me a "jerk", I hope not, because I only feel like I truly loved someone that was in her "exit affair".....

Are you suggesting that you had no control over the situation and that you just "fell" in love with a stranger at first glance? I suspect her husband, the man she was trying to exit from, would consider you one. I don't know you, therefore, can't say for certain if you're a jerk or not.

[stampdaddy]

Are you suggesting that you had no control over the situation and that you just "fell" in love with a stranger at first glance? I suspect her husband, the man she was trying to exit from, would consider you one. I don't know you, therefore, can't say for certain if you're a jerk or not.

Yes he would and he should... And I am in no way trying to say my role in this relationship was correct.. It just happend, and it happened to a good guy.. And I WILL be very sorry forever, if this doesnt go a certain way... That will be hard..

[Pyro]

I think you need to be a little off...base...in order to allow yourself to traffic with MM/MW or OW/OM. While judgement errors happen, if it happens more than once, best to look inside of you, define what causes unhealthy needs and fix whatever's broken.

 

I agree. Everyone makes mistakes and is entitiled to one f*ck up in regards to this.

[Cobra_X30]

I say you about covered them all.

 

People should really consider things before they decide to get involved with a MM or MW.

 

Umm... of all the bad things that CAN happen, I'm not really sure most of them really DO happen in most cases.

 

Don't we half the time see the BS pretty much lick boots to get the WS back?

 

Personally, I think the consequences are generally light and often non-existant, especially in situations where there is no marriage.

[NoIDidn't]

....And sometimes the "consequences" are that a person finds great love and happiness in their OW turned new spouse, and leaves a marriage that was more a risk to his physical and emotional well-being than any of the psycho-scenarios listed here.

 

Not all "affairs" are about sex and philandering. Divorce is difficult and difficult on children and it is understandable that a person will fall in love with someone else when living in an unloving, uncaring household with an abusive or manipulative spouse. Yes, BS are sometimes to blame.

 

Xo

OE

 

But that isn't what this thread was about. The OP was obviously looking for reasons NOT to have an A, not for the ever elusive for the vast majority of folks in As that Don't end up together. Or even if they do, its always shrouded in shame.

 

There are consequences to having an A. I take it to mean that the OP was looking for negative consequences, not pie in the sky.

[TMCM]

Well said OE.. I totally agree... in a lot of cases, the BS is to blame..

 

For the destruction of the marriage? yes a lot of BS are the major contributors of the poisoning their marriages BUT in no way are they responsible for the choice of the WS to have an affair. The WS bares sole responsibility for that.