Serious consequences of adultry

[Owl]

I've been through both.

 

I FAR, FAR, FAR prefer #1 over #2.

 

Because while the physical may have changed, I still love her.

 

This is an odd poll. BTW...I'm STILL looking for your response to my questions, Dean.

[Pyro]

KEWL!! Thanks man! I can now go out and cheat once. Afterall, I am "entitled", right?

 

I was stating my opinion on that matter.

 

If someone cheats and they realize the error of their ways then I can forgive the person, but only if they are truly sorry for what they did and they make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

People have the capability of change.

[Owl]

Dean- Have you been through either? I'm curious, because I've never heard anyone who's been cheated on say that they preferred it over anything else.

[Pyro]

I was stating my opinion on that matter.

 

If someone cheats and they realize the error of their ways then I can forgive the person, but only if they are truly sorry for what they did and they make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

People have the capability of change.

 

Add on:

 

If you would go back and read the post that I referenced when I made that original comment about a second chance, you will see what I mean.

[Tomcat33]

Question for all Men: (women can reverse question)

 

If you had to choose between the following, which would you prefer:

 

1. Your previously hot wife to have gained 200lbs and haw no concerns about appearance.

 

2. Your wife is still really hot but has an affair on you? (EA/PA/Both)?

 

 

I would take 2 all day long if given the choice.

 

 

C'mon who gains 200lbs Dean? :laugh:

Make it a little more realistic...that seems too extreme.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I’m female, so my perspective may be naturally different than a males.

 

I’ll take number ONE any day!

 

I pretty much outgrew that superficial stuff after my twenties. More concerned with my own appearance (being female) than anyone else’s. And perhaps this is unique only to my personal experiences, but I’ve often found that the most attractive people to look at on the surface are often the most insecure, shallow (and sometimes ugliest) people on the inside. The only exception to that rule I have found, were those who didn’t grow up being popular and beautiful, somehow blossomed as they got older, but never spent enough time in front of a mirror to realize it. They’re still that bashful, awkward dork underneath it all. (My guy )

 

While I can certainly admire what there is to look at on the outside ... I can only ‘fall in love’ with the person they are on the inside. And if he gained 200 pounds, I’d still love the crap out of him as long as he stayed the same beautiful human being he was on the inside.

 

Hoo Boy! Am I ever GLAD I wasn’t born with a penis!

[EnigmaXOXO]

I REALLY wish we could see this theory tested.

 

Well ... I’m a d*mn brilliant cook, so he’s already put on forty. Complaining about the “moobies” growing where his pecks use to be and yelling at the dryer for shrinking all his clothes. He’s traded in the tight leather jeans for a pair of a baggy sweat pants and wife-beater shirt. And has even quit shaving his balls.

 

Don’t care. I STILL think he’s hot!

[Tomcat33]

I think people who choose option #1 are probably people who place no value on physical appearance because they have let themselves go.

[Tomcat33]

he’s already put on forty. Complaining about the “moobies” growing where his pecks use to be and yelling at the dryer for shrinking all his clothes. He’s traded in the tight leather jeans for a pair of a baggy sweat pants and wife-beater shirt. And has even quit shaving his balls.

 

Have you done the same?

[EnigmaXOXO]

So you're saying you're one of the ones who has dated morbidly obese people?

 

I believe the original question was regarding our “current” partner. Did I misinterpret the post (???)

 

But yes, I have dated two guys who were over the 200 pound mark. Would that be considered “morbid” by most people’s standards??? And yes, I suppose one of the guys would have actually been considered “fat”.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Have you done the same?

 

Hell yeah!

 

In the last eight years, I’ve gone from a emaciated size four to a WHOPPING size eight. I’m even wearing sweat pants today. So far, my guy doesn’t seem to mind.

[Owl]

I think people who choose option #1 are probably people who place no value on physical appearance because they have let themselves go.

 

Wow!!! And I'M thought to be someone who generalizes and makes assumptions?!?!?!

 

I chose #1.

 

I've BEEN THERE.

 

And I'm sorry to report...I've not "let myself go". I'm ex-military. I still study/train in martial arts 2-3x/week, as well as an hour of workout in the mornings before work. I'm not rock solid (I'm also not as young as I used to be), but I'm darn sure not hideous either.

 

That is one heck of a comment. It amazes me that I can be construed to be too harsh to someone on this site, and then read something like this.

[Tomcat33]

Wow!!! And I'M thought to be someone who generalizes and makes assumptions?!?!?!

 

I chose #1.

 

I've BEEN THERE.

 

And I'm sorry to report...I've not "let myself go". I'm ex-military. I still study/train in martial arts 2-3x/week, as well as an hour of workout in the mornings before work. I'm not rock solid (I'm also not as young as I used to be), but I'm darn sure not hideous either.

 

That is one heck of a comment. It amazes me that I can be construed to be too harsh to someone on this site, and then read something like this.

 

Oh please that comment wasn't that bad!?!? It was a theory I have if you prove it wrong OR right it is not the end of the world. It was not meant to offend anyone just showing how people determine what importance they place on each aspect of a relationship.

 

Fine you disprove my theory but the poster before you affirms it so

 

one:one

 

So if your W gained 50lbs and started dressing in potato sacks you would still feel the same level of attraction towards her is what you are saying?

[Owl]

TC-

 

Yes, I'd still love her, and still be married to her, and happy about being married to her. Physical attraction is in no way the only basis of my marriage or love of her.

 

If she cheated on me again, I would end the marriage and walk away, because there is no way I'd put myself through that emotional trauma again.

[Jess-Belle]

I think people who choose option #1 are probably people who place no value on physical appearance because they have let themselves go.

 

Is it really that illogical that someone would prefer that their spouse become obese rather than do something that would likely kill their relationship/marriage?

I'm about as far from letting myself go as a person can get, but I still value love and integrity over looks.

[JustBreathe]

Naw, Tomcat, I'd choose option 1.

 

I do care about my appearance. I enjoy being active and work out at a gym 3-4 times weekly. I've been doing this since I was in my 20's. I'm in my 40's now and, no, I don't have a perfect body anymore, but I'm not hard to look at.

 

My husband is extremely attractive, arrogant and conceited. Women throw themselves at him all the time everywhere we go.

 

I would rather have a short little fat bald man who loved me and respected my feelings than what I have now - by a LOOONG shot. If ever I was to get involved with another man, which I never will, it would be all about trust and a sweet amiable disposition.

 

Now if he was little bald fat cranky and evil, that would be another matter!

[Jess-Belle]

Why does it have to be either/or? Can't we have both?

 

Too right!

[Jess-Belle]

And I wouldn't want a guy with God-like features or a muscle bound hulk. Just someone who maintains some semblence of fitness. Some sort of reasonable height/weight proportion. Ya know?

 

Yeah, I myself have never had any "requirement" from a guy in the looks department... my boyfriends have all been quite different in appearance, and to be honest, none of them were particularly exciting to look at. My current bf is the only one I have felt such an intense physical attraction for, but by golly, what I would give for him to have gained 200 lbs. than for us to be going through what we're going through now. And considering he's only 5'2", that's saying a lot.

[Tomcat33]

I don't think anyone said physical attraction was the "only basis" of a marriage. Or did I miss something?

 

EXACTLY! No one said that.

[Tomcat33]

Is it really that illogical that someone would prefer that their spouse become obese rather than do something that would likely kill their relationship/marriage?

I'm about as far from letting myself go as a person can get, but I still value love and integrity over looks.

 

 

what you fail to get is that for some letting go of their appearance IS KILLING a relationship.

[Owl]

For SOME...clearly not for ALL.

 

And to state that you think that those of us who DON'T feel that way must be "people who place no value on physical appearance because they have let themselves go." is pretty damned insulting.

 

So if your W gained 50lbs and started dressing in potato sacks you would still feel the same level of attraction towards her is what you are saying?

 

 

Yes, she would be less attractive. But I'd still FAR rather that she were less attractive to me physically (and still be in love with me and married to me) than to have her cheat on me.

 

The bottomline question WAS would I rather she was more unattractive versus her cheating on me...no? Or..."did I miss something"?

.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Well, at 5'5", when I was a size 4 I weighed 135 lbs. I was very fit and trim and felt great. Lots of muscle, but lean, pretty muscle. I'm not a WHOPPING size eight, and it FEELS whopping, lemme tell ya.

 

So do you think your weight gain has had anything to do with the success or failure of your relationship/s since than compared to now?

 

Are you currently in one? ... If so, would you say the love you have for each other is based on looks or something deeper?

[Jess-Belle]

what you fail to get is that for some letting go of their appearance IS KILLING a relationship.

 

Perhaps...

 

Would I rather watch my spouse slowly become morbidly obese while I desperately put all my effort into trying to help him overcome the problem, even if in the end I fail and feel I must give up?

 

Or would I rather have my spouse blindside me with an affair, leaving me with all of my logic, sanity and self-control ripped from my being, feeling my trust raped and shattered, and have the relationship essentially murdered without my even having the chance to do anything about it?

 

Yeah, I still think I'd prefer the first...

 

I venture to guess that anyone proclaiming to prefer the affair scenario, hasn't lived it...

[BetrayedMM]

No matter how good looking someone is, or how good looking they think they are, that is only a temporary situation. It is a very shallow criteria to measure a human being's desirability or value.

[twice_shy]

That's a poignant story, but here's another:

 

I was seeing a guy a few years ago. He had a belly on him, and that was fine with me. HOWEVER, after some time together it became apparent that he was a glutton! He would eat and eat and eat until he was bloated like a swollen tick, moaning and groaning with pain because of how full he was. A half hour later he was asking for ice cream. He'd be laying about, his stomach making these awful noises and him belching. I couldn't look at him without disgust for his behavior. His BEHAVIOR.

 

And that is a much different story. Some people don't "let themselves go" like the guy you just described. Some people gain weight and it is too difficult to drop it.

 

I use to be about 25 lbs heavier than my ideal weight. I'm back down to 165, getting toned with the flat stomach and everything at the age of 40. But I have to work my ass$ off to get that! Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by because i am at the gym so much.

 

I sometimes think to myself, "i like the way I look, but i'm starting to wonder if its worth it"