married but still in love with first love! Help!

[BrookeLance626]

When I was 14 I met the love of my life. It started out as a normal teenage boyf/girlf relationship, but he was unfortunately only here for the summer. His family was moving about 14 hours away. We talked very often after he left. And he always came back every summer to see me. We started not to talk as often the older we got, but we both knew that we were soul mates. We both dated others while we were apart and neither of us were threatened by that. We have always been so sure of our relationship, and didn't want to miss out on high school experiences.

 

Every time he came back to visit I would interrupt present relationships with other guys to be with my true love. No one else mattered. His visits started getting more scarce as we both got closer to graduating high school. The next visit from him was for my high school graduation. It meant so much to me for him to be there. He could only stay for a week. Then came college for both of us. We hardly ever had time to talk, nor could he schedule a visit back home, but we had agreed before we made any huge decisions in our life, that we both wanted to complete college. I had no clue what was going on in his life even though i still thought about him often.

 

I ended up meeting a guy who I had no intentions on falling for, but no one ever does right? We instantly connected, and spent all of our time together. It was so different from all of my other relationships. I wouldn't let other guys get close to me, because I was holding out and waiting for my soul mate to come back for me, but this one broke through without me even really noticing. Before too long we were both head over heels in love. When one night, I received a call from my "soul mate". He called to tell me that he missed me and wanted to be with me and no one else. And that I was the only one who made him truly happy. I, of course had to explain to him the situation I was in. It broke his heart to know that I had fallen for someone else. But the weird thing was that I was still totally in love with him. How could this happen? You aren't supposed to be able to love two people at once, right? Well, I did. And had no idea what to do. I was so torn.

 

My soul mate wanted me to move to be with him, and that he would marry and support me. But I couldn't bear to leave my new love. My soul mate had begun to be used to the fact that I would leave the one I was with for him, that he did't understand why this one would be any different. Neither did I. But he was. End to the story...I am now married. Not to my soul mate, but to the new love. At the time that my "soul mate" wanted me to leave everything to be with him. I wasn't ready. I was only 19. I couldn't bear to leave my family and friends, and most of all, I couldn't bear to break the heart of someone I had recently fallen for. So, I decided to stay where I was. My soul mate and I failed to speak for a long time immediately after that phone call. He was very angry that I did't choose him. After all, we were soul mates, he was my first love, and I had made a promise to myself and him that one day we would live a happily married life and have beautiful children together.

 

So what happened? I forced myself to try not to think about him or our torn relationship. I moved on with my life, moved away from my hometown with my mother and new love, was still in college, and talking about marriage. I never was able to forget my soul mate. I thought about him every day, but couldn't bring myself to tell my love, or my mother. It was tearing me apart. My love proposed at Christmas of 2001.

 

I began to doubt that my love was the one I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. And I also thought about how I had ruined my relationship with my soul mate. One night after about 2 years of not speaking, I called my soul mate. I poured my heart out to him, letting him know my doubts and fears, and also that I was still in love with him. I needed advice about what to do. I needed to know if I was making a huge mistake. He did't give me much advice, and couldn't tell me if I was making a mistake. He had begun a relationship with someone else and things had been going smoothly with them. This time he wasn't telling me to move to be with him. He did tell me that he was also still in love with me, and always would be, but did't want to make any changes in his life at the moment. I hung up the phone shattered. We were destined to love each other for the rest of our lives and could do nothing about it as far as we could see.

 

My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. It has been a rocky, but very loving year. I think about my soul mate every day. We still check up on each other almost every month to see how each of our lives are going. Neither of us can bear to tell our partners that we still talk. Both of them know our relationship with one another, and both are very scared of it. I can't blame either of them. I just need some advice on what to do. I hate having to hide that I still love my soul mate. I am sure my soul mate feels the same. But neither of us can bear to break the hearts of the ones we love. I am scared of living my life only to end up regretting my decisions.

 

Please help!

[sweetpea]

I totally understand what you are going through. I met the love of my life my Sophmore year of HS, we dated off and on for a while and didn't want anything to serious to happen so broke up. Then own junior year we started dating again, we dated almost a year and told each other how much we loved each other. This guy meant the world to me, however, that summer we went to the beach together with a church group and ended up breaking up because he didn't like the idea of having a girlfriend at the beach. We had been dating about 8 months at this point and it really broke my heart when we broke up.

 

I called my best guy friend of about 6 years and poured my heart out to him. This guy had wanted to date me since I was a freshman and I was afraid of messing up our friendship and didn't want anything more than friendship. Anyway, I called him up about a week and me and my ex broke up and we started talking. The next thing I know we are seeing each other every day, I totally fall in love with my best friend.

 

My ex-boyfriend never crossed my mind again, I dated my best friend for 2 years and then we ended up getting married. After getting married a year later I run into my ex boyfriend and he tells me that he was sorry for the way he treated me and that he didn't mean to hurt me. I hadn't thought of this guy in 2 years until he said these things to me. I've now been married for almost 4 years and think of this guy every day of my life.

 

I can't stand being married and still feel like I'm in love with my ex. We've not talked in about 2 1/2 years. I'm not even sure if he thinks about me or not. I just know that I deep down still have feelings for this ex and I'm not sure what to do.

 

I totally understand where you are coming from. I know that I've not really helped you any, but I thought I would share my story as well. Maybe we can help each other by getting our feelings out.